I fucked things up beyond fucked up
I am the very thing I hated all my life
All I wanted was a little bit of love
But too much bullshit, too much strife
All of it, damaging my brain
I'm insane, fried by the pain
And to see you leave me
To hear you fear me
To know that you hate me
All I can say...
Is that I'm sorry....
I would write it to you
Until my hands fell off
I would say it to you
Until I had no voice left
I would show it to you
Until I died
So yes indeed, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I gave you hell
For wanting that which you deserved
I'm sorry I couldn't tell
That you were going berserk
I'm sorry I couldn't see
That you truly loved me
I'm sorry I fucked it all up
For you, and for me
I'm sorry I made you cry
To where you wanted to die
I'm no longer the angel
That brought you from Hell
And gave you a little slice of Heaven
I'm just a fallen freak
A misery bringing freak, named Kevin
I didn't mean to drag you to Hell
I didn't want to put you there
Yet I did and for that
I must die....
Will I? No. I'm afraid to die.
I have a strange hope
A hope you'll forgive me
of my sins and my wrongs
A hope that you still love me
Yet I know you probably don't.
I sit here, shedding tears
Because I know that I've lost you
And I am to blame
Because I fucked it all up
For you and I...
And for that...
I feel, I must die....
I still love you, never will I hate you
Words in anger are never meant, my love
You know that as well as I
But unfortunately
You won't hear me this time
You won't have to see me
So you don't have to see me cry
Therefore, you won't see me...
When I die....
I love you, but you make it hard
Hard to please you
Hard to appease you
Hard to make you happy
I busted my ass
To put a smile on your face
But now even that's gone to waste
Because I only made you cry
So I will live with that torment
Over the choice to die....
I need your help
Your guiding hand
I need your love
The warmth of your hand
I need your comfort
For I am hurt
I am dying
Forever crying...
You made me a god
You made me confident
Now you're gone
And I'm nothing...
You gave me power
You gave me help
But now I am powerless
And alone...
And the lonliness is killing me
One day I will take a bullet for you
And die in your arms
To prove to you that I do love you
For I am not complete without you
My life and being, dedicated to you
God put us together
I tried to keep us together
We lasted so long
Yet now we struggle
We must not crumble...
Please don't let it be this way....
Let's start over
If all but to try again
This time we know
The do's and dont's to each other
You kept me safe
You kept me calm
You kept me warm
You kept me happy
I overlooked your mistakes
I felt horrible when I yelled
And you know I want to make amends
Please...just one more chance
And if I fuck up this time, I'll end it
So you don't have to put up with me
And just remember...
That despite anything I say....
No matter what I do....
Goddammit, I love you.........
-sighs and knows this is pointless, wonders why he even posted it 'cause the one he wants to read it won't do it-
Kevin