emotional abyss

"Are you in one of your moods, today, baby?"
"is this one of those days when you're in an emotional abyss?". "I don't understand these moods that you get into"

"Ann, they're my moods...you want to understand moods, have one of your own...I hate desperate people."

"sweetie, love of my life, you...hate...people."
The Fisher King

I feel your pain (forgive my pun). My dream is to move to Alaska and live my life alone...abandon society, because it smells of putrid decadence. I want to FLY, but I am doomed by my existence in this "real life". This real life is what I have struggled to escape since I could think like a competent human being.

"I don't belong here", has been my thought since I could ration.

As I hear my roommate fucking in the bedroom above me, my thoughts turn to my rejection of this life. My dream is that some spirit would come to me and offer me existence in a fantasy world. A world full of wizards and demons and things that you might find in fantasy novels. If I had a chance to, I would leave this world in a heartbeat...all the ones that love me...they would never know where I went...and I would not care.

The feeling of constantly being misunderstood curses me. My thoughts are sometimes twisted. My voiced opinions fall on dead ears.

This is why I have never tried mind altering drugs. I'm afraid I will escape into a world I will never want to leave. Thus, becoming a freak of nature.

Leave, and be free.

C