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Thank you, Hope and Kacee!

February 5 2011 at 10:07 PM
bbg  (Login biogal)

Response to I also thought about not responding, because I am the same as you Hope.

I am so glad that you both responded! Just because you don't see things the way I do is no reason not to respond.

Hope, I also had a traumatic childhood (the real kind, not the kind that gets bandied about on Oprah by drama queens either). For most of my life I was an incredibly optimistic person, and also religious. I always saw every situation (no exaggeration) as one in which God had arranged for me to survive stronger than before.

But something happened to my spirit with this infertility. It really just destroyed the person that I used to be. Thanks for letting me vent about this -- probably the sort of thing I should take to a therapist (if only I could afford it). I am not the person I used to be even just 10 years ago and I'm sad about that.

Even though I have my boys and love them and am so grateful for them, I still have sadness and grief about a life that didn't go the way I expected. I have a friend who has been trying DE with GS for over a year and the surro can't get pregnant when she got pregnant easily before -- is it the eggs? is it the uterus? who knows? All I know is that I know not to take these boys for granted as they could just as easily not be here. However . . . this did not restore my prior personality. That girl is just gone, I fear.

I loved what you said about creating a loving home base so that the children can grow up strong and resilient, and the idea that the human spirit is made to survive and thrive. I think I have to work on restoring my faith in humanity.

This message has been edited by biogal on Feb 5, 2011 10:08 PM

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  1. were on my mind last night....m - Hope2009 on Feb 6, 2011, 4:44 PM
    1. Oh yes - BBG on Feb 6, 2011, 5:36 PM