| Original Message |
George (no login)
Posted Dec 30, 2002 1:40 PM
I remember back in the day
When I would lie to the mirror and say
"I'm okay, I really couldn't be better"
When the reality of it was I was a fucking leper
Rotting on the inside because I gave
My soul to somebody who I could never save
I wanted to be with you, don't you see?
It was my dream - the one you filled my head with!
It turned into screams - a nightmare I'll never forget
I used to know who I was, before I met you
Now I'm a shell, just like you, and nothing I do
Can bring me out of this hell, and something
Has to fucking give - I'll break through if I have to
And yet... I don't just blame you
It was my fault, I was a psychological prostitute
I sold you my soul in return for lies
And it almost lead me to my fucking demise
But I was innocent, all I wanted to do
Was fucking love you, you bitch
Don't you understand what the fuck you did to me?
Don't you ever believe that I didn't fucking see
That you were lost, before I even met you
And fuck yeah I fucking regret you
There's nothing left for me to say, I can't berate you
I'm too drained of everything to even fucking hate you
I'm to the point where I don't fucking care at all anymore
You're full of shit, Kiersten, you know you're just a whore
This is the end, and I'm turning my back
On everything you showed me, I don't want any of that
You fucking try to change me I will fucking change you
That's always been my way and nobody's ever been on my level
If I have to hate you then I'll hate you like a fucking devil
I remember a year ago, I thought I was going to die
I'll admit it, now, it was all in my mind
I wanted to be killed, because I fucking hated my life
So I fantasized about being murdered by a friend
At least then I would never have to feel anything again
I made up a fantasy world of treachory and hate
It was my way to pretend that everything would be okay
I never imagined that it never had to fucking be this way
I just fashioned myself an immitation martyr and pretended to pray
That year was the worst in my fucking life, but defined me more
Than any of the whores I've ever been with, in a way
I learned how to become cold - how to revel in my hate
I convinced myself that I was marked for death so nothing mattered
I wanted to punch this fucking TV screen world until it shattered
Being in love is like a game of emotional Russian roulette
It feels great until the fucking gun actually goes off
And I'm sent spiraling down like my fucking head was blown off
Cursing at the treachory of a whore while my face hits the floor
While all the time I let her in, so I pulled the trigger myself
I just hate the fucking feeling more than I hate anything else
It's like a fucking conscience just means she has to justify it to herself
It's like integrity is based upon others never finding out
And it's like excuses are like blindfolds - so you all dont have to see
I fucking hate this world, it fucking enrages me
Fuck society and fuck humanity
I fucking love hope, it's like an addiction I don't want to lose
But when it turns out to be false it turns into a noose
And chokes me until I can't take it anymore
Then the rope gets cut and I'm back on the floor
Punching the ground while I scream about some whore
It's a pathetic existance and I know it
But if you have a solution, don't tell me, fucking show it
This is the end for me, I'm not taking another step
I'll be happy if it fucking kills me, oh yes
I am a damn fanatic, and I love it
If I really am doomed then fuck it
I'll find out, sooner or later, in the end
So until then, I'll never conform to dispair
Even if it means people look at me like I'm not all there
Even if it means people will turn their backs until I'm the only one here!
I'm just trying to be myself, and enjoy life before it ends
But uncertainty is digging a needle into me
I'm a nervous wreck, living one day and time
If I go too far ahead I'll miss a sign
And fall back into the fucking Abyss
I just wish that life wasn't fucking life this
One more thing though, Kiersten, your bullet fucking missed
George '02 |
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