I was just wanting to throw out a question to Mommies and see if this is just me or if I'm maybe not the amazing mother I thought I'd be. It took us 5 years to get our amazing Lorelei and I love her sooo much, but I have to admit, I do miss having some free time or time to myself. It is amazing how much a baby turns your life upside down. I knew that would happen I guess, but selfishly, sometimes I just want sleep at night. Or I just want to rush out of the house 5 minutes before I have to be anywhere. With Lorelei, everything takes so much longer. If we're planning to leave the house, we have to start getting ready an hour beforehand! I think I'll like parenting much better when she's about 6 months old and sleeping through the night (hopefully) and then she'll hopefully have a bedtime around 8:00 so I can actually get some time to myself. More structure I guess. With a newborn, you're just at their beck-and-call all the time. It's hard work.
And breast feeding....wow. That's even harder! I breast fed her for 2 weeks but she wasn't gaining any weight. It was actually a really scary time for us. I was working soooo hard to feed her and to not have her gain even an ounce was so heartbreaking. I cried every time we weighed her. She was so little. (she got down to 6lbs by the time we left the hospital). The lactation nurses weren't as worried as I was, but we still opted to start pumping and bottling. I make a LOT of milk....so I didn't want to just go to formula. And then...boy did she pack on the pounds! Now she actually looks rolly polly!
It's great. But strictly pumping is definitely more work I think. And unfortunately, I'm having trouble with sore nipples, they just prescribed me a steroid cream to try to help with the pain. I can't even wear a T-shirt w/o wincing.
But I have a lot in the freezer already so if this doesn't last much longer, I at least will have some reserves to give her for a while.
Hope you don't mind my quick vent session here. I feel a lot of guilt for not loving this whole parenting thing more...especially b/c it's all I've ever wanted for the past 5 years! And I know so many women that would kill to be in my shoes. And I have all these friends that just GUSH about how great parenthood is, etc, etc. Are they being completely honest with me or themselves? Or am I just not loving this motherhood thing as much as I hoped I would? I think back to being pregnant and how anxious I was the whole time, and that sucked...but I got to be sooo lazy.
I miss that! ...ugh, that sounds horrible. :/
Hopefully this isn't offending anyone. I'm hoping the baby stage is hard for everybody and I'm not a bad mommy or something.
Don't get me wrong, I love Lorelei sooo much, I never knew this kind of love! And she gives me so much joy at times! But other times, it's just hard.
TTC: Since Nov. 2006
Diagnosis: Ovarian Dysfunction & PCOS
28 Years Old
cd3 FSH 16.8
cd10 FSH 13.6
7 Unmonitored Cycles of Clomid
3 Unmonitored Cycles of Letrozole
TAB for cysts
1st Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed BDing - 5 mature follies - BFN
TAB for cysts
2nd Cycle of 150iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 4 mature follies in play - BFN
3rd Cycle of 150 iu of Menopur with Timed Intercourse - 2 follies - BFN
1st Cycle of Gonal F - 1 follie & cyst on right - BFN
TAB for a cycle
2nd Cycle of Gonal F = BFP!!!!!
5w6d - baby measuring 3mm, h/b 101
6w6d - baby measuring 6mm, h/b 126
7w6d - baby 18mm, h/b 171, measuring ahead at 8w2d! RE noticed enlarged yolk sac so keeping a close eye on that
8w6d - baby 2.52cm with h/b of 174
9w5d - baby 3.22cm with h/b of 180 measuring 10w1d
10w6d - baby 4.34cmcm with h/b of 174 measuring 11w1d
12w u/s showed baby at 11.2cm with h/b of 162 - unfortunately, that evening I suffered a horrible m/c of a chromosomally NORMAL girl.... RIP my angel girl...you were loved....
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse-2WW
First cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse since m/c - BFN
2nd Cycle of Gonal F with Timed Intercourse - BFN
TAB for a month on bcp's
3rd Cycle of Gonal F - BFP
u/s at 6w1d showed heart-rate of 114!!!!
u/s at 7w1d showed heart-rate of 141!!!!
u/s at 8w showed heart-rate of 179
u/s at 9w showed 2 SCH's, h/r of 197
u/s at 10w showed h/r of 175
u/s at 11w showed h/r of 180
u/s at 12 w showed h/r of 188
12w2d...m/c'd baby at home, lost too much blood, had to have emergency D&C...severely anemic....baby was a chromosomally normal boy
-developed a blood clot in leg 1 1/2 wks post D&C...saw a hematologist and had testing done and everything came back normal, will still treat me with Lovenex on next pregnancy
-First cycle since m/c....Gonal F, triggered with 8 mature follies, T/I - BFP!
-13dpo beta 106, progesterone 21.4
-15dpo beta 260, progesterone 12.2
-16dpo beta 411, progesterone 16
-20dpo beta 845, progesterone 19 (went in for u/s to rule out ectopic, couldn't see anything yet, but lining was thick)
-22dpo beta 1158, progesterone 18
-24dpo beta 1655, progesterone 20
-5w?? u/s showed 2 sacs...one measuring 4w0d, the other measuring 5w1d....possibly vanishing twin???
-6w u/s showed TWINS! 2 h/r's....121, 119. both measuring 6w1d! SCH 1cm
-At 7w pg, tested positive for lupus anticoagulant, on lovenox to treat it, TSH was 2.55
-7w2d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 7w4d & 7w3d, h/r's 158 & 153! SCH 2cm
-8w1d u/s showed 2 babies measuring 8w3d & 8w2d, h/r's 185 & 179! SCH 3cm
-10w2d u/s showed we lost baby A measuring 9w1d and had no h/r...baby B measured 10w1d with a h/r of 180...praying for Baby B to hang on, SCH gone, started thyroid med
-11w1d u/s showed Baby B measuring right on track, h/r of 174
-12w1d had a red bleeding episode & u/s showed Baby B measuring 1 day ahead and a h/r of 168, bleeding likely caused by Baby A's passing
-13w1d had some red spotting & u/s showed Baby B measuring 2 days behind and h/r of 157
-14w...baby measured 14w3d...and I suffered a horrible, very sudden miscarriage...another angel baby...that makes 4.
Saw Dr Mary Stephenson at U of Chicago for recurrent pregnancy loss....dx with Lupus Anticoagluant and Incompetent Cervix, will be treated with lovenox
5-25-11 - Had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed by Dr Haney at U of Chicago
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse (self medicated/unmonitored) BFN
Gonal F with Timed Intercourse: 7 follies in play - BFP at 10dpo!!!
12dpo hcg level 80.5, progesterone 16.8
14dpo hcg level 295, progesterone 18
6w3d u/s showed 1 baby with a h/r of 120, measuring 6w4d
7w3d u/s showed baby with h/r of 160, measuring 7w3d
7w5d u/s showed a possibility of TWINS! Baby A (the original) measured 8w, h/r 167...Baby B, hiding in the upper uterus measured 6w6d, h/r 176...time will tell if Baby B will make it
8w4d u/s showed Baby A doing well measuring 8w4d and h/r of 185....Baby B measured 7w3d and no h/r detected
My 5 angels better help me out through the rest of all this
9w5d u/s showed Baby A measring 9w5d, h/r 188
10w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring good, h/r 175
11w3d u/s shoed Baby A measuring 11w4d, h/r 169
12w6d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w2d, h/r of 167
13w5d u/s showed Baby A measuring 13w6d, h/r of 156
15w5d u/s showed Baby Girl measuring about a week ahead! h/r 164
17w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 156, cervix measuring 5cm+
19w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with a h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm
23w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 149, cervix measuring 5cm. Baby weighed 1lb 14oz and is in the 80th percentile...her belly in the 97th....talked a little big about GD
27w4d, u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 151, cervix measuring 5cm...baby weighed 3lb 4oz, 87th percentile, pass GD test!
29w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 148, cervix 5cm
31w4d u/s showed Baby Girl with h/r of 129, cervix 5cm and weight is 5lb 5oz! BIG GIRL!!!
35+ weeks and counting!
Started contracting at 36w, had c-section at 36w2d, Welcome to the world Baby Lorelei, 6lb 11oz and perfectly healthy!!!!