raven
i know exactly what you mean. my submission has opened me up in ways i never dreamed possible. Just before i went to Germany to be with Master r/t i closed myself off emotionally (something i have done on a regular basis in the past). For a long time i thought i was submitting but i really was holding a piece of myself away. i guess you would call it "insurance" against getting hurt. Well, i hurt Master and Robyn in the process. However, after a time i found myself slipping deeper into my submission and found a completion of myself i never thought i would find.
These days i think of myself in terms of b/M (before Master) and a/M (after Master). Before, i had a terrible time with intimacy and letting others get close (really close, into my heart and soul close), now it's different. Between the two of them, Master and Robyn have taken away my defenses and i am softer, more willing to trust and give of myself (including my secret self).
Sometime i can look across the room and see my Wife and Master just sitting at the computer or watching television and tears well up. Not sad tears, but happy tears. i am finally whole, not fragmented anymore. i can love freely, verbalize my love and for once in my life, actually feel the love inside me resonating through my body and spirit. my submission has made me stronger than i ever thought possible. Stong enough to stand up to my parents even though they disapprove of my life choice.
Don't get me wrong, i still struggle daily with mood swings and such, but Master and Robyn have loved me unconditionally and have proven to me They aren't going to throw me away or trade me in.
i know in my heart and soul this love will last an eternity and beyond. For the first time in my life, i am safe, secure and loved. Without my submission i couldn't make it. Each day, the bond becomes stronger and so do i.
~hugs and kisses~
amber
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