How Hockey Would Change WIth Baseball Union Czar Donald Fehr In Charge
by Slotsy
1. Warning tracks installed in front of padded boards.
2. Coach walks out to converse with goalie before pulling him.
3. Image-conscious teams dub enforcers "designated hitters."
4. Each ref has his own idea of how big the goal is.
5. Eric Gregg as an NHL ref: now there's something worth paying to see!
6. Overtime pays time and a half.
7. Old-timers scold goalies: "Catch it with BOTH hands!!"
8. Zamboni driver is now a Teamster.
9. Unlimited delays of game permitted for shooters to adjust helmets and gloves, rub pine tar on sticks, and scratch before shooting.
10. Boston, Minnesota, and New York teams wouldn't have players' names on uniforms.
11. Veterans initiate rookies by making them pay full admission prices in Sauget.
12. Penalized players taken to penalty box in golf cart.
13. Ice in front of players' bench littered with sunflower seed shells.
14. Players wimp out: now a guy with a broken nose, missing teeth, and a slit eye will actually go on the DL