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This time he surprised me...or not?

March 9 2005 at 12:26 PM
from IP address

When I was a 16-year-old, cocky, little bastard thinking I had the world by the nuts because I was talking on the radio for a living and screwing every girl that I met in the late 70's, a fellow DJ turned me on to "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and the wonderfully twisted view of the world expressed so eloquently perverse by Hunter S. Thompson. It wasn't until January of this year that I was able to identify and appreciate that single event as the one significant ingredient that created the complicated being I am today. For a man of some degree of remaining mental facilities, I'm somewhat embarrassed that I didn't recognize it sooner.

As I've lived my life the last 25 years or so, many of the people that I've gotten close to have driven themselves to the brink of madness trying to figure out what the **** was wrong with me. Myself, I didn't think there was anything short circuiting, and if there was I didn't give a ****! I was being who I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do and wringing every drop of experience I could out of life. I am a person that will do something just because nobody thinks it can or should be done. I'm addicted to causing people to laugh, or gasp in utter disbelief or shock. I write words just as I see them. Whatever it is that keeps most people from speaking without thinking of the repercussions of their words, I don't have, and if I did I'd have it removed. I've never been one to kiss ass because it was politically correct or the smart thing to do, and for that I am grateful, albeit often unemployed. My theory is that if everyone says what they think, there'd be a lot fewer misunderstandings.

It took me 25 ****ing years to realize the impact that Hunter S. Thompson had on my personal evolution. A month after I experience that epiphany, that crazy, drunken, dope fiend impacted me again. In the past his impact has caused many unpleasant situations on my road trip through life, but none of them have stung like this final birdie he flipped the world. All the others have merely been part of an on-going education in humanity.

I am now however, feeling lost and alone, surrounded by a society that is blindly lost in the status quo. A society that has become too lazy to think for themselves, too needy of external validation to question what's wrong directly in front of them. This society is rapidly dissolving into what HST called "part of the downward spiral of dumbness" that if not reversed, will result in "a disaster of unthinkable proportions" negatively affecting democracy, civil liberties, human rights and global harmony. I was always sure that no matter how unconventional or radical I got, HST would have agreed with me, or at least degened my right to express my disgust!

Hunter S. Thompson was the person who let me know it was not only okay to question authority, but it was a responsibility as a patriot to ask the tough questions and share the ugly answers. His fear and loathing of the blatant abuse of power showed me that the pen is mightier than the sword, and he instilled in me a love of words and writing. He proved to the world that excessive amounts of drugs and/or alcohol did not always land a person in the gutter, or silence ones creative voice. Most importantly, I learned from his character, his direct and bruatal honesty and the example he set, showing the world that a person can be exactly who they are meant to be, say what they truly believe, piss their adversaries off and still be loved, respected, admired, feared and loathed.

Although I'm usually a fairly competent writer, the words I'd usually express myself with have been missing since February 20th, 2005. While I've always thought of death as an experience to celebrate, the ultimate acid trip if you will, this caused an unfamiliar reaction. I feel sorry for myself because I lost the closest thing to an idol I've ever had. I'm pissed at the Godfather of Gonzo, but understand that he departed from this big blue marble the same way he lived on it... by his rules and no others. I hope that by putting these thoughts into cyberspace, I can begin to deal with his departure, and find my words again.

While I'm certain my thoughts are not totally unique to me, I'd like to think they partly are. I sure would have liked it if Hunter S. Thompson would have known the effect he had on me and that everything my future consists of will also be somehow affected by his influence. But how could he have ever known? I didn't figure it out until 45 days ago, 25 years after the fact. Well, I guess I can only say it here...Thanks for the ride, Duke.

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March 9 2005, 12:48 PM 

fascinating tribute to yourself. yawn.

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Re: yawn

March 9 2005, 2:09 PM 

I didn't write it for you, you miserable little slug.

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Re: This time he surprised me...or not?

March 9 2005, 12:56 PM 

I agree man. It seemed like he was the closest thing to a hero for me too. It seemed like he would be one of the only people to understand my actions and words I use in conversation.
Your letter I think speaks for a lot of us, freaks, underground dwellers that could not be explained by the norms set by society, free thinkers. Hunter knew what he was talking about and was very observant of the situation. I can't align with the "freak" term, mainly due to only being 25, but I have considered myself a part of the "underground" since high school. Just consider the fact that mainstream society doesn't recognize a genius as such until thier passing.
Seems kinda bakward if ya ask me.

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oh yeah...

March 9 2005, 1:05 PM 

On a good note....Me and a good friend(also HST fan) decided that we are going to memorialize the good Doctor by purchasing 36 X 60 inch canvases to paint the Gonzo logo on. If anything's worth doing, it's worth doing right. It will go good in the living room.

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kid b


March 19 2005, 9:04 PM 

dontcha wish hst could read what everybody is saying about him now?

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Re: This time he surprised me...or not?

March 9 2005, 2:31 PM 

Unless your goal is to be a wierd guy nobody can relate to - take it from me, a total stranger to you - best to get this infatuation out of your system in this type of (anonymous) forum. Grieve and move on with your (real) life.

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March 9 2005, 8:39 PM 

Yes, grieving is partially what I'm doing here, along with most of the others posting their thoughts. It's not infatuation, but awe and respect, which you may not be familiar with.

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Re: This time he surprised me...or not?

March 10 2005, 9:41 AM 

very nicely written...i agree

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ho ratio

yawn hammer

March 10 2005, 4:47 PM 

Question authori-tay!

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Re: yawn hammer

March 10 2005, 7:25 PM 


Hi honey, I'm home. Eewwwwww! You made a mess in the kitchen.

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Re: yawn hammer

March 11 2005, 5:54 PM 

Ewwww! clean up after you leave honey

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re: this time he surprised me

March 19 2005, 8:05 PM 

this is cool. **** the yawn guy. the good doctor inspired so many people to write. keep ****ing writing!

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Re: re: this time he surprised me

March 20 2005, 2:51 AM 

I agree with BobsBigBoy. Don't take any guff from that swine. I bet Hunter's reading this stuff now, whilst suckin on a spine. Long live gonzo freaks!

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HST In Memorium courtesy x-ray book co.