Okay, I begin this message with the hopes of not writing a novel-I'm usually unsuccessful with that-and River Phoenix and his life and untimely death is a subject that, for my own reasons, have spoken deeply to me.

I'm going to be very candid about my feelings about a very touchy subject. . .I will openly admit that I obsess over his death at times and wonder exactly what caused him to be such a vulnerable soul-River was deeply sensitive and impressionable. He was also genius, cynical, and breathtaking to behold. And yet as I try to find the adjectives that "define" River, I am reminded of how the plight of River Phoenix was escaping the labels that we are bound by. He wanted the freedom to explore himself through the meticulously crafted characters that he brought to life upon the screen, yet he shied away from the public accolades and hordes of admirers that his brillance produced. I suppose I view River as a parodoxial crux. What was he to do with the fame once he acquired it? I believe that, posessing a true artist soul and vision, River felt beleagered by the masses who all seemed to want stock in his success. . .he was simply a commodity. River held strong convictions, yet was devoured by external influence and pressures. What does this all yield?-a soul that was confused and became jaded-he was an incandescent, prolific light on-screen but struggled for control of how he was to be potrayed off-screen. What many failed to realize about River was that he was a spirit that revelled in the creative process-it may be fair to assume that River felt more comfortable inventing and honing his on-screen persona than he did in his own skin-I remember reading something that adds testament to this-River once said "I am a peon, I am a nobody". Initially, I was startled by this and the apparent lack of self esteem, in a conventional sense, baffles me. I can only speculate on Rivers' deplorable beginnings in this life, and the toll it took on him.

This is all I know-I miss him terribly. But more specifically, I miss his unparalelled passion and the way he used his abilties and passions to make the world more aware of the scope of the human condition-he had a social consciousness that was eerily precocious, yet his most grave shortcoming was that with all his insight into the world around him, he didn't have the where-with-all to realize that he was killing himself. He was trying to drown out the sorrow of an afflicted soul, and he ended up drowning his unbelievable talent along with it. And I'm crying now writing this, but what a waste. What a freakin waste of such a uniquely beautiful man. I truly hope that he is finally at peace with himself. For while many mourn his loss, we can't begin to imagine the extent of anothers' pain-sometimes too unbearable for words.

thank you for that post, I liked it alot...
so many people come here wineing on about River being all powerful, with an all-consuming child-like vulnerability and naive to an excrutiating level- unable to think for himself almost (the bad people lead him astray, oh, the bad people!) and although you obviously have mentioned your opinion on him being this vulnerable creature, influenced greatly by outside opinions you've done it in a way that isnt (thank god!)in the 'fangirl' style we have become some-what accustomed too here!

I agree with what you said on the most part..although i believe that River did not have the LEVEL of vulnerbility and that has been attached to him, naive? hmm..yes, maybe, but i believe he knew how to take care of himself- he had just been through and seen too much in his short life to be completely influenced by the likes of peer presure- more so than anyone else i mean..which has been written about so often.
I think if River has left us a legacy..it would be a message- you are only one person, try to help others as much as you can, but dont make it the be all and end all of your life, if the presure of others needs begins to drag you down- get the hell out...recoup..and if your strong enough to handle it, then and only then, go back for more.
Sadly, other people's mistakes are left as examples to others..

I left a response yesterday but it disappeared:)

I think even though i'm a fan of Riv, that he was just a normal person who died of drugs (of course he was a wonderful person too).

So many kids, 23 year olds die every day from drugs and car accidents etc, and i hope that you can also see past them and see that they must have been also great people. Imagine a 23 year old man who also died of an overdose, he was a great artist and loved music- playing guitar, but was poor or something, he turned down the drug path and died like River. Would you have the same feelings towards him, or anyone else who went down the same drug path? I hope so.

My auntie did. and she never died. she has three children and is coping in life. I think she is a great, brave person who i love sooo much.

Man,
can the posts get any better, people? Hitting the head of the nail with the hammer in writing one's ideas, thoughts, and feelings have never been better.
Though perhaps some posts in the past missed the hammer completely y'all are sharp right now.

I absolutly believe there is tons of talent out there; more now then ever before. But when it comes to talent there are just so many at the top with the rest of the artistic people scrambling around midway, half way, and at the bottom.

We absolutly should appreciate young people's talent as well as other people in our lives. Those who deserve love, and appreciation for just being who they are.

Having read a number of books on entertainers, and actors, musicians, and such. The money people just love them. Just love them until they are not producing for them more money. Its tough. It takes courage to get in front of other's, and put it all out there. With all the gifts, and hard work one has, and to be observed by the multitudes.

Bye (especially to you rikki)

I wanted to say a general "thank you" to the people who responded. I liked the feedback and it is interesting to see what very different ideas that the post provoked. In response to Rivers'"vulnerability" or maybe "sensitivity", this is my own perception of him I would say, just based on various accounts of his personality. I had heard the famous "ran out of the restaurant, crying, because girlfriend was eating seafood" story-whether that was true or false, I'll never know but the statements and the observations that he has made were that of someone who is quite sensitive, but also quite intelligent.

And in response to another message, I would have compassion for any soul who is troubled and ended up turning to drugs to meet the same end as River. We all know the difference here, just to name one, is the fact that he was a public figure. Now I'm not saying that I'm deifying River-but again-his body of work underscores the type of individual that we lost,here. For example, I can watch "Dogfight" endlessly because I never tire of witnessing the mastery he had of his character-especially the scene of him walking the streets after returning from Vietnam with VAn Morrison playing in the background-I thought that was a remarkable scene.

In the end, for me, it all boils down to the passion and level of artistry that he consistently displayed. I admire people who take a stand, people who are able to capture and convey a feeling or idea through an artistic medium. Life certainly is a journey, and I feel River may have been a nomad during his last days. . searching-for meaning-which, if I'm being honest with myself, seems terribly elusive at times. If you are looking for the truth or what is "real" so ardently, you can be doomed. I fall prey to that myself-torturing with questions that can't be answered-I think River did a lot of that. The closest you can be to an essence of truth is through creation-that is why River lived and breathed his music in his final days. So anyone is free to judge someone else, really, I suppose we shouldn't. I don't think River was "selfish", I think River was sad. Sadness is not quantifiable-it's too bad that sadness can be a stigma.

"In the end, for me, it all boils down to the passion and level of artistry that he consistently displayed. I admire people who take a stand, people who are able to capture and convey a feeling or idea through an artistic medium. Life certainly is a journey, and I feel River may have been a nomad during his last days. . searching-for meaning-which, if I'm being honest with myself, seems terribly elusive at times. If you are looking for the truth or what is "real" so ardently, you can be doomed. I fall prey to that myself-torturing with questions that can't be answered-I think River did a lot of that. The closest you can be to an essence of truth is through creation-that is why River lived and breathed his music in his final days. So anyone is free to judge someone else, really, I suppose we shouldn't. I don't think River was "selfish", I think River was sad. Sadness is not quantifiable-it's too bad that sadness can be a stigma."

I like this alot...i agree completely.

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who seems to be eternally fascinated with River-I think at some junctures my family gets a little tired of me trying to explain my feelings-on here, I feel welcome to vent my silly feelings!

they are not 'silly feelings' riobelle...
I think River is one of the most complex public figures the world has ever seen, it would take an eternity to analyze him and even then i dont think anyone could come close to the enigma that was river phoenix....he knew too much, he had this...wisdom..that just oozed- not even something that was acquired through expierience, almost like he was just born with it. Some people just have a certain 'quality', a familier mystery that forever surrounds them and those people almost always die young- its like those are the ones whose fates are truly seeled from the moment they are born, they are ment just to exist, leave something behind for people to connect with always and then quietly go. those, i suppose, are my 'silly feelings'

p.s hi MOF how are you? x

At least you can talk about him. My family (my parents) don't care, though they don't dislike him coz of the drug taking, they just know he's no longer alive so they don't really talk about it.

BTW i'm 21 and don't know of him when he was alive, my parents do, i don't know how old you guys are (prob between 20 and 35?). I remember watching Indiana when i was young and dad talking about him and saying he died coz of drugs and coz of pressure. But dad was about 33 then. They're 10 years older than Riv.

quite the same for me liz...
im 23, i bored my parents and sister...and friends stupid for about 2 years when i was 14/15 talking bout him, his passions, his movies non-stop! so...they roll thier eyes and make 'here we go' noises whenever a mention his name these days (which isnt often at all now with them!)
thank god i found places like this or id probably go a bit mad with wanting to talk about him when people think im crazy for doing so
I got into him 3 years after he died and my folks had never heard of him, except my dad saying "thats that guy from 'stand by me' i LOVE that film!"
they know everything about him now thanks to my droaning on
i even made my mum read his biog when i was 15...she felt sorry for him, but no impact was had
they thought i was going a bit loopy back then for being so taken by "a dead guy" - they even relayed my whole 'obsession' as they called it(it REALLY wasnt that bad!), to my current boyfriend so i cant even say 'hey watch this movie, its good!' he just says 'oh no its got the phoenix guy in it!'
so i just dont talk bout him now....

Rikki-
Thanks again for your kind words! And this time it is I who really like what you wrote about River. He definetly seemed as if he was enshrouded in mystery-and no one could ever solve it-maybe it was best unsolved? And also about your sentiment about leaving something behind for people to connect with always and quietly going-that was very nice. I think that you understand Riv-or at least as much as one can understand Rio!

And as far as my age-I suppose am the big sister here! I'm 29! See, I do remember Stand by Me-and being blown away by both River and Wil Wheaton actually. It's a great film! Because of the type of roles Riv selected, I didn't always see him in the "BlockBuster" flicks, because he just wasn't in them! He chose the unconventional roles-and good for him! I've never really seen any of Rivers' films while he was alive-except,ob, Stand By Me. Saw Own Private Idaho, Thing Called Love, Dogfight, Sneakers. . I will see "A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon" because I will own it soon.

I have a couple of crazy q's-what single thing about River intrigues you the most and you don't have to answer this one but, I'm just curious where we all live-I'm New England! And I've got to go quickly now. .
Peace

Well I started liking Leo D at 13, and so your Rio story is much like mine. . . I'm 21 and now still say i like Leo but its not so much an obsession like it was and now my parents just don't say anything, just expect it. Its been 9 years now. . .

I liked Riv at a younger age but wasn't that into him until 3 years ago, when i watched his movies. But i've always known about him!

Riobelle

I guess its the way he talks and acts (not acting but 'acts').

I'm in Australia, so good to hear someone who "knew" Riv when he was acting and saw his movies when they came out.

I just got Jimmy Reardon, exrental for $2! Bargain! And i wasn't even looking for it!

I love RUNNING ON EMPTY. i LOVE THAT FILM so real and sad and love the song at the end. . .

Liz-
Australia! Wow!I knew there was a reason I asked that question-you live on another continent! Shall I say, "G'day-mate!" Probably native Australians hate that when people try to imitate the accent! Thanks for taking the time to respond back. Hey, and congrats for finding the Jimmy Reardon flick for so little, I haven't even seen that one!

Running on Empty is a great movie! Not my favorite but it has definite entertainment value. I believe the song at the end is actually "Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne-it's always been one of my faves!

I must broach something that has been on my mind-and maybe it's not something that is even worth mentioning because my appreciation for Riv is unconditional-I heard something about how gay, bisexual, and lesbian people have, well, their own appreciation of River for their own reasons. HIs sexuality while he was alive was his business but I am just curious, I suppose-can anything be substantiated? I thought he was engaged to Samantha Mathis-perhaps it was yet another factor that contributed to his confusion. I'm not as informed as I want to be, and it bothers me.

My favorite thing about River externally is his face-all of it-he had a magnificent face. Very expressive, intense eyes-sort of a penetrating gaze-the eyebrows, WOW!-On some people eyebrows might be of no consequence to their looks but he used all of his beautiful assests to be bewitchingly expressive and convincing. And I won't even begin about his mouth or his hair! He also had the best instincts of any actor I have ever seen on screen-ever. His intensity-for everything that he was passionate about-very appealing. The number one most attractive thing about River, to me, was his love of music-specifically rock music. Music was designed to bring about a better understanding of ourselves, other people and the world we live in. IF one individual finds a way to fuse lyric, melody, rhyme and feeling-it can be revolutionary. I think River embodied revolution-or a revolution that he wished to spur on with all his soul. Trying to feel and convey thought and emotion-almost desperately, it seemed. I hope that he knows that just from hearing his song "Lone Star State of Mine" on THing Called Love that he succeeded in achieving in one piece of music what most dream of-that song connected with me. I just really hope he knew that.

I haven't seen 'a thing called love' or 'i love you to death', they are hard to find!

Well I think Australians live JUST like Americans, Canadians and Europeans. Probably more-so like the first two. Our accents aren't as strong as the late Steve Erwin, or Croc Dundee. They are more like Nicole Kidman, without the American slant (coz she's been there for a while now).

We wear school uniform to primary (elementary) and high (secondary) school. We finish high school at grade 10 (at 15/16) then go on to college (which is post-secondary school) for two years grades 11 and 12, then University (what you also call College) if we want to.

School hours are 8.30 am to 3pm, more at college and Uni though. Work hours are normally 9am to 5pm (adults).

I'm interested in how the US, Canada and England do this (so write it all in!)

I'm not sure of River's sexuality, but I think he didn't have a bad rep about gay or straight, i think he was straight but maybe gay also (i know somepeople are mostly straight but sometimes like the same sex). That'd be Bi then.

I like the way he talks and how he talks, i think its different! The way he makes some words sound, with a gentle voice!

And also yes he has a distinguished face - high cheek bones and peaked eyebrows almost like he 'tweazered' them that way!

I just had to add something to this topic that I started awhile ago, something that overwhelmingly reminded me of River. I had the pleasure of watching the 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees perform on VH1 this weekend. All I can say is, wow! I'm not sure how River was connected to Michael Stipe of REM(they dedicated an album to him, correct?)but Eddie Vedder said some very kind words about them, and then joined them to sing "Man on the Moon". I must say, I may have been slightly intoxicated:), but that performance was chilling and reduced me to tears-one of the main reasons being that I felt as though something in the spirit of that song that particular night was magical and extraordinary. I felt as though the ghost of River was so very close. He would have loved that, I believe. Since so many artists paid tribute to Rivers' life in their music, his spirit is immortalized through the music of others who choose to use their gifts to celebrate the complex experience of existence. just had to share that. . .take care all.