I don't think that Mistress Steel is trying to suggest that BDSM is about NOTHING but sexual activity.
What she reacts to is a very valid issue. I'll try to explain it here.
There are stereotypes about BDSM out there...the frightening freaks we are, don't you all know? Nothing but whips and chains and kinky sex. And...there is more to BDSM...the lifestyle, the choices, even the scening and sex...there is more to it than that stereotype.
In order to fight that stereotype we say...it's not about the sex. And...honestly...for most of us, choices for this lifestyle are not made based on a desire for kinky sex. Perhaps following our kinky side led us here at first, and let's not deny that we adore the kinky sex...the sex is great once you have it all figured out! But that's not what it is ABOUT.
But in fighting that stereotype we tend to say...ignore the sex, look deeper. And some of us (including me I will not deny it) end up saying...that you can have BDSM without the sex. But I honestly believe I have moved past that perception and I now realize...the sex is fundamental to it.
The simple fact is that the power exchange is so directly influenced by the sex drive and vice versa. A healthy power exchange ends up increasing sex drive in almost all instances I've read about and encountered. And taking control of sexual activities increases the effectiveness of the power exchange.
The two are so tightly entwined. I tried to deny for a long time...tried to say you can have the power exchange w/out the sexual context. Which you can, but...I find that whether you explore the sexual elements, they are there and extremely strong the stronger the power exchange is and the deeper it runs.
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