DO U HAVE LOVE WITHOUT DRAMA?

Trying to make it short

Married young, 15 years of marriage, three wonderful children, 7-12.

We have had a fantastic marriage until the last six months. We have had our ups and downs but sailed easily through them.

Stress #1 My wife went from PT work to FT. Our shifts now clash for six months a year where we only really see each other on weekends and I end up taking care of the children and my work. I am up at 3 in the morning, off at 1230, oick the kids up from school and tend to them until their bed time. My wife starts at 1215 and gets home at 845. This is me M-T but I do get fridays off.

Stress #2 Our friends have all either moved away or have became divorced, due to these situations, we have no common friends. When my wife went FT, she made friends with people 10 to fifteen years younger than her. They are single with no commitments who like to stay out late.

Since this has happened, I have noticed our relationship has become very bumpy. We went to counselling(sp?) once, whe did not come with me the second time. She keeps telling me she is going to go by herself but she hasn't yet. I am going again. Some examples of our problem,

She is studying for a course, she complains of her back hurting, I suggest a back rub after her work. She says that sounds great but her work is going to be all night. I drop our daughter off at swimming and come back, she is getting ready to go out to her friends place to watch the OC.

I am beginning to get the flu, I am working these 20 hour days, I ask her, even though I know she is going to jog with her friend, to take the kids, I am exhausted. She agrees, I then fall asleep only to be waken by our kids 40 minutes later. She told the to be quiet. Like kids are going to be quiet. :0)

I got the two visa bills, one month after another, we are hard up for cash, she went and spent $700(500 of it was because we had an argument) on clothes and $300 dollars on treating her and her friends to eating out, $100 on alcohol and $150 at a salon. Each paycheck we always go into the overdraft.

Of course I am starting to feel like I am a single parent. I have become to feel neglected which makes me quite undesirable and needy. Has anyone else experienced this need advice.

I am reading some self help books. I think I am becoming something of an a$$hole and a like codependant(At least what I have been reading anyways. In that my happiness is blown away because we are fiughting.) I am wanting to get our marriage back on tract but with barely seeing her and the little time we do have I am sharing this with her friends. I am not against her friends but I do want our time without interuptions from them or her work.

It all happened so fast and I am becoming emotional exhausted. I am starting to have problems of thinking of anything else now because there is so much involved, 15 years of marriage and three wonderful children.

Sorry, tried to keep it short and sweet. :0)

--------------
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?



Question,

Our relationship until now was very close. We thought of each other and always put each other first. Now with these changes in our lives and our problems, is it normal to become paranoid? I never used to be like that, can stress of a relationship and the stress of being overworked do this? I am just trying to understand myself and even though I feel I am the one being wronged, I do not want to make things worse.

Paranoid meaning, interpreting her emotions, "is she mad at me or just having a bad day", she does not communicate her emotions well, so when I ask her what her thoughts are after discussing our poblems, she says she does not know. I just hate not having anything to go on. Even the counsellar we saw could not get her to open up. So I am trying to figure out what is going on without projecting my imagination.

Why is it so hard to seperate emotion from fact?

One of our friends, seperated with their spouse, said we had it comming. Wew had to good of a relationship for those 15 years.

Just blabbing, can anybody else relate?

Can't get into the counsellar til next thursday :0(

Edited by canuck on May 17 2006,12:25

--------------
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?


Well we went to the wedding. We actually had a good time and I was reminded how much I loved her and how much she loved me.

but

it was quite the distance out. half an hour drive. So I said I would only have a drink or two and she could drink a bit. It was getting late, I was getting tired so I sent my son over to get her attention. Were both in a crowd. She said she would be over in a minute. Half an hour went by and my daughter was getting tired now too. My son went back again and said I was tired, her reply? Go to bed. OK, this is the wife I have seen for awhile. I went saw her and told her I was tired and we should drive soon. Well, she stalled for awhile. So I was also reminded again that her having fun comes before me.

I kept my cool and expressed my dissapointment.

During our personal time, watching a show we both like, she gets a phone call, do you think she could tell her friend she would call her in a bit? Nope, she kept talking through the show. I kept my cool, asked her if she wanted to catch the show during the next hour, we're in SAT. She then hung up. I actually kept my cool.

So, I tryng to make dates for this weekend coming. Do you think she could show some excitment? I suggested having some friends over Fri night. She says, "Ummmm, I don't know, could be tired. We'll see." Yet she has no problem going out late with her friends. I suggest a nice four hour hike, maybe she says, I don't want to leave the kids. Well I have Grandma for that. :0) I suggested a dinner and a show, yuk yuks comedy night, uhh I don't know, maybe.

Anyways, last night she said that I was making her life miserable at times. Well, all I wanted was some attention and time. I know I have shown an angry side with the things she has done but I told her she has made my life not very enjoyable too but I want to work on it.

Finally went to the counselor today. In short, what the counselor said was interesting. We went to joint counselling before and I went once after because my wife decided not to go. Both counselors said the same thing, she is putting her fun as a higher priority than me. That maybe she is having fun after marrying young and being home with the kids for so long. Sound familiar?

My counselor said, express my feelings but do not get angry. Express sadness and dissapointment, do not deny or supress my feelings. It is a good thing that most of the evening of the wedding was incredable! At least it gives me hope to be patient.

For anyone who makes it this far, here is a joke I heard today. A patient says to his doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at eight oclock without fail

Whats wrong with that the doctor asks.

I don't get up out of bed til nine!

--------------
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?