Washington, DC (AP) - A major victory in the war on terror was declared tonight by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge. They stated that an imminent attack in the Washington, DC, area was successfully averted.
On a heightened security alert, the FAA gave advance warning of an unknown inbound threat from over the Atlantic Ocean. They advised of a tight formation of ten inbound aircraft. In tracking these aircraft, it was noticed that there was only a single blinking red light, in clear violation of FAA regulations, and was thus indicating an impending attack on the nation's capitol. The inbound aircraft did not respond to radio calls, IFF interrogations and signaled no transponder codes.
F-15 aircraft were immediately alerted and scrambled to intercept the rogue targets. Using both infrared and radar-guided missiles, they succeeded in downing all of the targets.
A ground search is now underway to determine the identity of the inbound targets. At this point in time, all that has been found is numerous clumps of fur, a mass of Christmas wrapping paper, and the remains of an extremely overweight terrorist with a beard.
More on this story as information becomes available.