This would be a conversation I would have WITH my child and a decision I would make WITH my child. Yes, there will be emotional ramifications either way, yes there will be academic ramifications either way...but sitting with him and actually listening to his frustrations right now would be the best place to start (IMHO). You may be surprised.
I know you indicated he had trouble understanding the concept you were trying to teach. Maybe though it was not the concept he had trouble with, but the context. Again, this goes back to boundary setting...yikes that is a big one!
As for the decision - have you given consideration to these things-
Will he have the same teacher? Will this be a bonus or not - has she built up some sort of expectation that he won't be able to break out of no matter how hard he tries? Will this give him a stable environment that he needs to gain footing? Depends on the teacher.
Will being held back give the bullies in his class more reason to taunt him at school in the play yard?
Will being held back give him a new opportunity to make a first impression with students who don't know his history?
Will being held back make him feel like a failure instead of feeling like the environment failed him?
Are you able and interested in homeschooling him for a year to get him into a better place emotionally and academically?
Does he interact socially with a wide variety of ages and temperaments outside of school so he gets a chance to practice his skills?
Is there a subject of interest to him that you could build a curriculum around to extend his learning? Some kids really LOVE dinosaurs and there are a miriad of ways to use the subject to teach math, conceptualization, reading, history, writing outside of the school way of doing things.
There are benefits to keeping him in the class and demanding that the school supplement or that you supplement - and they SHOULD take into consideration that his frustration level is increased because he lost those first years. If he already feeling as if he is failing because he can't emotionally keep up, this may reinforce his belief that he can't get along at all. You must address this from his emotional reaction rather than the academics or even the schools wishes. Maybe the solution will be to devise an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) with the Resource Director at the school so that he can advance with his grade but he is given the correct level of instruction.
There are benefits to placing him in another class level regardless of the academics. The newness of the situation with his peers, the idea that his he the OLDEST in the class may enhance his feeling of self worth, the relief that he is only expected to perform at HIS best and not at some predetermined expectation. The chance to build on what he is doing now.
There are benefits to a different learning setting altogether - homeschooling or another school. I could go into a dissertation for these two choices, but I don't want to foist that on you unless you are interested.
I am sure this was WAY more than you wanted, but once I get started I can't stop - boundaries you know! LOL!
K.
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