First of all if I believed in god I would never believe that he would allow someone to be a parent who shouldn't and vice versa, but since I am not a believer I will say this - some people struggle, some people don't. It has nothing to do with one's ability to parent adequately or not. We struggle because we have no help, family, etc. to take the edge off. Others struggle because they are single parents, don't have much money left over after the necessities are paid for, are sleep deprived, depressed, etc.
When I referred to the books and experts, I hated the parenting experience. It was confusing and my dk's never ever fit any of the descriptions and thus, the outcomes never ever were the way that the experts/books said they should be. They still aren't. "recommendations" were my worst enemy. Finally I said "the hell with it all, I'm a good person, a good mother, I'm smart and I use common sense so I'm going to parent with my gut instinct." It took a couple of tries to get over the self confidence thing but I justkept putting one foot in front of the other and before I knew it, I was running when I never thought I could walk. Sometimes I still mess up (like today at costco but that's another story), but I have parenting down pat as I can possibly have it up to this point
I have loads of parenting books and websites saved that I never refer to anymore because they all took the joy out of parenting.
Use your gut, common sense and a little courage and you will learn to LOVE parenting. Sure you will make some mistakes but who the heck doesn't? These expert opinions get in the way of you learning exactly who your child is, who you are as a parent, what is real vs ideal and what your breaking points are.
My advice, ditch them all. Our parents did it without all this "information" and we all turned out fine. Parent from your heart and soul. Recognize that a mistake is nothing more or less than a lesson learned that your LO's will thank you for later and finally you will be able to actually ENJOY what you are doing and when you can enjoy it, you will realise that your walk through IF was just that, a different path with different challenges that have nothing to do with earning a badge of motherhood.
You're wearing that badge now just because you recognize that your LO is unique and though your skills may not be as described by the experts, you have to do things differently but you do deserve that badge and you're doing as good a job as any other.
What I'm here to tell you is that what you are feeling is so normal and of course you love your dk. but don't be afraid to parent from your heart and let your instinct guide you and if you make a mistake, I promise your LO won't call you on it................well, not until they're about 4 yrs anyway, lol.