hi guys,

i waited a long time to tell some of my friends about my pregnancy.

well, i finally told my one friend a couple weeks ago. i waited to tell her because she is very judgmental about single motherhood and assisted reproduction.

anyway, her wedding is in three weeks, and today i tried on the bridesmaid's dress (bought way before i was pregnant) and it was much too tight. i'm 19.5 weeks.

the seamstress said there was no way it could be nicely adjusted. i could pay $300 to get it fixed, but even then, it wouldn't look good or be comfortable. i was told to get a new dress.

i called my friend and told her, and she was SO upset. i offered to get a new dress, but it won't be the same color. she (and the other bridesmaids) yelled at me for not going to get it sized earlier. but i'm growing so fast anyway. and i didn't want to plan my pregnancy announcement around her wedding. she's one of those high stress brides who has to have everything perfect. i really can't wear this dress as it cuts off circulation to my stomach (and therefore my baby).

what do you girls think? i can't believe how upset she is with me. i feel like stepping down. we've been friends for years, but it seems all she cares about is squeezing me in this outfit. the wedding is already at one of those posh yacht clubs where everyone is obsessed with status.

Even if she is a "high stress bride," I think you should have gone out of your way to make sure she got what she wanted. You could have backed out of the wedding as soon or told the seamstress as you found out you were pregnant. I don't blame her for being upset.

Here's my suggestion...and this is expensive...

1) Get the dress altered so that it matches everyone else's for the ceremony.

AND

2) Get another dress but a similar color for the reception afterwards so you can breathe and enjoy the reception.

I can kind of understand how she feels. It sounds like she is spending a fortune on her wedding already, and she just wants it to be perfect. It would look kind of off to have one "different" dress. Plus the photos would not be uniform... a reminder for the rest of her life...

Keep in mind how important this day is for a bride. I probably would have simply ordered a larger size or told the seamstress as soon as I knew. I am sorry that you are in this situation though... you don't need additional stress.

However, I do think that since you knew all along that you should either source out another size of the SAME dress (have you tried calling the manufacturer or original store of purchase?) or get it altereled to fit. Maybe you can find a more reasonable seamstress?

The pp has a great suggestion about getting a second more comfty dress for the reception...

Hope you can figure it all out... XO

I was in a wedding once about 6 or 8 weeks after my first born arrived. I was a mess trying to figure out what size to order! We went with 2 sizes over my "normal size" and it fit perfect! I was also just 25 at the time... still at a point in time where we "bounce back" sooner...

try to salvage the dress. The seamstress sounds kind of b*tchy IMO. I wonder if you could take it somewhere else to get another opinion? You can't believe the alts I had done to my wedding dress. It was practically made into another dress! I think talented seamstresses can do amazing things.

Honestly, I'm sorry for the added stress. I'm not one for confrontation so I probably would've been afraid to tell your friend, too. Sorry it seems like you don't have much support in your situation, and I think that's terrible.

Hang in there and GL.

Hugs,
Meg

you can't see it just from your side. You mention she is judgemental about single motherhood and ART. Whether you realize it or not you are being judgemental by pegging her a high stress bride who wants everything perfect and is obsessed with status. The fact is that neither of you are wrong in your feelings. You achieved your dream of a pregnancy and she is trying to achieve her dream of a perfect wedding. Until you've been through the wedding process you don't realize just how important the day becomes the closer you get to it. You invest so much time and emotion and money into the process, that you want everything to be perfect. Much like how we feel about our babies-to-be after a TTC battle.

Now that you are PG you are better able to have a more pragmatic perspective on life in general. But your friend hasn't been through what you've been through and her wedding day is probably the biggest day of her life up until this point. So I would say, try to validate her feelings to some extent, and figure out either a compromise or just step out. Unfortunately, this is one that's going to be sticky regardless. Try various seamstresses around the area for their opinions. This is not the first instance that this has happened. Even brides end up PG before their wedding day and have to get the dress fixed. Check out eBay - maybe you'd get lucky and find the dress there. Or what about Overstock? Do they carry bridal wear? I'd call the designer/manufacturer directly and see if they can search for the same dress in the same color in the size you need. Good luck and try to not get heated over this.

(well said, Meg)


and in fact, my first thought when I finished reading your post was to step down from being in the wedding party but that sends a negative message to your friend, no matter how much you say it's not about your friendship but about one (darn) dress.

I too had tons of trouble judging what size I'd be when in my pgs and in my experience, 3 wks can have a lot of growth depending on where you are, in what fetal growth spurt.

See what another seamstress can do, see if something can be done at the back where the zipper is--? Or maybe some subtle panel additions to the sides?? A good seamstress will have clever ideas.
I certainly wouldn't pay 300$, is that how much the dress originally cost and you'd be buying a new dress??

If you can stand it for the 1-2hrs of the ceremony and slip into something more comfy for the rest, that works too, I'd say. All eyes will be on the bride anyways :D

good luck and be sure to keep us posted.

for the advice...it took a week or so, but i think my friend and i worked things out. i'm going to pay for the tailoring, and hopefully that works. but next time i'm asked to be a bridesmaid, i'm going to think about it for a much longer time! it's such hard work.