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WWYD (family related)

July 3 2012 at 9:50 AM
Teresa  (no login)

I hope it's okay to post this here, if not, Juliemam, feel free to let me know to move it to the thunderdome board. Have a little problem and was wondering how you would handle this.

I have a cousin who lives in Florida. A few days ago she sent me an email informing me that she, her husband and her son would be coming to my state for a week July 10-17th. Let me just say that we used to be really close, I was her MOH in her wedding and spoiled her rotten, then when she adopted her son I went crazy buying things for him and fussing over him. I've always gone above and beyond for her in many, many ways.

The last time she came to town, I had to play chauffer and drive her all over the place, feed and entertain her and her family. Not a thank you, not an offer to even pay for gas when I drove her around for about 200 miles, not even bringing a dessert with her to my home (and believe me she was raised to do these things, so she knows better). Ok, fine. When I was married a few years ago, she didn't come to my wedding, no excuse just "sorry we can't come" She never sent not even a wedding card (forget about a gift, just a card would have been nice) and I guess that has left me slightly bitter. We've grown apart over the past few years because as she said she's been "busy with her son". So now, she's coming to town and really wants to see me and wants to meet my husband. They are flying in with NO car rental, so it would be up to me to go fetch them wherever they are staying and bring them here then transport them back to wherever-and I seriously just can't. I can't!!!

She knows I am pregnant and hasn't checked in to see how things are going, not once. When I told her I was PG the first thing out of her mouth was not even congratulations, it was "did you finally do IVF?" I kid you not!

I emailed her back and told her I havent been feeling well the past few weeks and not up to visitors and that I'm sorry but we would have to "play it by ear" and her tone in her email back to me was "icy" She said "we're going to be here a week, we would like to come over, why are you being like this?" AHHHH!!!

The thing is, my husband works right now 7 days a week. I've been really sick during the day for the past 4 weeks and just cannot handle the three of them in my home right now- I can't. I haven't even had friends over, I have been feeling that sick. Her son is hyper and destructive and I will have to stress about my dog because he goes CRAZY, and of course, prepping food and cleaning up and having them here for hours, I just don't have the energy for them (they are INCREDIBLY draining, I wish I could explain). I can't drive right now even to the market and I am not able to go to where they are and play chauffer, which she has already hinted at me doing while they're in town (and I refuse to have my husband do it, either). Also, driving to meet them someplace "public" is out of the question because 1. I can't drive myself right now and 2. Even if Dh comes with me, we will be expected to foot the bill for them- and you know what? I don't want to spend one dime on them anymore. Is that bad? My husband and I don't even go out to eat anymore, because with a baby on the way and me not working, every penny counts. I sort of feel bad, at the same time, I'm sort of pissed off because I feel she is being inconsiderate and also, I'm tired of spending money on her and her family every time they come here.

I know she will tell the rest of the family what a "b!tch" I am, but I guess that's okay. The older I get, the less I care about what other people think/talk of me. At the same time, I have this guilt complex. I want to please everyone.

Any thoughts? Am I obligated to have them come here and entertain them even though I feel so sick right now and I don't want to deal with them?

One last thing, my Nuchal Scan is today at 12:30 and I am SUCH a wreck!! Please keep me in your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading this and any advice you have on how to deal with this situation.

 Respond to this message   

  1. Good luck! And advice.... - Erin on Jul 3, 2012, 10:11 AM
    1. That's good, I like that idea! - Teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 11:06 AM
      1. Great! - Erin on Jul 3, 2012, 11:16 AM
        1. Re: Great! - Teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 11:34 AM
  2. Well... - mel on Jul 3, 2012, 11:35 AM
  4. Yup. Just tell her you can't play host this time. - Laura on Jul 3, 2012, 11:37 AM
    1. PS. Good luck today!!!! - Laura on Jul 3, 2012, 11:39 AM
  5. My thoughts if you don't mind... - ZakiaZ on Jul 3, 2012, 11:40 AM
    1. Geeze typos galore... - ZakiaZ on Jul 3, 2012, 11:42 AM
      1. No worries and a HUGE thank you to you, Mel, Laura - Teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 11:51 AM
  6. This reminds me of an experience I had while pumping/BFing... (LOL) - MargieD on Jul 3, 2012, 12:42 PM
    1. Bwaaahahahahahaaa - Teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 3:12 PM
  7. Here's what I would do, I think - Ariadne on Jul 3, 2012, 2:08 PM
    1. Re: Here's what I would do, I think - Teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 3:21 PM
      1. Yep, I hear you - Ariadne on Jul 3, 2012, 3:30 PM
  8. please DON'T have them over - Jamie on Jul 3, 2012, 4:18 PM
    1. and BTW - Jamie on Jul 3, 2012, 4:19 PM
    2. On the money - teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 7:10 PM
      1. GOOD for you! - Jamie on Jul 3, 2012, 9:52 PM
        1. Thanks, Jamie... - Teresa on Jul 4, 2012, 9:56 AM
  9. another perspective - Rebekah on Jul 3, 2012, 4:44 PM
    1. Re: another perspective - teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 7:20 PM
      1. ahhh sure I get it - Rebekah on Jul 3, 2012, 8:44 PM
  10. Great advice so far, good thoughts! - Sara H on Jul 3, 2012, 6:28 PM
    1. Brilliant omg, BRILLIANT :0) - teresa on Jul 3, 2012, 7:25 PM
  11. Be reasonable... - Antonialisa on Jul 3, 2012, 10:30 PM
    1. this is fabulous advice - Jamie on Jul 3, 2012, 10:56 PM
    2. Great advice - Teresa on Jul 4, 2012, 7:38 AM
      1. It IS simple! - Antonialisa on Jul 4, 2012, 5:58 PM
        1. As a lawyer myself - smrc on Jul 5, 2012, 8:06 AM
    3. I love this! - Rebekah on Jul 5, 2012, 9:09 AM