Children after your grandchildren!?September 14 2011 at 11:53 PM
|Gini Holden (Login ginibaby11)|
Hello to all. I'm very new to this forum, I came across this site after doing some research on websites for midlife pregnancies. I hope that I'm in the right place with my situation.
I just found out that I am currently 7 weeks along with my sixth child. I am 56 and due early next may, if everything goes accordingly. I guess this is a little strange to me as I haven't been pregnant for about 14 years when I was 42, and I've become a grandparent within that time as well. My husband and I just celebrated our 15th anniversary this summer by taking a nice camping trip. We'd talked about having another child together in the last ten years and tried but didn't really press on with it. We do have a history of older women giving birth where we live.
We began trying again, but still hadn't had a sign of a baby. When this year came around, and I had turned 56 this past February, I decided I really wanted this. We paid a trip to our doctors and they told us that I'm perfectly capable of carrying a child again, and that my husband was also healthy. We altered our diets to foods the doctor suggested to help fertility and started trying for a child once more.
I guess the strange thing for me is that I have a 4 year old grandson, and a 1 year old granddaughter. I have four kids from my previous marriage, daughter 33, and sons, 30, 28 and 25. My husband has two sons from a previous marriage who are 18 and 19 and no grandkids yet. Then our 14 year old together. We have told all of our children and there are some mixed opinions from all: some excitement, some "weirdedoutness", but mainly regarding my health. I know I'm healthy enough for a baby, and I'm determined for a natural birth. (We'll see if I can do it).
But I too am clueless about how this works when you're juggling being a grandparent and a born again parent who is aging (My hair is almost all gray at the moment). How do you tell your grandkid that "grandma's having a baby"? What will it be like to have a grandkid and a child together in school? And my children will be so much older than the baby! I mean my daughter will be 34! I'm finding myself being self-conscious all of a sudden, and it's crazy because I want this baby. I guess I hadn't worried so much about these things before. I've been looking for others who can relate to being a pregnant grandma????? Or knows someone???? Thanks for reading.
|This message has been edited by ginibaby11 on Sep 14, 2011 11:58 PM|
|September 15 2011, 3:40 PM |
That's amazing, Gini. I hope your pg is happy, healthy, and easy.
I think that age spread will be fine, and your dc will be very fortunate to have so many young, healthy siblings around. My family is tiny, and I worry about who will be there for ds when he's in his 40s and later.
Last week I was asking a friend about her 4yo ds's relationship with his adult half-siblings. Men have been having 2nd (and 3rd) families since the dawn of time, you know, and before birth control, if a woman began having kids early, she could easily have a spread of at least 20 years between oldest and youngest. My ggm married in her mid 30s and had her last at 48, so there was at least 15 years difference between #1 and #9. I also have a good friend in Utah that I talk to easily 1-2x week. So many Mormons have large families, beginning early and just going until nature stops the baby-making process. I think the feelings you describe are natural, but it's completely cultural. I mean, look at Sarah and Elizabeth in the Bible, if you will. Both past menopause, according to the Bible. No word about any judgments or criticisms against them, just blessings.
I've been ttc, and had I been successful, my ds would be 10 years older than a sib. The things that have concerned me are things like the family being able to do stuff together (lots of things a baby can't do, so I wouldn't want my older ds to be held back or resentful), or feeling a little chronic pain and not being able to run around as much. Yes, I do worry a bit about being judged, but to me, the joy of another baby would so outweigh that.
Your 4yo dgs is not going to think a second thought. He doesn't have the preconceptions yet. He's going to grow up thinking this is normal, and so will his sister. My dh grew up with 3 aunts very close to his age, and they're really more like cousins.
|September 15 2011, 9:59 PM |
Thanks Kekona, for your comments and reassurance! I guess I've heard about families where there are wider age gaps, and it works out fine. But when it happens to you, you start questioning. There's a part of me that wishes I could have done this 10 years ago, but I'm grateful it happened at all. I think that I'm paying more attention to what I eat and how I do things more, and I've learned a lot about my body and this process age this age.
Thanks again, and I will keep you posted on the baby's progress.
I'm at work but re read your post... As I understood
|September 15 2011, 6:04 PM |
you changed your diet at 56 and got pregnant? Did I miss something?
|This message has been edited by musikpusik on Sep 15, 2011 6:04 PM|
Re: I'm at work but re read your post... As I understood
|September 15 2011, 9:45 PM |
Hi LizLa. Towards the beginning of the year, when I discussed my plans with my doctor, I was told that I needed to change my eating habits and boost my estrogen. I had a healthy weight before I became pregnant. A few years back I did a round of Follistim, but I experienced side effects and we decided against any drugs.
So this time we decided I needed foods, I don't normally eat. I'm not a fish person, or much of a dairy person. I was never lactose intolerant. I do drink milk on occasion, maybe with a bowl of cereal, and maybe ice-cream. I'm a meat-lover, and a carb lover. I do eat fruits and veggies, but looking at what I include in meals the most it was a lot of red meat, and rice, noodles etc...
I actually bought yogurt, and more cheese, and I drank milk more. They told me to make it low-fat dairy foods. Also, the fats in certain fish help to increase the blood flow to reproductive organs. Rarely, rarely do I eat fish, but herring and sardines, I've become huge fans of. More fiber is good, and Soya can be good, mainly if it's soya milk, which I had never tried before. So those are some of the things I did with my diet.
I still got periods prior to the baby, but was still irregular.And I also needed to understand my ovulation at my age, so I did ovulation tests, and a basal body temperature charting.
|Maggie in VA|
Amazing, indeed, and . . .
|September 16 2011, 10:57 AM |
If you conceived naturally at 55 or 56, you are edging into the upper limits of known natural conception ages. Most of us here used assisted reproductive technology to get pg at older ages. Honestly, a hundred years ago no one would have thought twice about having children when you have grandchildren. It's completely a cultural assumption made possible by birth control in the second half of the 20th century that we'll have a limited number of children and then stop and your kids will have grandkids. You sound magnificent! Don't let societal norms hold you down. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
Re: Amazing, indeed, and . . .
|September 18 2011, 1:39 AM |
Thank you so much maggie. And I do agree. I too don't get the "rules". That's why I'm happy to have found a site like this. However, between my husband and I, our children have ended up being supportive of the news. My 14 year old is waiting to be a big brother. My eldest (33 y.o. daughter) told me she finds nothing abnormal about having a younger sibling at her age, and that she wants to accompany her step-father in the delivery room with me, and I almost cried.
It's funny because she's told me in the past, that she doesn't want any more kids. (She's the one with the two children I mentioned in my first post). I keep telling her, she's still young and you never know. She had a couple tough labors I witnessed, and I think that's the reason. But for some reason I'm positive she'll end up surprised with at least one more. Look at her old momma!
I already know this may not be the easiest pregnancy, but I want to keep plugging along and be an inspiration.
|This message has been edited by ginibaby11 on Sep 18, 2011 1:44 AM|
|September 18 2011, 11:00 PM |
Am I correct in saying that you are pregnant at 56 naturally? You decided to get pregnant so you changed your diet and voila? Either I am insane for believing you , or you need to put down that crack pipe you have been smoking...If so you will be in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Sorry for being so harsh, but ladies on this board are trying desperately to have a child.
What is the intention here?
|September 19 2011, 6:54 AM |
I wonder what the purpose of this post from 'Annonymous' is? It seems to me that it can only be intended to upset.
On a factual level a pregnancy at this age wouldn't get into the Guiness Book of Records. Here in the UK a woman who had conceived naturally at 59 was in the news a couple of years ago. Her daughter was 10 years old by then as she hadn't wanted the case publicised at the time but it was all properly documented.
Pregnancy in the early 50s is unusual but does happen. Apparently women of this age are contributing to the increase in the numbers of women seeking terminations (along with teenagers). If you are still ovulating you can still become pregnant.
56 of course isn't early 50s but a colleague of mine tells me that where she comes from in the Carribean women in their late 50s or even early 60s become pregnant often enough for it not to raise eybrows (not every year of course, but now and again).
All this is peripheral to my main point, though. I feel the post from 'Annonymous' is unkind and not what we should hope for on this board. These feelings should be kept to oneself, not broadcast.
|September 19 2011, 9:58 AM |
I have never understood why people can't just be happy for other's good news. Why the need to just stomp any hopeful comments and posts ? I agree with you Emma.....disagree if you want, but keep the nasty comments to yourself anon.....
|September 19 2011, 10:53 AM |
I have no advice, as I just had my first at 55. All I can say is not to worry at all about what any other people think. If this is what you want, go for it. Please hang around here and let us know how you're doing. Where are you located?
FL Gal I had no idea you had your first at 55....YAY! But
|September 19 2011, 11:07 AM |
I have to say that my Dr didn't tell me to change diet at 48, did yours?
GL FL Gal on your transfer!
|September 19 2011, 1:38 PM |
But then the REs I've gone to primarily believe in drugs. For instance, mine said, emphatically, 'bs' to the castor oil thing. I'm sure diet could be helpful though, along with many other natural remedies.
|September 28 2011, 10:05 AM |