Forensics experts identify strands of "Monstroid" fur

The tufts of wispy, rust-colored hair were found lodged in the frame of beat ghoul's bedroom window. Scientists suspect beat ghoul has been visited by a Monstroidus Poligamus, a strange horror-loving beast creature that was previously thought only to exist deep within the forested regions of Transylvania and the alleys of Hollywood suburbs. Scientists are at a loss to explain the creature's apparent migration, but feel it's most plausible that the animal was brought into the country covertly by a collector of such things, and either escaped or was set loose. "We're not really sure what we're dealing with here, as we've never really had the chance to study these things up close," Richard Dreyfuss told CNN in a live on-air interview. "We don't know if beat ghoul's safety is threatened or not, so we're advising extra caution whenever he goes outdoors, until we trap and capture this thing and bring it into the lab for study. We know they love to watch horror movies, but you never can tell what these weirdass species are capable of. It absolutely was not a boating accident."
Wes Craven was unavailable for comment.