Thanks to Saggy, Meatloaf, Ollie, Mitch, Ben, Evans and Glover for dragging their (fat) asses out of bed on sat morning!
Glover’s morning (as ever) started a little later than everyone else’s so we just about made it for the 10am start.
There were 4 groups of 6 teams, 5 games of 12mins, with the top two going through into the knockout stages. Our group was missing a team so we only played four.
Birmingham Citadel, Malremo, Village B and Parkfield made up our group.

As Saggy has already mentioned we drew the first game against Malremo 1-1 (Sadler Pen), Lost to Parkfield 1 or 2 nill, then beat Birmingham Citadel 1-0 (The Horse).
This left us needing to beat the group whipping boys Village B to qualify. Which in true Maple fashion we proceeded to be 1-0 till the last min, only for The Horse and Ollie to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, much to Glover’s dismay….

The friendly was played as we had a good hour to waste whilst the other complete groups played their remaining games. Notable highlights were indeed Evans’s 100% shooting record and Mitch’s sub appearance and golden boot (or he’d paid the keeper – some very dubious attempts, even his own team cheered when he saved one) getting goal every time he shot! My goalkeeping was only memorable due to the lack of shots!

The Last 8 game was dreadfully dull - ending up 0-0 and going to penalties where Maple scored all 5 of ours (Sag, Evv, Ben, Rob & Moley), with Evans making a smart save from the spot. What was amusing was Moley attempting to get out of taking his penalty by appealing for the win when only 4 pens had been taken, because we were winning!?

The semi-final started badly for us when we went 1-0 down early on after we fell asleep at a set-piece, and the talented opponents (moaning bunch of gits and a dubious referee who gave them near everything until it was too late) made it difficult for us to score. Was soon 2-0 down after losing the ball after lack of movement. Late on in the game we did make a comeback of sorts and penned them into their own half but didn't really look like pulling a 2 goal deficit back.

Shirly were the eventual winners and seemed to deserve it. It was a long day (especially for those out the night before….) which did begin to take it’s toll and the blazing sun didn’t help – Evans had morphed into a psychedelic panda by the end of the day!

^ Plagiarist! I'd instruct my solicitor Tony to sue, but he doesn't know who this sue woman is and so can't.

Rob forgot to mention neglecting to tell the players that despite it being a 5-a-side tournament it was being played outside on grass pitches - a bit of a blow of for those who turned up in trainers given the recent weather

The tourny was held at Wake Green Amateurs place - very nice it is too - had a bar and cafe - with good servings of chips throughout the day. As far the Sag Chip-O-Meter Rating goes I'd give them a 7/10 for the 1st portion, and 8/10 for the 2nd bag.

The Police were nearly called at one point - when children were exposed to Moley and Rob's naked 'fleshy' upper torsos. Poor kids.

Mitch again proved his luxuryness by scoring a hat-trick in a friendly game and doing little else all day

Ollie's shins had obviously upset the referee in the semi-final in a previous lifetime - the ref giving carte-blanche for the opposition to kick the crap out of him without blowing his whistle. Though if Ollie even looked at an opposition player a free-kick was awarded to them.

When going to sleep tonight and you see a red glowing radioactive sensation in the distance - that'll be Evans' new 'tan'

Finishing joint 3rd out of 20 teams was no mean feat given the quality of opposition on the day - a fair few players/teams from the Prem and Div 1 etc.

Finishing joint 3rd out of 20 teams was also no mean feat given that Glover wanted to lose most of the games early on so we wouldn't qualify for the latter stages of the tourny and therefore go home - which does explain a couple of his 'defensive lapses'

Ben showed off some neat footwork, moves and skills - which would have been great if we were trying to look cool on the dancefloor of a nightclub somewhere and not playing footy

As Rob mentioned earlier the penalty shoot-out showed there may be some competition for the taking of set-pieces this season - if you're reading this Homer - get your goalie to take a penalty before most of the outfield want to take one

Moley is to be commended on his time-wasting / 'taking a breather tactic' of hitting the ball as high and far as he could off the pitch when faced with just the opposition goalie to beat. This worked well when we were winning - not so much when we were losing...

Sag was his usual calm collected unruffled self (too old and slow to move - and shouting at everyone else to do his work for him )


Was a good laugh and enjoyed the day - joking apart we did do quite well and played some decent stuff at times, a shame none of it was on the pitch j/k

All quite correct young Sadler except the fact that I did in fact tuck away FOUR goals in six 2nd half minutes... now that is luxury.