Dear Rusty, this is the poem I referred to in my response to your comment about the illness called ME. I hope it helps you to understand. I KNOW it greatly helped me to heal when I realized what I had been through and how I had coped.

My Inner Children

The answer to the problem
Was a little hard to see
But one day I became aware
Of many children within me

They were all of different ages
And each had their own name
The issues and concerns they had
Revolved around fear and shame

The question then arises
How did they come to be?
I guess it's cause I've always felt
Emotionally abused, you see!

My job was now to make contact
With each and every one
And lead them from the darkness
And help them find the sun!

Dina is the baby
Her age from birth to two
She's very scared and insecure
And starved for attention too!

She's taken to a new home
And given a new name
She cannot speak, she can't explain
"I'M ALARMED BY SO MUCH CHANGE!

Pammy is the toddler
Her age is two to five
She's the one with all the hope
And glad to be alive!

She's getting all the things she wants
Attention, toys, and clothes
But there is something missing
Yet her pain, it never shows

My childhood name is Pamela
It covers six to thirteen
Now's when the trauma truly starts
The worst it's ever been!

All her questions go unanswered
Her peers just call her names
Her anger and pain grow day by day
Why does she always get the blame?

She can no longer tolerate
The silence and the fears!
She buries them inside herself
Where they'll hide for many years

I changed my name to Pam
When fourteen I did turn
Feeling sinful, weird, and rejected
These were her main concerns

The years have passed at last
And physically they have grown
But each child still is frozen
Each needs attention all her own!

I start at the beginning
With Dina first I walk
She communicates with gestures
It's hard for her to talk

I tell her that I love her
I can feel her in my heart
I know her thoughts, I know her fears
Never again will we be apart

As I take her in my arms
The world around us blurs
And as I kiss and dry her tears
A miracle occurs!

There's a sudden understanding!
No longer are we blue!
I swear it happened just that fast!
The we were one instead of two!

Inspired, I turned to Pammy
"Join us," was my request
"For if we can work together
the outcome will be best."

"Cause Pammy had the verbal skills
For Dina she could speak
It was easy now to understand
Why both of them felt weak!

It took us some time
But with patience and love
We found our Spiritual guidance
Guardian Angels sent from above!

Pamela has been watching us
But it's hard for her to trust
So many times she's felt betrayed
"But I'll join you if I must."

"Please, take your time," we say to her
"Just do the best you can.
Try little steps until you learn
To be your greatest fan!"

This process takes a long time
With hard work you'll discover
All those terrifying secrets
You can finally uncover

Last but not least there is Pam
Who thinks that she's not real
Merely an outward manifestation
An android unable to feel

To her I must give my compassion
"Without you I would NOT have survived
And though your life was full of strife
I am grateful to still be alive!"

I gather up my children
"I'm so proud of you all!
You've been so brave and patient
You've knocked down all the walls!"

So, now we have each other
To comfort and help grow
And each day we are learning
How to share all that we know!

It's really surprising how resilient a child can be!
Love
Pam

The way you can put all of the trauma and drama you've lived through into simple verses is an excellent talent, Pam! There has to be a publisher out there who would be interested in printing a book of this kind of work - did you submit to Wolsak and Wynn yet? Gotta start somewhere....

Love and Hugs,

Alice

Pam - I think this poem is remarkable. I have commented further in an email, along with an 'ME' site address but it is continually returned to me. I don't understand why .........

Dear Rusty - I don't know to what email address you sent the info. Here is my email address for you to use - pampal@rogers.com. I hope to hear from you.
Love
Pam