Here's my thinking on thatSeptember 1 2012 at 7:36 AM
Vince (Login MoxiFox)
Response to Re: The Message, Tim, not the Messenger
First rule is that you live peaceably with all men ... as MUCH as is possible. If someone attacks you, you're within your right to defend yourself by whatever means possible -fast and furious- but you set your mind on living peaceably and not on fighting. Try not to engage in a fight that you have no chance of winning.
Second rule is to UNDERSTAND your "enemy". That is ... if there's no immediate danger of being physically attacked, you question relentlessly to find out WHY your "enemy" has the attitude he/she has.
Third rule is to avoid becoming embroiled in hostile emotional outbursts. If reason gets you nowhere ... walk away from it. Don't let your ego get the best of you; just walk away and leave the silliness. Losing your temper means losing your temper. It's like overheating a leaf spring red hot; it becomes brittle and breakable or bendable and useless as a load holder.
Fourth rule is to use reason and empathy. This is very effective. When you're up against goons, the first thing THEY count on is that you're going to be very scared of them. If you stay calm, don't show fear, demonstrate empathy and calmly ask them the reason for their behavior and then turn it so that THEY are involved in the dilemma that they're trying to perpetrate (ie "do you want your own kids to be victimized in a similar manner" etc.) ... they haven't got an answer and will often go away, leave you alone ... and have to rethink their attitude. The point is that someone who is unthinking and unreasonable has no power left when they're confronted with calm thought and reason. It's always much better to turn an "enemy" into an ally ... than to try and eliminate him ... and then get a lot of retaliation in return.
Fifth rule is that battles are fought and sometimes a war is won but at tremendous cost in bloodshed and suffering ... and then usually it turns out that what you were fighting FOR ... is some shadowy manipulator who stays safely in the background somewhere. While YOU fought valiantly and worthily ... your CAUSE was not worthy at all! In a war, friends turn into enemies and kill each other. They really don't know why; they just believe what they're told. If they were friends BEFORE the conflict ... what changed to make enemies out of friends?
Sixth rule is ... GIVE IT TIME. If you try this, you'll be surprised at the results. Instead of IMMEDIATELY firing back with your tongue, your keyboard, your fists or your gun ... go have a coffee instead and think about how you'll respond. It's amazing how a bit of time can clear your mind and bring up a good response. (This is why I like forums better than instant messaging, LOL). Often, when you give your heated emotions some time to cool, you'll find that you totally misread what the other person was doing.
Seventh rule is to train yourself to always think the best of other people first. Pretend they're just joking and joke back. Talk to them as if you can't quite understand what they're saying because surely ... they WOULDN'T want to hurt you, would they? How many A**holes will openly admit that they want to hurt you for no good reason? Sure, they WANT to ... but they need to get justification and they expect that by bullying, you will give them the justification by attacking back. If you don't ... they don't know what to do next.
So that's seven rules and I rest on the seventh.~~
I don't flawlessly keep my own rules, mind you ... but I do try. I've walked out of tight spots quite a few times.