BFN---please help talk me off the ledge... (posted thsi on pink board also)

Dear all,

DH and I have a 3 yr old DS. I am 49, Dh is 42. We had 6 embies frozen from the cycle that produced DS, all blasts. In February, you may recall, I did an FET, of the four that were defrosted 3 made it, one was collapsing (no good); the other two were AB and BB quality with the AB a hatching blast. BFN. after much arguing and crying, finally persuaded DH to agree to one final transfer. Went for the two remaining embies, transfer was July 31st, both made the thaw, one was a 4AA and one was a 6AA...perfect. BFN.

We have now been through 6 IVF cycles, 2 with my own eggs, the third cycle was cancelled due to poor response by my first donor, and then the last three as described above, from a proven donor who got everybody pregnant, often with twins. My RE added lovenox this time around at my insistence as i tested mildly + for anticardiolipin antibodies, although a full thrombophilia profile turned up nothing of note.

I cannot believe that after all this time and $ we have only one child. And he is amazing and wonderful but I so wanted another, not because my DS isn't enough, but because he is so fabulous, I wanted one more like him. And I also wanted him to have a sibling.

Truly, I need to acknowledge that this is all we will have but I cannot come to grips with it. I am so sad and heartbroken. And in the back of my mind I am thinking how can I come up with more money to persuade DH to try again...but then I think, I can't go through picking another donor. And if that didn't work? I'd lose my mind.

Can you kind, wise women please help me work through my grief and reach a sensible place?

thank you, mar