Handle protocols: I think it's fine to indicate status through handles (the upper and lower case thing), as well as relationships. It's a useful and quick way of self-identifying (especially for switches!)
Addressing others: While it is only good manners to be careful to upper or lower case a handle appropriately, I have always preferred your own habit of simply typing correctly (ie., using upper and lower case in the traditional and correct manner) when chatting or posting. I'd very much like to see that as an acceptable protocol, though of course some may feel the need (or have been instructed to) follow the BDSM protocol of i/I you/You.
I personlly prefer not to be required to add a 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' to a Dom/me's handle when addressing them. This something I do at my own discretion, as a way of indicating an incresing level of respect or because I am feeling formal in that moment. Not all Dom/mes deserve the automatic 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' and I find it an empty gesture if it is merely expected.
During a scene: I don't have an opinion on this one, other than if a scene is going on others should probably be respectful of that and unobtrusive. How you'd formalize that is beyond me... although we do have PM boxes...
Other thoughts: I'd like to see some protocol around what Dom/mes may reasonably expect from submissives they do not have claim to.
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