Hello
I'm new
I don't know what happened to that cool chick I married. Half the time I don't even recognize her. She looks at me with that weird crazed look in her glazed over eyes and her face flushed and her hair a mess and not a care for what she looks like(unlike usual). Every month is a freakin adventure. I'm actually quite confused. I get so pissed at the insane things she says about me and yet when it's all over with she can even joke about it(a little) we can't actually have a real talk about it yet.
She's 43, her periods don't always come regularly but, as soon as I notice discarded pads in the bathroom waste basket, I start to relax, and a week or so after that we're in the sack. Go figure........
Is anyone else just plain confused?

Confusion went away about 5 years ago. Used to think it was me, the house, the car, the dog, the weather etc. etc.
I now just know that it will pass. Sooner or later your wife will get tired of riding the roller-coaster and take a trip to the doctor. My wife went in a couple of times before they took her seriously. ( I think she told them she was going to kill herself before they took her serious.) Until your wife is ready to take the steps there really is not alot you can do about it. The last couple of months I have gotten on here and read some of the posts when things are bad it does help. I would be careful about joking around though. I have done that too and then during the bad times I hear about how I make fun of her and don't support her. I have decided not to joke with her about it anymore. Good Luck

Thanks
What does pmdd15 stand for...? 15 years?
Is there anything that you do or anything that happens that tells you that her PMS has begun. Cause I usually end up in these great big fights before I start to realize how little sense it all makes and once I finally decide she has begun PMS a lot of damage has been done to our relationship. Once it dawns on me that it's PMS, it seems so obvious, then I can plan my strategy(usually to avoid her).
In a strange way it's a relief to know that there is a specific problem, cause I used to think she was going just plain nuts on me.

Yeah, the 15yrs is how long we have been married. I can track pmdd symptoms for about 11 years of that. Some of the more reliable indications my wife shows are increase in appetite, being extremely tired, and for my wife she tends to get fixated on my family. She starts talking about how her mother-in-law never calls her, and how her sister-in-law thinks she is better than everyone else. I have not told her that the reason they do not communicate with her a lot is that they do not know what to expect. One conversation could be very nice and the next she is calling them up and giving them hell for something. It took me a while to figure out these were my indicators. It was at the point where she would ask me if she was getting ready to start and I could tell her how many days she had. She has started taking shots which shut down her ovaries, as well as taking Celexa although she forgets to take the medication half the time. I really think memory loss is a side effect of this.

Hey
I have a daughter from a previous marriage, she's 15. She just turned 7 when my wife and I met. They truly got along very well for a few years. Things started deteriorating on a vacation we took. It was a travelling vacation, you know... driving and staying in motels. My wife complained about everything, and I mean everything incessently for the whole week. That was the first time my daughter ever said anything critical about my wife. She just asked why does she have a problem with everything. I said I didn't know. I honestly didn't know what else to say. I was just as puzzeled as my daughter.
To make a long story short, as I look back over recent years it is a fact that my wife has lost my daughter's repect. My wife longs to have that special friendship back with my daughter but, my daughter says she turned into a fony bitch.
THIS is the fixation that my wife gets on. When she says the words "we need to talk" , it's always about my daughter. As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I'm planning my escape. If I don't think quick and "vanish" it quite easily can turn into a huge fight.
I guess that is what my real problem is. The huge fights.(not physical) Just a whole lot of yelling and swearing and now name calling. It's getting worse.
Yeah it's the fighting I want to avoid.
Sometimes I'm better at escaping then others.

I had to laugh because I do the same thing. The second it starts I start thinking about alright where do I have to go. It worked good until she figured it out. Now she always says something like don't leave I have to talk to you. Or you never want to talk to me. My family knows what is going on with my wife, but they will only take so much. In your daughters eyes I am sure she see's her as phony, and the one thing I have learned is that some women do not forget, and I mean never. Hell, I have been out of college almost twenty years and my wife still gives me hell for stuff I did back then. I think that unfortunately the women who do not have pmdd do not understand fully what those that do are going through. They think they just need to buck up.

Hi :) For the most part I want the participants on this forum to do the talking, but after reading your post Anonymous, I thought that I should explain something from the point of view of a woman who suffered severely from PMDD and cured herself completely, and can now look at this disorder through truly experienced eyes.

It is very true, that yes, those women who have not endured severe PMDD don't have a clue what it is like to be caught in its vicious vice-like grip (holds true for you dear men-folk too), and the automatic response is "get it together." For women suffering from PMDD this seems harsh and really does make them feel like no-one truly understands -- however!

There is a very real danger for women suffering from PMDD to use the disorder as an excuse (not necessarily a conscious decision) to not make a concerted personal effort to change negative thinking patterns, to learn self-control, to change destructive habits, or to acquire the discipline and patience necessary for a truly successful recovery.

Curing PMDD does not depend on medication alone -- it requires tremendous self-discipline, patience, a determined will and some knowledge of the inner-workings of the mind and how our thinking does really affect our material bodies, which requires study.

All of the above mentioned requires an adjustment in the thinking processes. So yes, controlling or overcoming the negative effects of PMDD is not only a matter of the body, but of the mind as well!

It is not an easy road by any means, but PMDD is not an insurmountable mountain either, it is all in how one perceives it. Now I do know that most severe sufferers of PMDD (I include myself here when I was at my worst), when in the thros of PMDD, lack the necessary 'presence of mind' to grab a hold of themselves, to exercise sound judgement, to think rationally; so one cannot reasonably expect them to do this 'mental work' I mentioned whilst undergoing their symptoms. But there is truly no excuse to not make a start during the good times. It takes consistent effort, but if the sufferer makes a concerted effort during the good times of the month, the worst times will exponentially become easier to handle. This was my personal experience with PMDD and I will stand behind this 100% for as long as I live. :)

Well, that's my 10c worth. If I have made 1 person think about PMDD in a different light, then I consider my efforts and time well spent.

All the best to everyone on the board, and please keep posting. :)
Anthea

Hello Anthea
My wife doesn't know that I even go to this website, let alone that I am a member.
I'm not sure if she has PMS or PMDD, it may be a combination of the two or it may be progressing from the prior to the latter... I don't know. I do know it's getting worse. The last 12 days have been "pretty bad".
My wife has not admitted that she has a problem. She hasn't indicated that there might be a problem regarding her menstrual cycle, although she has referred to herself as peri-menopausal. She usually uses this term when describing her reduced labido and erratic menstrual cycle but, NEVER PMS. She is a registered nurse and looks down on anyone who thinks they may have a solution to a medical problem, especially if they aren't a Doctor.
Any suggestions on how I address the PMS issue with her. After reading at this website and researching many others, I am convinced that PMS/PMDD is a real issue.
I have bookmarked many URL's on our browser in the hope that she will take notice. Obviously I can't mention it this week because she is still having symtoms, ALTHOUGH it does seem to be subsiding(she is becoming a little cheery and spontaneous).
She and I have the same family Doctor, should I bring it up with him first?
I'd be interested in your response...

Steve

Hi Steve,

Yes, I certainly think that speaking privately with your family doctor is an excellent idea. Tell him exactly how you feel and what your thoughts are on the matter, and rope him in as an aide. I'm sure you will not be the first husband to approach him for these reasons. ;) My husband did the same with me, and it worked! (I was very stubborn in the beginning too) :D

As an impartial 3rd party the doc could prove to be really helpful, especially given the fact that your wife is a nurse and is reluctant to take advice from non-medical people. At the very least he could tactfully, without mentioning your private meeting with him, bring the PMS/PMDD to her attention. This might at least get her thinking about things (even if she is reluctant to admit it at first) and bring her that much closer to final self-realization/admission, which should lead to taking the necessary steps to do something positive about it. It would be a beginning, and that is better than nothing. ;)

As a matter of fact, the doc might tell you that worsening PMS, missed periods, lack of libido and a host of other symptoms is very common for women going through peri-menopause, you might confirm this with him just for interests' sake. If she is actually experiencing peri-menopause (only the doc can diagnose this), and it is managed/treated correctly, then the PMS/PMDD symptoms should decrease and become more bearable for her, and more pleasant to deal with, for you.

I wish you all the best,
Anthea

Had to laugh Steve, my wife does not know about this board and I am still trying to find a creative way to lead her to it. I did talk to our family doctor who is friend and they ended up referring her to her Gynocologist who then sent her to the psychiatrist who together diagnosed her. Although I do continue to get frustared when she does not take her medication, I have to admit that things are 100% better than they used to be. The violence has stopped, and she is actually coming to some self realization. She was in therapy for several months which was helpful for her, but we did set the ground work that what she did in therapy she did for her and that I was to stay out of it and support, which I did. I really think that underlying issues are exacerbated for those with pmdd which may lead professionals to think that those are the primary issues, unfortunately for my wife it took years for her to figure out that the pmdd was controlling her life.

I'm planning to phone and make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow...here goes.
It was May 17 when my wife started her most recent pms symtoms. We had 3 MAJOR arguements(putting it politely) in the first 6 days until I finally caught on, to just stay away from her. For the past week she has been discarding pads in the bathroom waste basket but, there is no evidence that her period has begun.
Last week for a couple of days she seemed to be cheering up a bit but, today was more of the same, complaining about the kids, the nieghbors, the house and of course me, then when she asked me if I was happy...
Ya know the times when you're just dying to yell out the truth but, you don't because you know it'll cause even more trouble?
I must sound like a bit of a whiner.
I don't talk about this with anyone else just yet so... I guess you folks are it.
I don't like this grouchy bitch very much and I wouldn't mind my wife back for a while.
Later,
Slightly Frustrated

generally once the cramping starts your home free. I understand what you mean. I never claim unhappiness or frustration, lest the wrath........I realize we sound calous sometimes, but this message board has been a great find for me, I wish I could have stumbled upon something like this ten years ago.

I think I've been doing this around 3 years and I wonder if it's worth it. Believe me I can live without the personal critisisms, the loneliness, not to mention the filthy house. I work fulltime and she works parttime and I do more laundry, dishes, groceries, cooking and hmm... let me see!
I've got a beautiful tour bike in the garage and I can't ride it on my day off cause I'm doing housework.
I can't mention the inequities around here or I'll start a huge fight and that's the very last thing I want.
I get thinking about my kids and I feel better because I know that they're worth(I think) ya, they are.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm gaining wisdom at 43 years old or if I'm wasting my life.
Later

The house......oh yes, we don't discuss that one either. I pretty much do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning. Whats even more fun is I do all the running around we both work full time, but I take care of everything, kids lessons, sports, bills, hell I even schedule her dr's appts. Now interestingly my wife thinks she does all of it, but we just let her keep on thinking that, except for one of my younger kids who is always telling her he shouldn't pick up his things because she doesn't pick up hers. You know it really did take some time figure it all out and believe me I went through phases when I was ready to walk I didn't because she is my soul-mate, we may go to battle at home but when the chips are down her loyalty is right next to me. When things are good she is funny, creative, caring and would do anything for anyone. It is sad when I think about what happens to her, and I have to remember it is not a choice she has made. I too look at my kids and know I am not wasting my life. I do have things that I do just for myself, I am into sports and have buddies that I go out with and I actually go on vacation with just a couple of my friends once a year, and believe it or not I can't wait to get home. My wife and I have talked about this and we are both from the old school that when we got married it was a life long committment, for better or worse. Sometimes the worst lasts longer than the better but we keep on truckin. Hang in there.

i would love for men to have a period just once and then there would be no more misunderstanding and disrespect. i felt like this guy who wondered what happened to his "cool chick" wife. i was the cool chick and then i would cry for no reason, i was paranoid and moody and i hated myself when i was like that...and i overapologized to my wonderful boyfriend about it. and he was understanding. i made more of a big deal out of it than he did. and i wasn't unhappy..but around my period, i just wasn't myself and i didn't like who i was. and my girlfriend said to me, "if you aren't depressed, why are you crying all the time?" she advised me to go to a psychologist...get therapy. i went, my self-esteem was normal, i was just teary and moody around my period.

Turns out, it was PMDD. It was a chemical thing. When we get our periods, we swell up. this is a well known fact. but what isn't so well-known, is that we have this one organ that doesn't respond well AT ALL to this swelling...our brians. I was put on lexapro and am back to my normal "cool chick" self. Even during my period. I hope this advice helps not just women, but boyfriends and husbands all over.
plongmire

I've been told a mature man can live with his wife's moods.
It's possible my learning curve is more gradual than most.
My wife told me she had her period at the end of May.(so much for my sleuthing skills) She said it lasted for a day and a half.(probably the reason I missed it)
I was hoping her moods would lighten up once she had her period but, they didn't really. When she found out I consulted our family doctor about how to "act" around someone who "may" have PMS, she FREAKED!
She accused me of never loving her, of conspiring with the doctor(whom she no longer trusts) to prove she's mentally unstable and of divising to plan to leave her and take our young daughter with me.
As God is my witness, I consulted the doctor in hopes of supporting my marriage. I love my wife even though she doesn't much act like the woman I married. As far as my little daughter(not the 15 yr old) goes, I can't think of anything that would break her heart more than if I took her away from her Mom. She's the one, in fact, that gives me all my hope, that keeps me going.
Look, I'm not here to bash my wife or women. I would like to be understood and I hoped to meet some others here that would be "in tune with me" not simply wondering why I don't understand women. I've never had PMS and never will. You'll have to do better than just wish that on me.
Even after my wife had her period, she's still accusing me of some pretty weird ****.
It's crossed my mind that she is no longer in love with me and isn't strong enough to tell me. You know...if I finally give up and leave her, she can always say she never really knew why, right...? She'd never have to take responsibility for her part would she. She'd never have to live with the guilt of making a decision to hurt our daughter. She could remain comfortably, "in denial".

Just trying to make sense of it all.
Later
Steve

Well lets see where do I start.....The period lasting a day and a half was pretty common for my wife. Usually it starts with moods and tiredness, followed by agonizing cramps for about 4 days then her period. Usually it takes several days from her to recover from that as well as the guilt she felt about the things she may or may not have done. I waited until she talked to the doctor about her periods before I jumped in. Live and learn I guess Steve, it will pass. I am a little unclear why anyone would wish this upon us just as I would not wish any mental illness on another. Yes, it is in the DSMIV as a mental illness. And just as you, when I made my vow it was for better or for worse, SICKNESS and health. Any way it appears as though you and I are about the only men who are currently posting anything and I know that hearing that someone else is going through the same thing is helpful if only that I can relate. PMS and PMDD are two very different things and we are affected by this condition just in a very different way......Thats all folks......

Steve, you are going through a tough time, that is a certainty.

My husband and I stood at the verge of divorce (many times). The realization that I had to do something about my illness didn't happen overnight, it took many very painful months.

You did the right thing by speaking with the doctor. And while it can be helpful to wait for the wife to make the first move, i.e. speaking with the doctor about symptoms, everyone is different and every situation is unique. What works for one may not work for another. This obviously did not work in your situation (but how could you know that? At least you tried and that is all that counts), now it's time to move onto plan B, C, D, E etc. however long your patience can stand it.

Also, please keep in mind that even if your wife freaked out, and is very clearly in denial, it really is her problem (the denial) and something she will have to overcome before any real work can be done to address her health problems, and it would appear, your relationship issues.

Something I learned throughout the whole horrid ordeal of my PMDD, and in talking with many hundreds of people about this disorder over the last 4 years, is that some people (I speak here specifically of PMDD sufferers in denial) sadly only learn through the school of hard knocks (natch).

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR EVERYONE READING THIS: LADIES & GENTS ALIKE:

As for wishing that men could experience a period or PMS PMDD just so that they would know how it feels is completely ludicrous. And although I can understand the motivation behind this type of comment, I cannot agree with it. Of COURSE if men and women could swap bodies and brains for a day we would find the answer to world peace and hunger, NOT to mention complete understanding and love among all. Sorry to dissappoint, but thinking like this is not realistic, nor is it logical, and it ain't gonna happen. No matter how hard you wish it. ;)

Now, for those who like to deal in logical and truthful reality and the here and now, let's face with the issues at hand, stop casting blame and abdicating from self-responsibility, and start making some real changes.

No offense to anyone who reads this, but you really have to put yourself in your spouse and childrens' shoes before making such comments (wish men could have pms, wish the wife/gf could be on the receiving end of PMDD etc. etc.) please! :) PMDD affects BOTH the sufferer and her WHOLE family in MANY very different and negative ways, none of which is any easier to bear and cope with than another, i.e. the PMDD sufferer's suffering is not any worse or better than the suffering afflicted upon her family through her illness, and vice-versa. Enough said. :)

All the best,
Anthea

PS: And Gents, even though it is just the two of you now, please continue posting, you are welcome here, this is YOUR forum. There are many more who read the forum daily (the site stats tell me so!). And who knows, but our 'lurkers' may be encouraged by your posts to become more involved in the forum too. It's got to start somewhere, like I said, this is a unique message board. Thanks! :)

Hi,

I don't post much, but I read this site and the women's board daily. I'm in full agreement that it helps to hear other people going through the same thing, for a variety of reasons. Not the least, just to know that other people have had (very) similar experiences, and that for some, there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel.

I agree that its pointless to wish others could feel PMS, PMDD, or a kick in the nuts, for that matter. It isn't going to happen; we guys seem horrid and insensitive for complaining about our wive's symptoms but at the same time, I find very little understanding from the women's side as to what it is like to live with somone who has this problem. WHat do you expect, I'm a man who lives with a PMDD-affected woman?!? In other words, yeah, my perspective is tainted.

I'm fortunate in that I realized something was very, very wrong a long time ago. I never knew what, until recently, but I'm pretty good at realizing that my wife isn't in any kind of control of herself between ovulation and her actual period. That allowed me to not be so quick to blame, I guess. This isn't to say that I haven't had about six million issues with her behaviour over the years, but at least I do understand - It isn't something she can just turn off. She isn't just trying to be an a-hole, and no matter how ridiculous or abusive she may be acting right now, well, hey, that's her reality at the moment.

I can't control her behavior. I _can_ however, control my reactions to her behavior. I started therapy for myself, because it doesn't appear that she is going to get this all taken care of any time soon, and it has been quite a blessing.

I don't understand my wife's denial too well, she can sit at the couples counselor and say that she has been horribly abusive for ten years but doesn't seem to make any connection between that and the fact that I've become very withdrawn and defensive over the years. Well, I can't MAKE her see that. But, I CAN work on my own issues to lessen the severity of my own reaction to this stuff. And, it seems to be helping, both with me and with our relationship. Being withdrawn and defensive was making our problems worse, though I think they are very understandable coping mechanisms given our circumstances.

Maybe this will help a bit, my counselor explained that this problem has serious guilt and self-esteem issues that go along with it. He put it this way (kind of corny, I know, but I liked it). "Think of you and your wife walking through the desert. THink of self esteem as water. You have a gallon, she has an ounce. Think of an apology or acknowledgement of bad behavior as a gift of water - she CANNOT do it, because without her water, she will die. She doesn't have enough to share."

Dunno if it helps you, but if I relate to my wife that way, and I don't expect her to try and make me feel better, hey, I feel better. I know she says a lot of rotten sh*t that is pretty mean, but it isn't her. Feeling good about this is going to have to come from me, because she doesn't really have the capacity to understand how the stuff she does makes me feel, or, she DOES understand, but to acknowledge it would make her give up too much of herself - and a lot of the time, she's barely holding on.

Oh yeah, and here's an important bit - it isn't HER JOB to make me feel good about this, its MY JOB.

And hey, if you HAVE PMDD, and you don't agree with the above analogy, tough luck. It really isn't for people with PMDD, its for people who have to cope with them. I don't care if its accurate or not, it helps me curtail behavior I have that makes it worse, so if I'm deluding myself, let me keep on doing it. My relationship with my wife, since I started counseling a few months ago, has improved drastically, and I think its largely due to the fact that my attitude towards her issues has changed in a positive way.

So, thanks to all the people that post on both forums. Keep doing it and do it often, people benefit from it, even if they only rarely surface to say "Hello."

Hi
You have all been very helpful to me, even you "coolchick".I guess one common symptom(?) is that the sufferer offen doesn't beleive or realise it's happening to them. I know my wife sure doesn't realise when it's happening and she SURE doesn't believe it when it's over. In fact she gets downright indignant if I even mention it. She accuses me of being the one with the anger management problem, and the one with the communication problem because I leave the room in the middle of serious disscusions. I admit I get angry, REALLY angry but it's usually in the heat of the moment, BEFORE I repeat BEFORE it crosses my mind that the conversation is getting just... plain weird. Like I said once before, that's when it finally dawns on me that it's pms, and then it all starts to make sense.

Something happened at the beginning of the week. My wife has been acting very(how should I put it) normal.
On Tuesday she gave me compliments on the landscaping I did and the woodworking I did and how good I looked...!?
She even winked at me(inconspicuously)during a conversation we were having with one of our neighbors.
Now, THIS is what I'm used to. This is how we have treated each other for years and this is what I've been waiting for, for almost a month. The strange thing is now I'm a little gun shy. These past few weeks have been "memorable" and it's hard for me to get over it just right away like that. I guess I'm a little withdrawn myself and prefer not to be insulted again espacially when I'm not prepared for it. I'd kind of like to keep my wits about me if it happens again.

(I'll have to finish this note after, sorry out of time)
Later
Steve

Are you sure your wife isn't secretly seeing both of us? ;)

I can really relate to much of the content of your post. If I mention PMDD, get caught reading about it, etc. I am often accused of blaming all of our problems on PMDD, though that couldn't be further from the truth. My take on that is that we have other issues, but until her PMDD gets more under control we're going to have a hell of a time working them out, because frankly, 50% of the time I'm seen as the evil one no ifs, ands or buts.

I have been accused of similar things - according to her in the bad months, I have an anger mgt. issue, she has "diagnosed" me with manic depression (my psychologist assures me that that is about the least of my worries, but my wife remains convinced), etc. Basically, during the bad times, "Its ALL my fault" and whatever BS she can stick to me during that time, well, she will try to do it.

As for leaving the room during heated, serious discussions - hell, the couples therapist SUGGESTED that as a tactic to avoid the screaming battles that we used to have. There is one condition though - recognize what is happening early, tell her the reason why you are leaving (Boilerplate: the reason is that you are losing your temper and need to go contain yourself), and that you will be back to finish the conversation when you can do so in a civil fashion.

As for her points on anger management, well, when I took a look at it, I realized that I DO have an anger management issue. I don't feel bad about the fact that I get angry about this stuff sometimes - after all, I am human and every human has a breaking point. Frankly, my wife seems to enjoy pushing things to that point during her bad times, I think possibly because then its easier for her to blame everything on me if I lose it and provide her with cannon fodder. I don't think people who have to deal with PMDD-afflicted spouses have to deal with normal levels of **** though - more like **** to the tenth power. So, while its understandable that I finally snap and get pissed, it sure doesn't help anything after I have done so.

So, I'm learning how to manage my anger better. Getting as much information as possible helps me be a lot more understanding, because I now realize what's going on earlier and knowing it helps delay that explosion.

The "gun shy" feeling, well, that's a lot of my life in a nutshell. Steve, its a NORMAL REACTION. Think of it like this - if someone was to walk by and slap you twenty times, and then walked by the twenty-first time and raised their hand, well, guess what? You are going to flinch, whether or not that peron slaps you on the twenty first pass. Well, thats what being gun shy is all about. You have no idea whether or not she is going to slap you, but its happened so often, you are prepared for it and react accordingly.

Here's the trap with that though: You are going to flinch when she is "normal." This is going to cause a lot of pain in your relationship, because she is NOT going to understand your reaction, no matter how logically you lay it out.

My doing this has been a big factor in us almost headed for divorce court for years. So, I have to learn how to avoid being withdrawn and defensive. It isn't easy, and a large part of it involves me extending my ability to forgive her. I gotta get over the first twenty times, and not flinch.

OK, I'll define "flinch" for me - I become withdrawn and uncommunicative in the face of verbal abuse. Well, THAT is exactly what I CANNOT allow myself to do during the good times.

I'm working on it, things in my relationship are most definately not always perfect, but this stuff DOES help. My wife has had a particularly awful nasty time this month, I still heard all the crap about this is all my fault, I still heard the "I'm moving out" threats this month. But, we recovered from it quicker and I'd like to think that my handling of myself during this time had a lot to do with it.

Man, the denial and associated crap with this is a killer though, isn't it? I sat there in couples therapy the other day while my wife went about her usual "Blame it all on me" crap, until finally even he couldn't take it anymore and said that in his professional opinion, this is a serious chemical imbalance and has serious impacts on the lives of those around her as well as her own life, and guess what? Even that didn't cut through it. Of course, faced with this reality, she is now convinced the therapist is out to get her because he is a man and doesn't understand her and she wants to fire his ass, but what are you going to do? Hahahaha..............

Even with all this though, I did manage a small "victory" this month. I've been living in relationship limbo since last October, basically she's been threatening to leave me every five minutes or so during that "bad" half of the month. After six months of couples therapy though, she decided last week that she does in fact want to work on the relationship, and is committed to 100% effort in therapy from here on out (I don't know how her desire to ****can the therapist plays into this, but I'll take progress where I can find it). This is a major change, and with it comes an amazing sense of relief. I'm sure I don't need to explain what limbo feels like. Not that our RELATIONSHIP is no longer in limbo, but hey, at least she says she's willing to work on it now.

I guess success at this comes in very small bits at a time. My wife's diagnosis of manic depression aside, a lot of good comes from maintaining an optimistic attitude, not giving up hope, and keep on smashing your head into the wall until you break through it.

Good luck, man.

Well it seems my questions are all being answered before I ask them.
It's been a week since things cooled down around here. It sure is nice to, not have to leave the house just to avoid a fight. I've begun to let my guard down. It seems different this time though.
I have been trying extra hard not to enflame stressful situations for 2 reasons.(1) Cause I'm not sure just how free I can be with my opinions at this point and (2) Cause if there is the emergence of a PMS episode I want to feel completely comfortable knowing that I didn't provoke it somehow.

My wife and I have been spending a lot more time together lately so it's not leaving me with as much time to myself to compose a more thoughtful (response).