Alright all, just got off the phone with my wife, who just got back from the doctor. They have decided to take the ovaries out. She was taking the Lupron shot and when the shot wore off we were right back where we started with sleeping, depression, out of control anger etc. etc. . I am a little curious as to what to expect from this. She went to counseling for a year and finally found a female Gynocologist she could relate to and actually was able to give her the appropriate PMDD diagnosis instead of telling her she was nuts, anyway after experiencing this for so long I am excited about the prospects, but not getting my hopes up completely yet. Steve as for you I can relate, I am extremely gun shy. My wife will often ask me what is bothering me following our two week trip to hell and I really can't explain it to her. I really have come to not have any expectations from her and enjoy the good times. I read these posts and they are identical (pretty much) to how I relate to my wife. I will leave the room when she starts in because I know I am in a catch 22 situation. If I even begin to explain something I am told that I am blaming everything on her and that I do not support her and that I yada yada yada.....I know this is probably not the best thing, but sometimes I have actually started laughing becuase the things that are being said are so completely off the wall. (Let me caution you to not do this the results have never been pretty.) Well anyway I liked the desert story I read on yesterdays post I reminded myself of that last night as I was getting hell from my wife due to a dream she had the night before in which I didn't take the kids somewhere they had to be. Yes, I do get b**ched out for dreams she has. Which is also an indication to me that we are about to start our voyage again. I will keep you all updated on the surgery process, and if anyone knows of anyone who has had pmdd and then surgery let me know how it went. Later

Hi :)

I am very pleased with the way this board is taking shape, and I wanted to thank you for your, and the other participants' steady support of it. :)

About your wife's surgery ... it is not something I recommend to women as a first-line solution to treating pms/pmdd, and there are several good reasons for this. Rather such a drastic measure is something which should be undertaken only with the greatest of caution and consideration. Of course age is very important for obvious reasons, and if surgery is really the last option for your wife, then I wish you both the very best.

I also should let you know that it might not be an immediate cure, as your wife will undergo some radical changes in her body due to the possibility of premature menopause, and other changes, etc. (depending on if this is complete removal or partial). Also, post-surgery your wife may experience some normal mood changes and depression -- it is something that occurs with any kind of surgery, for men and women alike, and possibly something she might want to ask the doc. about so that she can be prepared for these changes (which should be temporary under normal circumstances).

All the best, and let us know how it goes.
Anthea

I have my hopes, but I am still holding back. I went through this when we first started medication and that didn't go over very well. I guess the Doctor decided it was pretty extreme. She actually went to the doctor a couple of months ago when she was right in the middle of ovulation and they saw the light. Normally my wife is the not all that emotional, I mean she laughs at me if I tear up in movies, but during ovulation she can't control it she will lay in bed crying for hours if I ask her what it wrong she will state she doesn't know. Right before her diagnosis she became suicidal I am not talking about the histrionic borderline stuff I am talking real thing. She was even making plans for the rest of the family which I was not aware of. I hope that the surgery will help, I am very concerned about the Menapause, Hormone therapy etc. She said they were only taking Ovaries, and that it would be done on an outpatient basis. It will be in about three weeks. So I will get through the next cycle with hopes of things getting better.
On another note, I have got to say that I wish this board would have been here about ten years ago when I didn't know what the hell was going on. In the last couple of months it has been so much easier to get through cycles knowing that I am not the only spouse living through this. I can relate to everything that has been said on here. I will continue to post and let you all know how the surgery went.

Hi
When people hear about someone being suicidal, I think they tend to question the authenticity of the situation.
We went to a funeral recently. A friend of ours took his own life after years of struggling with depression, and prior attempts on his own life. At the funeral I was surprised to hear more than one person mention how selfish he was... you know, cause he left behind a young family who needed him.
As we learned from his widow(whom we are close to) he didn't have a choice. He felt tormented daily. He was stricken with extreme sadness. He had no perception that there was any valid reason to believe, there may be a possible treatment for his condition. In fact, he truly felt like a burden to his wife and a bad example to his children. She believes this somehow allowed him(in part) to justify such drastic measures.

The point I'm trying to make is, he BELIEVED it!

As I read your post I wondered about your wife's pending surgery and initially thought that it was drastic measures. After reading about her suicidal tendencies, I will not sit here and judge you as to the appropriatness of your actions. I have never delt with suicide in my family but, I do now know that it is serious stuff.

Later
Steve

When I think of drastic measures, I think of taking my kids and leaving. I guess it took about 13 years before my wife could even acknowledge that she might have pmdd. We went through years of my wife thinking she was crazy ( I often times had to agree, although I never told her) She was afraid to talk to the doctor about it, she absolutely refused to even talk about medication, because she thought that would confirm she was nuts. She is a very proud woman and the thought of needing help with anything was foreign to her. I think it was two years ago when she spent almost the entire summer in bed that she finally went in and let them have it. She was at the point where she would have one good week a month. The rest was hell for her and the rest of us. It is hard to explain to someone what it feels like to have your wife laying in bed next to you and hearing her cry through the entire night. If I tried to help, she would push me away,she honestly could not explain what was wrong only that she was miserable. Once she started on the medication I saw a difference, she takes celexa and paxil. When I say a difference I just mean it was not as severe. she finally started the Lupron shot and that made all the difference in the world. The thing is they will not give it for more than six months. We are both 40, have three kids, and are ready to move forward. As she told me the other night. If she could take the ovaries out herself she would. The operation will be on an outpatient basis and there is a two week recovery time. We are looking at the first of August for surgery, I will keep you all updated.

Yes Yes...
No expectations on my part. This recent week and a half has been great, tentatively that is. I'm a little preoccupied, observing how she reacts to everything. Looking for unusual signs. None so far. It really has been pretty good. It makes me wish sometimes I'd never found this website cause I got a funny feeling I'm in for a long road.

I've taken a fairly good look at myself. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I want to make sure my perceptions are clear and accurate, cause I ain't perfect either.
You see my wife accuses me of trying to make her a scapegoat for all our problems. She says if I can make her out to be crazy, then I don't have to deal with my problems.
I suppose if she was a weaker person, and I was desparate to avoid issues, I could manipulate her into thinking all the problems were her own. I realize how some indviduals can control others with constant ridicule, shaming and guilt. I've even allowed the fact that I may have altziemers and that I'M the one who is acting crazy and irrational... who knows, you never know.

In all fairness, I have seriously considered these possibilities. However I have to admit that there are only certain times in the month when she shows this bazarre behavior and it's always just before her period. Others in my family have noticed her mood swings and strange behavior and have asked me if she's ok. I say "ya she's just tired, you know...shift work at the hospital".
My 80 year old Mother has been the recipient of a fairly rediculous interrogation by my wife(in the middle of the night). She phoned me the next day to ask me if my wife was ok. I felt embarrassed for my wife. I have covered for her on more than one occasion. I feel sorry for her and I feel embarrassed for her.
I am becoming less effective at covering up for her. I know all the nieces and nephews in the family are starting to talk about her. I don't want her to lose the respect of my family members.

Anyway...

This week really has been great. We have a nieces wedding on Saturday.... should be a good party! No expectations.


And you.......... Good Luck!

Later
Steve