I wrote this poem in order to describe what I faced when I came up against all of the feelings and thoughts that I had buried as a child. I actually wrote this in several fonts - like a mental discussion between me and the buried feelings.

Buried Feelings

I went looking for my feelings
But they were nowhere to be found
I forgot where I had buried them
So deeply hidden, far underground!

I took a guess and started digging
But much to my dismay
I came upon a mighty vault
The sign said: STOP - GO AWAY!

"Advance at your own peril,"
Someone inside me said.
"Beyond here hides a mined maze
WATCH OUT - OR YOU'LL BE DEAD!"

"But I FEEL that way already,"
Was my answer to the voice
"And if I am to feel alive
I really have no choice!"

That's when I heard the warning growls
They froze me in my tracks
Glaring eyes inside dark shadows
"DANGER AHEAD - BETTER TURN BACK!"

"We're powerful and angry beasts
Too long we've been restrained
Release us out into the light
Never again will we be chained!"

"I am NOT your enemy,
Someone that you must fear!"
"You're the one that locked us up,
The one that put us here!"

"There was no choice," was my reply,
"For I was but a child.
Filled with doubt and scared to death
No way could you run wild!"

"So you think now that time has passed
You have the right to pry
Into our safe, protected world?
All we can ask is WHY?"

"I know that I have hurt you
And your anger is justified
But I have also paid a price
We must BOTH put the past aside!"

"Why is it we should trust you?
What do we have to gain?"
The answer's very simple, you see
ONLY I CAN STOP THE PAIN!"

"The offer's very tempting and yet
We want to run and hide."
"PLEASE, just give me one more chance!"
"Well, okay, proceed inside!"

The vault door sprang wide open
My heart began to pound
The moment of truth had just arrived
And this is what I found!

A multitude of padlocked doors
Of various strengths and sizes
Maybe I should pick a small one?
That would seem to be the wisest!

The first beasts, they were easy
So much anger! So much pain!
Though 'twas scary to confront them
So afraid I'd go insane!

"Take baby steps, that's how to start
A little bit at a time
Their power's not so strong that way
Let's proceed, you're doing fine!"

"Invite the feelings to come out,"
The voice inside me said
But they were now the stronger ones!
I met their rage with dread!

Their power and strength surprised me
At times I'd want to flee
But soon I realized
A wonderful calmness grew in me!

It's taken four years, I've worked real hard
To tame the beasts inside
So many now have been released
And I know where the others hide!


Here's to taming and embracing our inner beasts
Love
Pam

The Brain --mysteries will always remain regarding the brain. Suppressed memories ,suppressed feelings and traumas . Suppressed -- for your protection and well being. Your brain will allow at only certain times of well being, a repeat video clip of certain experiences if the brain knows the rest of you can handle it .

I really feel for those that don't have the ability to suppress tragic experiences.

I've had forgotten "events" pop up in dreams after a decade of such events that had happened. I was sad to see the replay but ...ready.

Then I go forward , look back to learn but keep moving forward . Forward is better and more controllable and appreciated if done in those precious small steps!!!

I know this one took you time and took you back to places that are wicked to visit. I hope you come out with a publication specifically targeted to meet the very special needs of all good people.

Thank you for taking the time to create a piece that will help others read and hopefully guide them to a safer place in their own dear life.


Respectfully,



Julie

Thank you Julie for your insights - in my case, I actually dissociated(split) emotionally 3 or 4 times when dealing with the trauma became too hard - I, therefore had to heal not one but 4 little "me's" - each with her own fears and concerns! -p I have written a poem about this which I will be posting at a later date.
I am hoping one day (soon?) to get the poems published - MY cover page goes like this - Through The Eyes Of An Adoptee - On the healing journey - Poems of Inspiration and Hope
Yes, Julie, the only way to go IS forward - back was such an awful place to be, anything has to be better than that!
Best Wishes
Pam

Very, very powerful! Even that is an understatement! I would have preferred to have read it in the original fonts .........

Thank you, Rusty. I know, I would have liked to have been able to post it in the different fonts - it has a much bigger impact that way! - though you still get the idea even in one font.
Sincerely
Pam