The consumer healthcare arm of Phoni Pharmaceuticals (World Domination) PLC, the ailing pharmaceutical giant, yesterday suffered a further set-back when a New Zealand court ruled that advertising for their best-selling fruit drink, Liebena, “was potentially misleading”.
In his summing-up, Judge Otis Tuatara said, “this stuff tastes bloody awful. How anyone can give it to their kids is beyond me.”
The controversy began when two New Zealand schoolgirls, as part of their high school science project, examined claims that the drink contained essential vitamins and minerals. After the two girls had recovered from their bout of sugar poisoning and had undergone extensive reconstructive dentistry, staff and pupils at the Waitanieuoauaeaeiouawa (The Place Where Vowels Abound) High School further analysed the drink and found it to have no life-sustaining properties whatsoever.
A subsequent complaint to the local area health authority resulted in the court action, which resulted in a record NZ$1.3m fine for Phoni.
A spokesman for Phoni (New Zealand) said, “We’re gutted, mate, to be frank. We thought the labelling was pretty bloody clear. Still, we don’t care as we’re flogging off our consumer healthcare division to J & J anyway, so that we can concentrate on our core business of spin-offs, lay-offs and reorganisations. At least we’ve got the names of those school-kids on our HR records now. There’s a couple of smartarses who won’t ever be getting jobs in the healthcare industry, I can tell you. Bloody whistleblowers! Couldn’t pass that bottle opener, could you mate? Cheers….”
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