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Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 28 2017 at 12:23 AM
Pyrahtechnics  (Login Pyrahtechnics)

 
Weather forecast mostly cloudy with the odd sunny break, feeling warm with temperatures of 19C. Good conditions for the seam bowlers to cash in what should be a fine day to bring the curtain down on the 2017 County Championship season.

Essex without question have been worthy title winners, many congratulations to them and former Yorkshire lads Chris Silverwood and Anthony McGrath. I trust that the Essex players, fans and management will be partying hard over their triumph, harder than hard Brexit. It is refreshing to see a non test county, backed with local talent to win the most coveted prize in English cricket instead of a certain London county importing mercenaries from England and abroad.

 
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Guest
(Login ThirdUmpire)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 28 2017, 7:37 AM 

Perhaps in the interests of promoting the spirit and good name of cricket both of which have been under close scrutiny this week with Stokes and the Welsh league incident, Yorkshire should offer to play a t20 game today v Essex to allow them to celebrate their season.

My minor concern is that we may be all out in about 10 overs....

 
 
FCM
(Login FormerlyCountryMember)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 28 2017, 7:47 AM 

5?

 
 
Guest
(Login AndyNowhere)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 28 2017, 9:07 PM 

(No offences intended...)

Today I went to see a medium, hoping to make contact with my Uncle Derek and find where he left the T.V. remote control before he died. My Auntie Elsie has now had the T.V. stuck on endless repeats of Last of the Summer Wine for five years.

Anyway we seemed to end up on a party-line.

“Is that you Uncle Derek?”

“No it is Fred, thee silly bugger,” answered a gruff ghostly voice.

“Fred who?” I asked innocently. I had a ferret called Fred when I was a kid but he went to a ferret retirement farm in Scarborough one night when I was seven. I thought this might be a beautiful reunion.

“Frederick Sewards Trueman.”

Bloody hell! I thought. I never did know what his middle name was. Was this really the greatest fast bowler in the history of cricket whose name wasn’t Simon Dennis?

“How are you?” I asked.

“How the bloody hell do tha think I am? Are thee bloody stupid?” The voice boomed.

“Not entirely happy?” I ventured.

“Not entirely bloody happy? I’m about bloody ready to leave this great Yorkshire Heaven with its celestial slag heaps and rivers of tea and come back to that mortal coil and haunt the bloody lot of thee! I will unleash the whippets of woe!”

“Ah…”

“I’ll sit in the rubble of the Winter Shed and rattle my bloody chains until tha lug ‘oles drop off… Tha knows, I didn’t sleep last night. Not a bloody wink. Sir Len hasn’t touched a cup of tea and Lord Hawke has been muttering about ten drunks and a parson not taking such a bloody whipping. Hedley Verity has been eating his puddings with his main meal he is so upset. It is worse than Blackpool in a wet January here.”

“I think you are overreacting a little…” I said.

I didn’t catch his answer but there appeared to be a clap of thunder and the table leg went cartwheeling across the floor sending a vase of red roses crashing into oblivion.

“Okay… well not overreacting as such…”

“The Maltby under-11’s would have made a hundred and they have plastic bats. The Scarborough Fishmongers over-75’s would have put up more of a fight!”

“We have had England call-ups and an inexperienced coach…” I tried to reason.

“Tha soft East Riding sod. Does tha think Brian Close made bloody excuses or played through the pain? Bob Appleyard had bloody TB twice and came back, does tha think he was bloody mithering? Has thee forgotten where tha’s from?”

“No…”

“Tha has coal dust and fish and chips for blood. When there is nothing but bloody mizzling rain and tha mother-in-law won’t move from tha settee, at least tha’s got that. Tha’s from the same county as Wilfred Rhodes, Geoffrey Boycott and Joe Root. Tha’s one of the chosen ones.”

“Well if you put it like that…”

“This is God’s county my boy. Cricket isn’t just a game here. It is passed down from father to son like a bloody gift. Every last boy from Barnsley to Beverley dreams of wearing the White Rose. They would walk out at bloody Essex feeling like their life was complete. They would give anything for a chance to walk in the footsteps of their heroes. And…”

“Yes? Yes?”

“The remote control is down the back of the settee.”

 
 
Guest
(Login AndyNowhere)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 28 2017, 9:07 PM 

Apologies double post...


    
This message has been edited by AndyNowhere on Sep 28, 2017 9:08 PM


 
 
Guest
(Login ThirdUmpire)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 29 2017, 8:24 AM 

Wonderful.

That's brightened up my day after a crap week for cricket!

I thought Fred might have mentioned about them not needing fancy Dan overseas players , outsiders and kolpaks in his day and the thought of players being rested would have ruffled his feathers.

Plus the idea of warming up and having strength and conditioning training would have prompted a retort along the lines of you get fit for bowling by bowling.

If Gale and Moxon have an ounce of coaching ability they would pin this up on the changing room wall at the start of a he next season.

 
 
WS55
(Login WibseySimon55)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 29 2017, 8:26 AM 

happy.gifhappy.gifhappy.gif

Thanks for that Andy! Laughing out loud -- and almost cheered me up.

 
 
Idle man
(Login Idle_man)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 29 2017, 8:46 AM 

The only time I'm aware of Fred being confronted by a 'fitness expert', he was, according to John Arlott, on the boat to Australia. His response to the suggested regime was 'Canst tha swim?'

 
 
Guest
(Login ExiledinNotts)

Re: Championship | Essex vs Yorkshire at Chelmsford (Day Four)

September 29 2017, 12:47 PM 

Just read Andys post absolutely brilliant. Thanks for sharing

 
 
 
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