Be reasonable...

After so many brilliant posts, I have very little to add, but here is my 2 cents worth. I used to suffer from the same problem, and I worried a lot about what other people would think or how they react. The trouble is, some people are unreasonable, so how far do you bend over backward for their feelings?

Then I went to law school, and I learned the "reasonable person's test" which is, what would a reasonable person think about this, or what would a reasonable person do? Genius!!! Then I stopped worrying about what a particular difficult person would think, but just only what a reasonable person would think.

So I advise that you send the kind of reasonable reply you would send to a reasonable person. Don't worry about her reaction!! Send an email that is so eminently reasonable that she can forward it to anyone and they would just say, "what's the problem? this is totally reasonable"

THen if you ever feel guilty, just say to yourself "my reply was totally reasonable." If another relative enquires about your conduct, just say that you were totally reasonable. YOu can mention that she was unreasonable. Just always be reasonable and that's all you need to do.

Believe me, this reasonable person's test completely saved my life and has given me years of serenity. Stop worrying about what unreasonable people think! NO guilt EVER for being reasonable!!!