Research it. Gain knowledge around the lifestyle and the different variations. Talk to those who live it. Talk to those who live on the brink of it. Understand the lifestyle is what you make it.
Test it. Some where, amongst your research, you will find someone to test it with. Try a very short term contract that has been negotiated to your satisfaction.
Live it. Give yourself over to the test, the dipping of big toe into the pool of BDSM.
Decide...
At this point, if it was a rebellious act, then you really haven't lost much, except, perhaps, the one you parted ways with, and have gained a lot of knowledge and experience you may not have had.
Everyone has a streak that pushes them to desire, want, taste what they cannot, or have yet to, have. Many of us humans want the forbidden - it's the curiousity/fear of the unknown.
Are you willing to step into the fire and take the chance?
Did this answer you? I don't know. But it does feel good to be back on-line, communicating with someone on this board.
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