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Time to offend everyone...

October 29 2004 at 5:38 AM
Octopus  (no login)
from IP address 24.169.227.160

 
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Where does an Irish Family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with... "A recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F...word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a timeĀ”
A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shi#..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

 
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