Secrets

Hush now, baby! Don't say a word!
You must keep inside
The questions and the feelings
That forever you must hide

Expected to allways play the game
In silence and loyalty
Warned of grevious consequence
If somebody should seee

The turmoil and the anguish
Concealed behind thick walls
Must not look them in the eye
Lest even one wall falls

Confused and so determined
Never to betray
I promise to keep the secrets
Until my dying day!

How to keep on functioning?
To do the daily tasks
I construct an inner dungeon
And hide behind many masks

Outwardly I stay the same
So no one else will guess
The sadness hidden deep within
And the depth of my loneliness

As months turn into years
My desperation grows
My little child can't tolerate
The fear that overflows

Promises of dire punishments
Unspoken yet understood
Overcome by frightening fantasies
I solemnly promise to be "good"

Self-image lies in shatters
I cry most every night
Through nightmares never ending
All alone with my plight

I'm used to keeping to myself
My spirit's paid the price
Of secrets kept for 50 years
Relief would sure be nice!

No more mental torture, no chains
Weighted in the past
But even when it's offered
I can't believe that it'll last

My 4 little inner-children
Each frozen in their youth
Cautiously at first reveal
Their versions of the truth

At first, just a small grievance
They tremble as they wait
Imagining the very worst
What is to be their fate?

Will the world come to an end?
Will God now strike them dead?
The gracious silence engulfs them
Calming all their fears and dread

The journey takes about 5 years
A scary roller coaster ride
To purge most of the secrets
And give my soul some pride

In my stamina and endurance
Through emotional distress
The heart-felt poems that I write
Secrets I can NOW express!


Bless You All
Pam

Such power - Pam I am speechless ..............