Disclaimer: If I owned GH, we would be getting more 3M, but I don’t, so don’t sue!
Summary:Maxie Jones had everything she dreamed of, a husband who adored her and a beautiful baby girl.Yet no matter how hard she tried she could never forget the man she left behind.What happens when Maxie promises one man a future and another man her heart?
***Note:This story will be told in AU or AR (Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality). And you Days fans may recognize that handsome face on the banner, but his name won't be Shawn Brady... I just thought he would look mighty nice in this fic as another character. Let's put it this way, what if Jason Cook came on GH... ***
Prologue
I stood there watching all of our friends and family singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to my little girl.It was her first birthday and as I looked around mouthing the words to the song I couldn’t help to realize that this past year had been wonderful in so many ways and heartbreaking in others.
I felt my husband brush past me to help our daughter blow out the single candle on her birthday cake.To most people the first year of marriage was supposed to be full of passion and spontaneity, you were considered newlyweds.Yet as my husband brushed past me, all I felt was cold.
I watched him blow out the candle with our daughter as I smiled at our little angel we had created.Sure, I loved my husband, who wouldn’t love him; I couldn’t help but love him. Yet there was no spark between us, not anymore, or for that matter not sure there ever was one.
Wait, yes there was.At the beginning of our relationship it was fun, exciting, and full of romance.And yes, there was a lot of sex also.Now things were different.Sure, now we were married and we had our daughter to consider.There were times for us though we could always make time if we needed too.But he was either too tired or too busy to even consider my needs, wants, or desires.
I promised to love him forever.I promised to be by his side till death do us part in sickness and health for richer and poorer.But yet something inside of me wondered every night whether this would be forever.Could I keep my promise?
A few minutes had past since the singing.My husband, the wonderful man that he was, began serving the birthday cake to everyone as I scooped ice cream. I wasn’t paying attention to who I was serving until our hands touched for a brief second.I looked up to see who had just sent shivers up my spine, yet I knew who it was.Only one person could make me feel this way and it definitely wasn’t my husband.
I looked up into his deep chocolate eyes smiling.I knew this man for years and every time we touched I felt something erupt inside of me.At night I dreamed of this man, of a man that wasn’t my husband.I dreamed of doing things to him that I couldn’t fathom doing with my husband.I dreamed of this other man every night and woke up next to a man I promised forever too.What am I supposed to do?
I put my darling angel down in her crib soon after the last guest leaves.She can be handful at times like any baby, yet mostly she’s a good one.The most precious thing in my life is my precious little girl especially when she giggles.It’s the sweetest sound in the world; to hear your child laugh.
Now after everything that happened today, my little girl was exhausted sort of like I am right now.But I stand there watching over for a just a minute more.No matter what happens between her father and me, I will always have her.
I walk downstairs to finish cleaning up from the party and I find that nothing was even done yet.Like my typical husband, he is found in the den working.Not that I don’t appreciate my husband for all of his hard work.It’s not like he had to pay for this house we live in, no, it belongs to my step-father, Mac, who had decided that this place was just too big for one lonely guy.After our mother disappeared so many years ago, Mac, stayed in this house that belonged to her.He knew like the rest of us that she was coming back anytime soon.
For a wedding present Mac gave me this house to live in and worked out great since at the time I was four months pregnant and the small one bedroom apartment Cooper and I were living in wasn’t big enough.
I stand in the doorway of the den looking in watching Coop reading one of his textbooks.Working full time at the hotel as a security guard then going back to school at night, I rarely see him.When he decides to make an appearance around the house it’s usually just for a moment or two.
Today though was a different story.He couldn’t miss his daughter’s birthday party, and I made sure of that.Half the time I think I have two kids, a one year old and a twenty-two year old.I mean why should I complain?I make sure everything is done around the house, I take care of our daughter, heck I even work part-time at the hotel as a receptionist.
He makes sure our daughter and I have nice things.Coop even plays with Janey every chance he gets.
“What’s up,” he says looking up at me.“Do you need help cleaning?”
“No, I think I can handle it,” I reply knowing full well that I shouldn’t have to ask.
I turn to walk away.
“It was nice of Alec and Drew to come by,” Coop says making me stop dead in my tracks.“How did they know it was Janey’s birthday?”
“I invited them,” I reply before walking away.
“Why,” Coop yells and I pretend I didn’t hear him.
When it comes to Alec Mason and his ten year old son, Drew, Coop becomes furious.Yet I told Coop time and time again I wasn’t going to let go of a friendship that I have had since I was twelve years old.Alec had been there for me for years, through tough times and the good times.Now I was married I wasn’t going to give that up for anyone even my husband.
An hour later I wiped dry the last dish.Everything was back to its normal place except for one thing.I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen leaving Coop a note.
As I stepped outside I could see the sun began to go down.The blue sky was now full of colors, different shades of purple, pink and blues.The day would be over soon and I knew before I lost the courage I would have to do this.
Within minutes I stand at his front door.I know this is wrong in so many levels.It doesn’t help that we only live two blocks away from one another and have for years.
“Hi,” he says opening the oak door he had installed himself after his wife had left him for another man just a year after their son was born.
Alec looks outside from left to right then looks back up at me.Before I know what is happening, he pulls me inside by my waist and shuts the door.I fall against the door as it closes and suddenly his lips are upon mine.
Immediately I realize this is so wrong in so many levels yet it feels so right.I made promises to my husband a little over a year ago to be faithful to him till death do us part.What Coop didn’t realize though is I made a promise to myself to never let Alec go.Promises are always what it comes down too.
It’s been two days since Janey’s birthday party.Coop has been most distant than usual.It could be his work or even school.I know finals are coming up soon which always puts him in a bad mood.
On this beautiful spring day I decide a walk is in order for my daughter and me.As usual somehow I end up walking by Alec’s house even though I know he isn’t home.As many times I had been to his house over the years I had never made it to the second floor.It’s where I should have ended up every time I showed up there the past two months, but we never make it that far.
Why? Well I could say it’s me realizing that what I am doing is so wrong, but I know it’s always him.He stops us from going to far.So many times Alec has questioned why I show up at his doorstep a couple of times a week.Do I know? Or am I just fooling myself?
Is the kissing enough? Will we cross the line one of these times and I never regret a moment of it?I don’t know what it is when I am near him.
“Mama,” Janey says breaking me away from staring up at Alec’s house.I begin to push the stroller along trying to forget about Alec for the moment and concentrate on my daughter.
At times I wish Janey belonged to Alec.I can remember the look on his face when I appeared at his door about two years ago and told him I was getting married.His mouth had dropped but he still congratulated me.I wasn’t surprised because no matter what happened or what didn’t happen he was still a gentlemen.
I knew though that no matter how hard I pushed or wanted it to happen, Alec wouldn’t stop me from marrying Cooper.Alec had his own life, he had his son to think about and his son was still plotting to get parents back together one day.Sure Drew liked me; he was a good kid that way.It helped that Drew’s best friend was my cousin, BJ’s, oldest son.
Barbara Jean or BJ as she is known is four years older than me.She had lived three houses down from Alec growing up.That’s how all of us had met years ago.My sister, Georgie, and I would spend summers at my Uncle Tony and Aunt Bobbie’s house.During the summers we would all play together with Lucas, BJ’s younger brother, who was closer in age to Georgie and me.
So through the years BJ and Alec were really close even dated at one point in high school. BJ and Alec were older than us, the kids we sort of looked up too.Alec was also on the football team, and BJ was a cheerleader.During the games Georgie, Lucas, and I would sit in the stands cheering Alec on.
What no one knew though was I had a massive crush on Alec.When you are twelve and you are hanging around a boy who is fifteen who is starting to look more like a man everyday, you begin to feel things.
No one knew of this crush not even Georgie until years later.They knew the moment I asked Alec out on a date three years ago.It had gotten around really quick since we all kept in touch, and most of our kids played with one another.
Alec was still dealing with his ex-wife’s betrayal.I had hoped that one day he would remarry and have more kids, but through the grapevine also known as BJ, I found out he never planned on remarrying or having any more kids.
For that matter I knew if anything was to happen between us, it would never get to serious.Would I be able to promise him forever when he couldn’t do the same thing?
Now as I strolled up the driveway of the house I had lived in almost all of my life, I noticed Cooper’s car.He was home early today by about three hours.
Walking in the front door I came upon something I didn’t think I would ever see.He had promised me he would never leave me no matter what; now I looked down to see his suitcase against the closet in the foyer.
“Hi, honey,” he says walking past his daughter and I.
“What’s the suitcase for,” I ask trying not to show any emotion on my face.
“Oh, Max is sending me to some seminar in New York City for a couple of days.It’s sort of last minute.It starts in the morning, so I figured I would leave today, so I’m not so rushed tonight.”
“Oh,” I sigh.“Be careful.”
“Take care of mommy for me,” Cooper says leaning down to Janey’s eye level.“I love you and mommy very much.”
He kisses her on her forehead then reaches over to kiss me goodbye.I pull him in for a deeper kiss as I push the stroller out of my way.Am I trying to make up for what I have been doing to him or is it the fact I just miss the taste of his lips?Whatever it is, it doesn’t last long as he breaks the kiss and walks out the door.
“I guess it’s just you and me tonight, pumpkin,” I tell Janey.
Six hours later I sit on the couch trying to find something interesting on the television to watch.Janey is asleep and has been for the past two hours.Janey and I are used to getting ready for bed on our own and have been for months now.It had been a ritual of ours to give her a bath around six then have her sit on my lap on the couch to watch the news.Within thirty minutes she would be ready to fall to a deep sleep in her crib.
The doorbell rings bringing me back to the present moment.I open the door to see Alec standing before me.
“What are you doing here,” I ask him standing in the middle of the doorway blocking him from coming in any further.
Through all of our moments of impropriety it has never happened at my place of residence.Well it hasn’t happened here since I became a married woman.I couldn’t risk it, even though he had been here time and time again since Cooper came into my life.We had never been here alone together since the birth of my daughter or mostly since we started this thing of ours.
“I got a call from Lucas that Cooper left town for a couple of days,” Alec states putting his hand on the doorframe.“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“It’s not what you think,” I reply letting him inside against my better judgment.
“What do you mean?”
“He had to go to New York for a seminar.He’ll be gone a couple of days,” I explain looking outside before shutting the door and there is where I see Alec’s white Ford Explorer in my driveway.“Are you kidding me?”
“What,” he questions turning around to look at me.
“You drove here,” I ask shutting the door.“Do you realize who could be watching?I mean if Lucas called you that mean everyone on this block knows Cooper is gone.The first thing you do is drive here.Do you know what people will think?”
“Maxie, I never wanted to be the other man.You came to me, remember?Do you remember driving to my house in the middle of the night six months ago when your mother called saying she wasn’t coming back? Do you remember the nights you would call when your husband was at school asking me how my day was or how my son was? You made this happen.I didn’t want to be the other man; I don’t want to be the other man.”
Suddenly the phone rings stopping Alec from going any further.I stand there letting it ring and ring until I hear my husband’s voice on the answering machine.I look up at Alec then back at the answering machine.I love my husband, he loves me.Cooper gives me something I never thought I would have especially after my mom left.He gives me stability.He gives me and shows me love; he made me a wife and a mother.Two things I never thought I would be.
Now I am risking losing that all for something I should have given up long ago.Alec was a crush, an unreachable object that I could finally reach for, but promises I made to my husband and daughter make it even harder to choose.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble as the tears begin to fall.“I didn’t mean for this to happen.It shouldn’t have ever happened.”
I walk into the living room sitting on the couch soon I’m leaning over with my face in my hands crying a river.When I said my vows to Cooper almost fourteen months ago, I didn’t know this was going to happen.Alec was standing just a few feet away from us when I promised forever to Cooper.
“But it did,” Alec says sitting next to me.He wipes a strand of my blond hair behind my ear.“I remember what it felt like when I found out Lindsey was cheating on me.I felt like my world was going to collapse.I told myself I would never be the other man.Now look at us.”
“It’s different though,” I remind him putting my hand on his thigh.
We never ended things between us in the first place.One moment I was crazy for this man and the next I had met Cooper.Once Cooper came into the picture things moved so quickly.Within a month of us meeting, Cooper was living in my apartment with me, then two months after that we were engaged.It was only a few months later that I found out I was pregnant with Janey.I never had a chance to stop and breathe or realize what I was doing.
Being raised by Mac was something I would always cherish.He was only our step-father, but for every moment he acted like our father.It wasn’t only my sister and I he raised.No, he had to also raise his niece, Robin, when her parents died when she was a young teenager.One man who came to town to see his brother ended up raising three girls who weren’t really his.Mac did the best job he could under the circumstances.Having to raise Robin through some terrible times was hard enough on him, then when I was thirteen years old, my mother decided she had enough of the stable family life and left to parts unknown.
Sometimes I think she ran off to find my father.Other times I think she just ran off to be by herself.Funny thing was until last year she had never divorced Mac like she would come back one day and everything would be fine.
I begin to wonder if I’m just like her.If I was stop this thing with Alec right now would things go back to normal.Could I let this go on forever?
“Maxie, talk to me,” Alec says as his hand begins to run up and down my spine.
Just his touch makes me feel desired, worthy, and loved even more than I thought possible.Loved.Never once did he ever say he loved me and I never bought it up.Maybe we just have this animal attraction thing.Who really knows with us?
“I am so tired of this game,” I whisper still feeling his hand rub up and down my back.
I look over at him to see his eyes turn a shade of deep brown that I know of so much.The first time we were like this on this couch just three months before I met Cooper, I saw this shade of brown almost black.It’s what happens when he’s turned on.
I feel myself fall deeper and deeper into him as my hand begins to make its way up his thigh.Why does something so wrong feel so right?
“I can’t promise you tomorrow,” I tell him before our lips meet.
Next thing I know I fall onto the couch and he is on top of me.I can feel his hand under my shirt cupping my breast.I ache for him right now more than I have ached for anything.I begin to pull his shirt out of his jeans knowing full well what I am doing.
“I ache for you,” I purr in his ear.
He sits up for a moment to take his shirt off.Alec looks even better than the last time I had seen him without a shirt.It was on this couch doing what we were doing right now.
I put my hands on his chiseled chest taking in everything.I put one hand behind his neck and bring him back down to me.I inhale his scent, a mixture of sweat and his cologne and I can feel him begin to undo the buttons of my shirt.I feel so many things and I can’t think of anything but this moment.
I reach down to unbuckle his jeans.I can feel how aroused he is like I can feel what this is doing to me inside.His mouth moves from my neck to my breast as he bites my nipple through my white satin bra.He stops for a minute and brings his lips back to mine as our tongues begin a dance.The dance lasts forever as I can feel myself losing control over every last inch of my body.
“Oh god,” I mumble thrusting my body towards his as we break apart for a moment.“I think we need to take this upstairs.”
“Okay,” he heaves taking a breath.
He sits up as I do.I take his hand leading him upstairs to the bedroom.I don’t want to think of the consequences, I can’t think of them right now.All I can think of is Alec with me.The passion for Alec overwhelms me.
We reach the master bedroom.The bedroom I share with someone else.And as on cue, I hear my daughter in the room across the hall begin to cry.
I drop my hand from his to realize what was about to happen between us.We had never gone this far since I became a married woman.It would only take one time with Alec to ruin it forever with Cooper.One time with Alec would equal twenty times with Cooper.
“I better leave,” Alec says before disappearing down the stairs.
I stand there for mere seconds before I straighten myself for my daughter.I know Janey wouldn’t know what just occurred between Alec and me although I would.I will always remember what was about to occur.I have been branded by Alec and I really don’t think I can ever get enough.Forget promises I made to Cooper, forget everything about the promises I made to him.After tonight it’s going to be Alec, it has to be Alec because I can’t live without him or the way he makes me feel.
I look miserable pacing the living room floor in my grumpy pajama bottoms and the white tank top.My hair is pulled back in a pony tail because I didn’t have the energy or will to do anything with it this morning.It’s eleven o’clock in the morning and all I have done this morning was take care of my daughter and pace.
Now she is playing in her corral that Mac had bought us when she started first learned how to crawl.She is as happy as she always is, but her mother – her mother is miserable.
It’s been thirty-six hours since the moment I began to feel this way.I knew the moment I calmed Janey and she went back to slumber, I began to feel it.Next thing I knew I was on my bed crying like a baby rolled up in a ball.I keep doing this to myself.I always have, now I’m making it even worse because of the innocent people involved.
I keep pacing this morning waiting.I keep waiting for something or someone to help me.There is only one person I could talk to that wouldn’t judge me or condemn me, she would understand what I was doing and why.Now all I have to do is wait.
“What’s the emergency,” the female voice asks walking in the front door.
“You’re here,” I sigh in relief.“BJ, I’m so glad you could make it.”
BJ, my cousin, my hero, and my best friend had been there for me through so much.As it was she had saved my life when I was six years old.I became really sick and both of my kidneys shut down.My mom didn’t know what to do until my Uncle Tony stepped in after BJ was in an accident on her way to school.I was running out of time, and she came into the hospital in bad shape.The doctors were able to save her of course, but me they weren’t so sure of.Then my Uncle Tony suggested they take on of BJ’s kidneys since she was already in the hospital but in fare condition.
So now I’m alive because of my older cousin, who became my best friend after that.Sure, I have Georgie, but in every one’s eye, Georgie is perfect.She went to college and married a Quartermaine.Dillon was a great guy and he even strayed from his marriage at one point, but Georgie forgave him especially when she found out she was pregnant.
BJ was my rock and always have. BJ had faults and right after she graduated she left town for a short while to find her self to told her father.She came back six months later and met the man of her dreams and started popping out kids.
“What is going on,” BJ asks walking over to the corral and messing up my daughter’s hair.
“It’s Alec,” I admit flopping down in the recliner.“He was here last night.”
“Did you,” she questions.BJ and I have always had this connection between us; maybe it had to do with being so close or saving my life.She knew everything before I could even tell her.She had known about my feelings for Alec before anyone else.
“No, but we came awfully close.BJ, what am I going to do,” I ask.“Look at me, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep for that matter.Look what he does to me, how can I go on like this when I have Janey?Coop is supposed to be home later tonight, what am I supposed to do then?”
“Well first, you’re going to go up and take a shower, because, cousin, you need it.While you do that, I am going to clean this place up, then take Janey to my house for a couple of days.”
“What about Coop?”
“You need to choose, Maxie.I know your feelings for Alec.Hell, I dated him, remember? I know how charming he can be and he doesn’t even know it.He doesn’t realize how sexy and charming he is, and those are the most dangerous type of men.Then there is Cooper.I know you love him.You have Janey to remind you every day.”
“I know,” I reply looking over at my daughter.
“Seriously, if you were to divorce Cooper, could you honestly say it would be the right thing to do? Every time you look at your daughter you see your husband.Those eyes are identical even the nose is his.Could you honestly say that if you left Cooper, you wouldn’t think of him everyday?You look at Janey and that’s all you see,” BJ explains.
It’s true from the moment Janey was born everyone said she looked like her father.Her eyes are his in every way, the only thing she got from me is her smile.She even has his temper.Could I leave Cooper and not think of him every time I looked at her?
“Just think about that,” BJ orders before pulling me up from the chair.“Go, and I’ll take care of everything down here.”
I began to walk upstairs as I reach the first landing I look back to see BJ holding Janey.I don’t know what I would do without either of them.
It’s been a few hours since BJ left with Janey.As promised she cleaned up the house while I took a much needed shower and gained my composure.Now I sit at the dinner table with Cooper’s favorite meal waiting for him.I figured the best way to get him to listen to me is making him sit down in one place.
I take a sip of my diet soda looking at the back door.I stand up when I hear his car pull up the driveway.It seems like forever when he finally walks in the door carrying his suitcase and something else that he has hidden behind his back.
“Hi,” he says bringing the beautiful stargazer lilies out from his back.“Your favorite, right?”
I shake my head yes.He remembers me telling him my favorite flowers were stargazer lilies especially the purple and pink shades.I don’t know why those are the ones I love so much, maybe it has to do with how unique they are, like me.
“For the woman I love and the one I missed,” Cooper says kissing me on the cheek.“I see you made my favorite for dinner, what’s the occasion?”
“I just thought you would like a home-cooked meal your first night home.And by the way it’s just us tonight; BJ has Janey for the night.”
He wraps his arms around me bringing me against his chest.His lips touch mine and for the moment things are good.
“I have another surprise for you,” he says breaking the kiss.“Next weekend after I’m finished with finals, you and I are going to New York City.No interruptions, no Janey, just the two of us spending some quality time together.”
I can’t believe it.All of these months, this is what I wanted and now it’s like he knows.Before I can say anything to him, he sits down to eat the spaghetti and meatballs I made him.
For the first time in months, Cooper stands beside me in the kitchen cleaning up.We used to do this when I was pregnant with Janey because I couldn’t stand for very long.Now tonight, he stands right next to me as he washes the dishes and I dry and put them away.Something about this makes everything else seem so trivial.
“Did you and Janey do anything special while I was gone,” Cooper asks washing the last pan.
“No, just chilled out here the past couple of days,” I reply reaching up as far as I could to put the dish away.
I can feel his eyes on me, watching me.I haven’t felt like this with him in so long it almost seems new.I feel his hands on my hips swinging me back and forth.He turns me around and begins to sway to the music in his head.I can remember when we first danced together, the first song.Everything about that moment replays in my head.
“Let’s finish the rest later,” he says grabbing my hand and leading me into the living room.
We sit down on the couch together, his arms wrapped around me, and then instead of doing what any other couple in love would do, he turns on the television.This is what happens on the nights he decides to be with me, we sit on the couch watching television.
“About New York City,” I say.“I don’t think we will be able to go.”
“Why? I have the weekend off, and you can always send Janey to your cousin’s house.We haven’t been away since our honeymoon,” Cooper replies.
True, we haven’t been away together since the night we got married.And that wasn’t much anyway.The hotel we both work at gave us a free room for the night.Add that to the fact he decided to hang out in the hotel bar most of the night watching the basketball game.It wasn’t until the next morning did we even bother to make love as husband and wife.I can still count on one hand how many times we have made love since we have been married.
Sure I was pregnant with Janey for most of that, but Janey had just turned one year old and still nothing.I keep wondering if it’s true what people say about married people never getting sex, but five times in almost fourteen months.He’s never in the mood he says, and when he wants it’s, it’s usually at the most inconvenient time like in the morning when Janey is about to wake up.Maybe deep down that’s why I am so attracted to Alec.
“What are you thinking,” Cooper asks me his hand running up and down my arm.
“Nothing,” I reply knowing full well he doesn’t want to hear it again.
“It’s something; I can see your head turning.”
“Do you love me,” I ask knowing the answer.
“Of course I do.You know I do, what would make you ask a question like that.”
“Coop,” I begin.“Never mind, it’s nothing,” I say turning my attention back to the drama we are watching.
“It’s something,” he says sitting up making me fall out of his arms. “Maxie, what is it?”
“Do you want me,” I question looking down at my feet instead of at him.
“Of course, I do,” he answers.
“Then why don’t you ever show me?”
“Is that what dinner was about and the fact that Janey isn’t here tonight.Were you going to try and seduce me?”
I can feel the anger boiling inside of me.He thinks this is some sort of joke.Every time I bring this up, he brushes me aside like wanting to be with my husband means nothing.
“No, that’s not what all of this was about,” I yell standing up from the couch.“Why would I want to be alone with my husband? It’s not you would want to do anything any way.I could be standing in front of you naked, and I probably have to draw you a map on what to do.”
“Maxie, that’s uncalled for,” he snaps.“I would notice you.I always notice you.I notice when you get your hair cut, I notice when you walk around in my old t-shirt.I notice you.”
“No, you don’t.You haven’t in a very long time,” I state turning around to the mantle above the fireplace where our wedding picture stands.
The phone interrupts our fight.For a second I wish it was Alec calling to say he’s coming to get me or BJ saying that Janey wants to come home.It rings and rings.I can’t move to answer it, but neither does Cooper.
“Answer it,” I shout turning around.
“Hello,” he says to the person on the other end, “hey, Logan.”
I shake my head realizing that this fight is over and once again nothing is resolved like usual.It’s the same thing with all of our arguments, I yell, he shouts, I cry, he pretends to listen, and then all is forgotten like nothing happened.He says he listens, but nothing ever changes.
He hangs up the phone then looks over at me.I know what’s coming.
“Logan wants me to go to watch the game with him.I’ll stay if you want me too,” Cooper states.
“Go,” I reply shaking me head.I know no matter what I say he will go anyway.Logan is his best friend; he confident, the man creeps me out yet still won’t leave me alone.
“Are you sure,” he asks.
“Just go,” I tell him.
Minutes later he is gone probably out with Logan at some bar.I suddenly feel like a walk, but it’s dark, so I know I can’t do that.I could call him or for that matter get in my car and leave also.
Grabbing my keys I get in my car and do something I haven’t done or thought of doing in almost forty-eight hours.I am breaking the rules tonight, the rules I made up in this game of ours.Tonight, I plan on breaking every rule and every promise I ever made to Cooper.He didn’t keep them, why should I bother keeping mine.
I know how wrong this is.I also realize that the few times he has tried to call me the past couple of days, I haven’t answered.I pretended he didn’t exist, but I knew no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t do that.He would always be part of me.
I pull up in his driveway breaking all of my rules.I’m a total hypocrite, but none of that matters now.It’s late and all I can think about is having someone to talk to, someone that listens to me, someone that makes me feel wanted, desired, and loved.
As I knock on the door I realize there weren’t any lights on in his house or at least from what I could see.I start to think maybe this was a bad idea.I knock harder making my knuckles hurt, then I see the light come on in the foyer.
“Maxie,” he whispers standing there in a pair of ratty grey sweatpants with holes here and there.“Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“Yeah, I do,” I reply walking into his house.I stop in front of him putting my hand on his bare chest, bringing my lips just millimeters away from his.“I am going to show you exactly what you have been missing all of these years.”
I close the gap between us bringing our lips together as my hand stays on his bare chest.
“If you want more, you better shut that door, because I’m not going to give everyone a show,” I tell him as I lift my shirt above my head letting it fall to the floor.
I hear the door shut behind me and seconds later I can feel his breath on me.
“Not tonight, Maxie,” Alec replies handing my shirt back to me then walking past me.
“Alec, I thought you wanted me,” I ask holding my shirt close to my body.I came here wanting something to take the pain away not to get turned down again.
“I do, but not like this,” he says sitting down on the couch.“I care about you so much, Maxie.You come here at ten o’clock at night expecting me to just be at your beck and call.I won’t be that, not for you not for anyone.”
“No one wants me,” I whine knowing it’s beneath me.“How am I supposed to feel when my husband doesn’t want to make love to me?He rarely even tries to get to second base with me.Then there is you, Alec, we have something here, something I can’t even describe.It’s more the physical between us we have this attraction to one another than no one can break not even our spouses.”
“I’m not saying we don’t.We do, I’ll admit it.But we have something else, something even more important,” he admits coming up to me putting his hand on my arm.“We have been friends longer than anything.For that reason I think we should pull back.”
“The other night you didn’t want to pull back.What has happened since then?”
“You disappeared.I tried to reach you time and time again.I even stopped by once.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I left before you could tell I was there.I looked inside and say you playing with Janey.You were chasing her around the room and she was laughing.I don’t want to ruin that no matter how much I love you.”
I put my hand on his feeling his words reach into my soul.We never mentioned love, not once, probably because we were scared to admit it, too scared that it would be crossing the line more than we already have.
“What did you say,” I ask putting my hand on his cheek as he leans into it.
“I do, you know. I don’t if it was the first time you showed up at my door in the middle of the night or at your daughter’s birthday party.I can’t pin point the moment, but I do.I know I shouldn’t, I know it’s wrong, I’m not your husband, I don’t have the right to love you.”
“Yes, you do,” I admit.“Don’t you understand that’s one reason I married Cooper.Before Cooper came into my life, it was just you.Sure, I had boyfriends even lovers here and there, but you were the one constant thing in my life.I wasn’t sure if you wanted a future with me, as it was it took us two years to even go on a second date.”
I can remember sitting out in my car at the end of that first date with Alec.He began to get out of the car, then came back in and kissed me.That one kiss I could feel in my toes, every part of body suddenly ached for him at that moment.Then afterwards he went inside his house at one thirty seven in the morning disappearing from my love life for two years.It had taken us two years for another date, two years without feeling another kiss from him, two years trying to find someone else that could make me feel those things from just a single kiss.No one could compare to Alec and to this day no one could even Cooper.
“What a second date that was,” he sighs.“Are you saying you went to Cooper because you weren’t sure where you stood with me?”
“Yes,” I admit.“Every minute we were together I treasured.I can close my eyes and remember what you were wearing on our first date and our second date.At night, do you know how it feels like to wake up dreaming of one man while sleeping next to another?”
He wraps his arms around me making things even harder for the both of us. He wipes some of my hair out of the way and kisses my forehead.I know this isn’t right, but now it’s different.
“I love you, Maxie,” he whispers.
“I love you, too,” I reply.
“Let me go get dressed, then I’m taking you to find your husband,” he orders.
“He’s at the Outback with Logan,” I tell him watching him run upstairs.
Ten minutes later, we are walking into Outback together.How ironic that I have to find my husband at the bar Mac opened and my mother worked at when they first got together.
Through the smoke, all the people and the loud live music, I feel claustrophobic, something I haven’t felt in years.Alec takes my hand in his bringing it up to his lips for a quick kiss helping me calm my nerves.
I look around through the crowd of twenty-something’s, business folks to cowboys to average Joe’s trying to find the one man who shouldn’t be here.As soon as I find who I came for, his back to us, I catch another man’s eyes on me.
I watch in horror as Logan whispers something to Cooper.Suddenly I pull my hand away from Alec’s and realize that both Logan and Cooper have come to the wrong conclusion.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.Alec wanted to take me to Cooper so Alec could help me express my feelings better.If Cooper wouldn’t listen, then Alec would make him listen.I didn’t want two grown men fighting over me, and I now I stand here knowing that not only are two men about to fight over me, but there is a third man to intervene.
“What are you doing here,” Cooper asks standing in front of me now.
I try to take his hand to explain, but he keeps swiping my hand away.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Alec says.
“Not from what I hear,” Logan interrupts.“I hear that you two of been indulging in a game of mattress tag.”
All three of us look at Logan shaking our heads.Logan may be Cooper’s best friend, but too many of us in Port Charles all he is, is a snake.Since Cooper and Logan showed up in Port Charles, Logan hasn’t been able to hold a job longer than three months.Many of those times it was Cooper getting him the jobs.
Logan was a trouble maker who liked to drag Cooper into his latest scheme.And Maxie was getting tired of bailing Cooper out of the hole Logan kept burying them in.
“Why don’t you go find your new girlfriend for the week,” I tell Logan pushing him.
“Coop, I never understood why you married this piece of trash,” Logan says pointing to me.
“That’s my wife,” Cooper shouts punching him in the jaw.
“How dare you,” Alec also shouts punching him the same time as Cooper.
I stand back wondering if I should do something or just let Logan get the beating he deserves.
Logan has been a thorn in my side even before my wedding to Cooper.He stood there beside Cooper at the wedding in front of all our guests telling Cooper he was making a mistake.Logan didn’t believe in marriage or having a girlfriend for more than a few days, saying something about not wanting to be tied down.And for the past few months, Logan would call up and drag Cooper out to the bar with him when he wasn’t at work or studying so he could be Logan’s wingman.
I knew Logan wasn’t to be trusted especially the day I realized Cooper and I were missing two hundred dollars from our bank account along with a missing check.I had found out later that Logan had forged Cooper’s signature.When I confronted Coop about it, he gave me some excuse about Logan needing the money for rent.I didn’t fall for it until a month later when Logan was living on my couch for a couple of weeks.Of course it didn’t help that at the time I was eight months pregnant.
Then of course there was the night I kicked him out of my house.He hasn’t been welcome back since then and Cooper has fought me tooth and nail because of it.I understand Logan is his best friend.I don’t mind Cooper going out occasionally for a guy’s night out, hell, I would welcome it, but every time Logan calls, Cooper goes running.
That night though, Logan and his new trashy one night stand was none other than the woman who ruined so many lives, Alec’s ex-wife, Lulu Spencer.Logan and Lulu were doing the horizontal mambo on my couch.I had come down stairs because of a midnight craving that I had for cookie dough ice cream and potato chips, and found them there.
Lulu was shocked to say the least to find out who her latest conquest was along with Logan.I shared with Cooper the nasty tramp who decided to ruin one of my closest friend’s lives.The woman who to this day has a hand in raising Alec’s son, Drew, has let everyone know she could have any man she wanted no matter who it hurt.
Cooper agreed with me that Logan would have to go and I know he did it because I was eight months pregnant with his child.He knew I was having trouble with high blood pressure and stress plus add Logan’s annoying behavior I could go into early labor.
So Logan left and took his newest conquest with him.I never told Alec the reason Logan left; I didn’t have the heart since I knew that no matter what she did to him, and Alec would always love Lulu.
“We’re leaving,” Cooper tells me grabbing my arm.
“You’re hurting her,” Alec yells pushing Cooper away from me.“Do you even realize what you have?If you did, you idiot, you wouldn’t be here in the first place.I would kill to be married to someone like Maxie, and here you are treating her like trash.When is the last time you even looked at your wife, I mean really looked at her.Do you even notice that her eyes sparkle when she talks about Janey?When she laughs sometimes she will snort or the fact that when she is nervous she licks her lips?Do you notice her? Or are you trying deliberately trying to alienate her?”
“My marriage has nothing to do with you.And from now on neither does my wife if I have anything to say about it,” Cooper retorts grabbing my arm pulling me out of the bar.
It takes us only minutes to reach our house yet it feels like hours.The silence in the car is deafening.I don’t know what to say to him anymore.I don’t know if I want to say anything.I don’t know if I even want this anymore.
He walks into the house ahead of me as nothing is wrong.I know though, that this is it.I can’t take this anymore.
“I think you should be gone before Janey gets home in the morning.I don’t care if you stay the night tonight or what, I just want you gone by morning,” I demand.“But if you stay tonight, I would prefer you stay on the couch or the den.”
“Does this have anything to do with Alec,” Cooper questions as he begins to claw his hands in anger.
“No, it has to do with you and me.Cooper, this isn’t working.I don’t think it ever worked.I love you I do, I really do.But I want someone that wants the same things I do, and you don’t.I asked you time and time again if you were ready to be a father and a husband.You told me, yes, do you remember,” I explain.
“Of course I remember, but at the time you were already pregnant.What was I supposed to say, no, I wasn’t ready,” he wonders.
I lean against the kitchen counter turning away from him.I can’t even look at him anymore.I wanted a child so desperately, I’m not sure why, maybe it had something to do with I wanted to have a chance to be a better mother than my own.Whatever it was, I had told Cooper before that I wanted to have a baby, so we didn’t prevent it.Now we have Janey, and sometimes he asks like she doesn’t exist.From the moment she was born, I was right there with her every moment and every moment since then.Janey is my life; I can’t say the same for Cooper.
“You tell me you love me, but do you even know what that is.When is the last time you showed me?And buying me flowers or buying my favorite ice cream, doesn’t count.When is the last time you just held me or kissed me?I just can’t do this anymore with you.”
“Logan was right,” Cooper mumbles turning towards the door leading to the living room.
“That’s half your problem – Logan.For some reason you worship the man that is nothing but trouble in your life.And for once I would like to know why?”
“You wouldn’t understand, not in your perfect little world,” Cooper states.
“Perfect, right, my life is so perfect,” I snarl.“Perfect world where my parents don’t abandon me, perfect where I live in constant worry that one day I will get sick again and my daughter would be alone.Perfect, where no matter how hard I try, I will never measure up to Georgie or Robin in everyone’s eyes.Perfect where the one man I promised forever to is so in love with me he would do anything for me.Is that the type of perfect you are talking about?”
“You still don’t get it, Maxie.These are trivial things compared to what Logan and I had to go through.Growing up on the streets wondering who your parents are, then being moved from one foster home to another was our life.Then having to join the military or risk joining a gang that you can never get out of.All those times growing up on the streets you never get shot at, but you join the military and get sent to places that are a hundred times worse.You can’t imagine what that is like.I almost died over there, Maxie; I was this close from death.You know why I’m still here, Logan because he risked his life to save mine.He did the one thing I knew he would always do, be right there next to me when things got rough.He’s always there, that’s more than I can say for you.”
With that Cooper walks away.I knew Logan and Cooper were close.I even knew they were in Iraq for some time.As many times I asked Cooper what happened over there, he wouldn’t tell me.He always avoided the topic.Now I know why, he owed his life to Logan.Logan may be the biggest loser around, but he saved Cooper’s life and without Cooper I wouldn’t have Janey.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper knowing Cooper can’t hear me.
I need something to ease the pain away.I need something to make the visions of Logan saving my husband out of my head.Before I call up Logan to thank him for being there for Cooper, I find something to take it all away.I open the cupboard digging out the vodka I have hidden for emergencies, I pour a shot and down it instantly, then I do it again and again.Within four shots I can feel the room begin to spin, I fall to the floor in so much pain and anger and instantly the tears begin to fall.Nothing not even Alec can fix this now.I curl up on the yellow linoleum crying until I have nothing left.
Its hours later, I begin to sit up and realize I must have fallen asleep on the floor.Every bone in my body aches and my head throbs, but I finished more than my marriage last night, as I pick up the empty vodka bottle.My head begins to ring over and over again.I try to scream in frustration to realize that screaming will only make things work.
I get up off the floor to answer the annoying ringing known as the phone.
“What,” I mumble.
“Oh, I see you had a good night,” BJ answers.“I have tried to call you three times already. Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“From the way my eyes burn, I’m guessing it’s morning by the damn sun coming in my kitchen window,” I snarl.
“I was just wondering what time you want me to bring Janey home,” BJ asks.“Or should I just keep her another night.”
“Give me about two hours, just long enough to take a shower and clean this place up,” I reply knowing full well that it could take me an hour just to get my miserable self upstairs to the bathroom.
“Is everything alright?”
“No, it’s not.”
“If you want I can have my mom watch the kids for a bit so I can come over there.”
“You know, don’t you,” I ask.Port Charles is small enough for everyone to know what happens to one person only hours after it happened.So I have a feeling BJ is trying to be considerate and keep the fact she knows what happened at the Outback from me.
“I know bits and pieces.”
“Well, let’s say if I felt like having a hot and steamy affair with Alec or the mailman for that matter, I won’t feel guilty about it,” I admit.
“Not the mailman, Maxie.He’s fifty-six years old, bald, only four foot six and he has horrible morning breathe.I don’t think the two of you would make a cute couple.”
I want to laugh, I really do at BJ’s attempt at cheering me up, but I just can’t do it.
“Cooper’s gone and it had nothing to do with Alec.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I lie.
Everything had to do with Alec.As much as I wanted to see Alec today, I knew that I had to spend it with Janey.Janey would be the one cheering me up, seeing her smile would make me forget about the pain from last night.Last night was the end of the promises.
The dark skies and the heavy rain ruins the day I had planned for Janey and me.I stand at the window looking out to the miserable weather realizing it represents my life these days.I have held in the tears since Janey had gotten home three hours ago.
BJ was nice enough to stay for about twenty minutes when I gave her a run down on what occurred the night before.After that, I had told her to go home to her kids and her wonderful husband.She understood giving me and Janey a hug then she left.
Sometimes I wish I could do what my mother did, but this time I wouldn’t leave without my children.I try to think of something to do, anything that will cheer me up that doesn’t include Alec.
“Papa,” Janey shouts walking over to me pulling on my pant leg.
“Papa,” I repeat.“Do you want to see papa?”
Maybe a visit with the only grandfather she will ever know will help both of us.After ten minutes of trying to put on Janey’s raincoat and her shoes, I carry her out to the car buckling her into her car seat.
While I am pulling out of the driveway I dial the Port Charles Police Department to make sure Mac is even available to see us.In the past I would just show up and demand to see him, I had craved that much attention.These days the only one that I usually want attention from like that is my daughter.No matter what happens in my life, I know that my daughter will be there beside me.Janey loves me unconditionally.
Within fifteen minutes I am carrying Janey, her diaper bag, and my purse into Kelly’s Diner meeting Mac.He rushes over to me grabbing Janey out of my hands.
“Grabbing the bags would have worked too,” I laugh as I drop the bags to the floor and sit down across from him.
“How is my little Janey today,” Mac asks the only granddaughter he will have.
I knew from the moment Mac received the divorce papers in the mail from my mom a couple of years ago, he would never remarry.Now he is married to his work and he prefers it that way.Sometimes I wish he would find a nice lady that will welcome his baggage which includes Robin, Georgie, me, and all of our kids.These days though Mac would rather just spend his days at the department and the nights watching over his girls’ children also known as his grandchildren.
“Glad to see you too,” I tell him.
“How are you Maxie,” he asks bouncing Janey on his knee.“I heard what happened with Cooper.Do you know where he is staying?”
“How did you find out,” I wonder.
“BJ called me after she dropped off Janey,” he answers.
I shake my head knowing that no matter what I say to anyone these days about my marriage, it would likely get back to Mac within hours.After I got married to Cooper, Mac and I got closer than we had in years.
“Have you called Alec,” he asks.
“Mac, I know you always liked Alec over Cooper, but he can’t help me with this.”
“Maybe he can.”
“It’s not that easy.I know how much you and Alec get along and you never really trusted Coop, but I do.”
“Even after everything he did in the past,” Mac asks knowing about his arrest record which consists mostly from bar fights and such.“If he keeps running around with Logan, it will just get worse.”
“I can handle Logan.Who knows what’s going to happen between Coop and I?Maybe we just need to spend some time apart.I’m not filing for divorce anytime soon, I don’t want to go that route yet especially with Janey.I don’t remember Frisco much, but I do know he wasn’t there for me or Georgie.I’m not going to put Janey through that.He would have to do something horrible for me to take her away from him for good.”
“Don’t look now, but we have trouble,” Mac whispers watching the figure walk into Kelly’s.
I turn around to see Logan standing in the doorway.He stands there all innocent as can be.He knows that most of this is his fault.Logan Hayes was nothing but trouble and he knew it, hell, he thrived at the fact.
“How’s the angel of death,” Logan asks me standing in front of me with such arrogance.
“How’s the devil in carnet,” I question.
“I’m good, I wouldn’t know about Cooper though, he left with this red-headed knockout early this morning,” Logan states.
“Dada,” Janey yells at Logan waving her hands up at Logan.
“Not in your life,” Logan tells my daughter.
“I’m so glad you have never reproduced,” I snarl at Logan.
“Yeah, you know some people shouldn’t, you probably didn’t get that memo,” Logan retorts before sitting at the counter.
“Mr. Hayes, I have my eyes on you,” Mac tells Logan after handing me Janey.
“Good, you do that,” Logan replies taking a sip of his coffee.
I sit there with Janey in my arms.I can tell she is getting tired as she squirms in my arms.She wants her daddy and sometimes I wish he was still with us.
“I better get back,” Mac says as he gives me a kiss on the cheek and Janey a hug.
I watch Mac walk out the door noticing that the rain has stopped and the skies have cleared.I know that days like this that the weather could change in an instant.I decide to chance it with Janey so we can get as far away from Logan as possible.As I pack up our stuff, I hear Logan on his cell phone.I begin to wonder exactly who the red-headed woman Cooper was with exactly is.I know I shouldn’t be jealous because I’m the one that kicked him out, but I can’t help it.No matter what happens right now, Cooper still is my husband.Until the day, I sign divorce papers, we still have promises to keep even if we are not together physically.
It’s been three days since Cooper moved out of the house officially.He came over during the afternoon while Janey and I were out running errands.I knew he was going to do it, I expected it.Yet when I got home finding the note he left for me, something broke inside of me.
I never measured up when it came to Robin or Georgie.As hard as Mac tried to treat me the same as them, I knew I wasn’t. Both of them have flourishing careers and solid marriages that are unbreakable.I made a career of getting into trouble growing up, now that I am separated from Cooper, I have become more of a failure.
It’s a clear day once again with the sun beating down on Janey and me as we play outside.She’s in her sandbox that Mac got her once spring had arrived this year.I sit here at the picnic table watching her intently hoping she doesn’t eat more sand than she already has.
“Hey there, stranger,” Alec says walking up behind me.
“Hi,” I reply turning around to see his dark features.
I hate to admit, but I’ve missed him.I had only talked to Alec a couple of times over the phone since Cooper left.I had told him I needed time to digest what had happened.Now he stands before me making me wonder if I should have left Cooper long ago.
“How are things going,” he wonders taking my hand in his after he sits across from me.
“Better now that you are here,” I respond smiling like a school girl.
“Good, that’s good.I have something to ask you, and I will understand if you turn me down, but,” he explains, “I was hoping you would do me the honor of going out on a date with me tomorrow night.”
“Alec, I don’t know, I mean who will watch Janey?It’s not that I don’t want to go out with you because I do.Every other date we have had has turned out amazing, more than expected actually.”
“Then say yes.If it helps, we can keep it very casual, and I promise that I won’t make a pass at you,” he laughs.
“Okay.”
“Good, I’ll pick you up at seven.”
He leans over kissing me on the cheek then disappears through the woods behind my house.I sit there in awe of a man who walked a couple of blocks just to ask me out.He’s a gentleman that’s for sure.He didn’t pressure me into anything, he didn’t beg, all he did was politely ask me out.
Now all I need to do is find someone to watch Janey for a couple of hours while I go out with Alec.I don’t know what he has planned for the night, but I need to find someone that wouldn’t mind watching Janey late.
“Dada,” Janey screams as she begins to cry.
She needs her father.She deserves to know her father.He hasn’t been by to see her since he left.It’s almost like he doesn’t want her anymore, or maybe it has to do with Logan.
“We are going to go see Daddy tonight, baby girl,” I tell her picking her up in my arms rubbing her back.
A few minutes later I shut the door to her bedroom quietly.I know she misses Cooper and I miss him also.I miss the way he would walk past me in a hurry then stop to come back and give me a kiss.I would walk by him at times and he would grab me and pull me into his arms.I miss him so much.
I get downstairs to call his room at Kelly’s.He got his old room where he stayed before he moved in with me, which of course is right across from Logan’s room.
“Hello,” a high pitched female voice answers.
“Is this Cooper Barrett’s room,” I ask the woman shaking my head in despair barely being able to hear her over the loud music.
“Who may I ask is speaking,” she asks.
“His WIFE,” I bark.
I hear voices on the other end and Logan raising his voice at the woman.
“Hi,” Cooper answers as the music gets louder.“Logan, knock it off.”
“Hi,” I say twiddling my finger around the phone cord.
“What’s up,” he asks.
“Your daughter misses you, she wants to know when you are going to come visit her,” I tell him.“Can you fit her into your social calendar?”
“How about you drop her off here about five,” he tells me.“I’ll keep her overnight.”
“Where is she supposed to sleep, Coop,” I ask knowing full well that Mike has two playpens in a storage room for these moments.
“She will be fine, Maxie.There’s a new movie I want to see anyway.”
“Janey’s not old enough to go to the movies,” I state.
“I’m joking, jeez, lighten up, will ya.I’ll make sure she gets dinner and goes to bed at a decent time,” he informs me.
I hope trusting him with our daughter for the night doesn’t come back to bite me.Trusting Cooper with Janey is one thing, trusting Logan Hayes across the hall is another.
I’ve been through six outfits and three different hairdos.I can’t decide if I want my hair up, pulled back or down.I have fifteen minutes until I have to take Janey to Kelly’s and I still can’t decide what to wear on my date with Alec.I was never this nervous on our other dates, but this is different.This date we know how it could end even though we know it’s not going to change anything with my marriage.I admit I could sleep with Alec and not feel as guilty, but I also know if I was to find out Cooper was with another woman I would be furious with him.I can’t do that to Cooper.
“Let’s go, sweetie,” I tell Janey as I pick her up in my arms.
We leave the house ten minutes later than I wanted to, but with Janey I expect to be late to everything.It’s not Janey’s fault, it’s not my fault, it just happens.It’s the way life is I guess unless I just have lousy timing.
It’s five twenty when I walk into Kelly’s.I look around trying to find Cooper.Instead all I see is Logan sitting at the counter; he turns to look at me then shakes his head.
“He’s upstairs,” Logan tells me.
I don’t have the energy to bother with him now, so I carry Janey and her diaper bag upstairs to the rooms.I put Janey down as I reach Cooper’s room, holding her hand as she stands next to me, I knock gently.I don’t hear anything, so I grab the door handle turning it.As the door opens I see something that burns into my eyes forever.I quickly cover my daughter’s eyes as I see the two figures in front of me.
Cooper is in the bed on his stomach with the sheet barely covering his naked body.His arm is wrapped around the woman’s waist that is also naked.I gasp as she turns her head towards the door, instantly I notice who she is – Lulu.
In one swift move I shut the door, pick up Janey, and run out of Kelly’s.I don’t notice anything while running out of Kelly’s so fast.I feel sick to my stomach, my head begins to throb and the crying begins.
“Dada,” Janey cries reaching back for the man who used to be her father.
“No, Janey, no,” I shout as I buckle her into the car seat.“Forget him, Janey, just forget about daddy.”
Seconds later I pull into Alec’s driveway.I’m almost an hour early for our date.This wasn’t how our date was supposed to begin.He was supposed to pick me up I was supposed to be alone.Now I show up at his house with Janey in my arms.I walk up to his door knocking so hard my knuckles begin to hurt like the rest of my body.I keep knocking and knocking ringing the doorbell a dozen times, still no answer.I cant’ leave, I can’t move.I get ready to leave but my body won’t let me.
Suddenly I hear the front door open I look up to see Alec standing there in a wet shirt and a pair of jean shorts.He holds a towel to his hair as it drips wet.
“I thought I heard someone out here,” he says opening the door for us to come in.“You’re early.What happened,” he asks noticing the tears and the mascara that ran down my face.
“I had to bring her. I didn’t know what else to do,” I stutter.“I couldn’t let her stay there.I mean why with her.It could have been anyone.Why her?I don’t understand.Why?”
“Sweetie, you have to slow down,” he says taking Janey from my arms.“Let me put her down in Drew’s room.”
Until now I didn’t notice that Janey had fallen asleep in my arms.I don’t know when she fell asleep or if she was even asleep when I got her out of the car.I can’t remember anything but seeing Cooper with her.
Alec goes upstairs with Janey as I sit on the couch shaking my head.I don’t know what to do.I can’t go back to him now.I don’t want to even think about him.I have to find a lawyer.Who is a good lawyer that I could call?I don’t know any lawyers. Well in Port Charles there are a few of them, but most of them are thieves.
“What happened,” Alec questions as kneels in front of me.“I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.”
“You can’t fix it, no one can.I just want to know why,” I wonder.“Why did he do this to us?I mean I know I’m not perfect, I know he had a problem with you, but we kept our distance.I kept my distance from you.I wasn’t going to file for a divorce, not any time soon if it came to that.I wanted some space, but I didn’t expect this.”
He wraps his arms around me as my tears begin again even harder than the last time.I don’t know what to do now.He made a promise to me, Cooper made those promises before god, before our friends and family, and now he broke those promises.
I pull Alec away from me.I want to tell him.I want to tell him that he married a whore long ago, that everyone knew it, and now it’s truer today.Alec is so much better than Lesley “Lulu” Spencer, he didn’t deserve her.Now I realize that maybe Cooper does.
“What happened,” Alec repeats getting up from the floor sitting next to me.
I look down to see my hands in his.I could fall in his arms right now.I could make love to him and forget everything that I had seen just a few minutes ago.He could try to make me forget, but what would that solve.
“I was dropping off Janey at Kelly’s.Cooper had promised he would watch her tonight.He said he was going to keep her overnight.I thought he was making an effort.So I told him I would be there at five, but Janey and I were running late.We got there about twenty after five, but there was no answer,” I explain standing up pacing in front of him.“I mean I trusted him to be there.His door was unlocked, so we went in.”
I stop pacing for a minute closing my eyes seeing once again the tragedy before my eyes.I can see her long blond hair, his strong broad shoulders, and their legs untwined together.
“Lulu,” I tell Alec.“Cooper was with Lulu.”
Alec stands up looking at me with his eyes wide.The look on his face says it all.He is as disappointed with Lulu as I was with Cooper.
I open my eyes pulling the blankets around me tighter I realize I’m not at home.I’m unfamiliar surroundings as I look at the bedside table beside me.Looking closer I see a photograph of Drew in a football uniform and helmet beside him, then it’s then I realize I’m laying in Alec’s bed.
I start to get chills as I realize under the blankets I’m naked and that’s one reason I’m so cold.I feel someone’s arm reach around me knowing it can only be one person- Alec.
“Good morning,” he says wrapping himself behind me.I can feel how excited he is to be near me and I realize something happened between us last night.I had come here in such a mess last night for our date, why couldn’t I remember how the night ended.
“Morning,” I reply moving over to lie on my back.“What happened last night?”
“You don’t remember,” Alec asks sitting up.“I thought I was more memorable than that.”
“You are, Alec, you are.The last thing I really remember is telling you about Lulu,” I answer sitting up pulling the sheets up with me to keep myself covered.“I’m sure it will come back to me.”
I lean over to kiss Alec putting my hand on his bare chest.I want to remember how I first time was together, but going a second time could probably help me remember.He puts his hand on my head bringing me closer to him.I can feel myself letting go of everything, forgetting everything.
Our hands begin to roam each other’s bodies as I start to flashback to the night before.When he kisses me on my neck, I remember feeling so safe in his arms last night.I remember him kissing me after I told him about Lulu; I begin to feel it all over again.
Now he pushes me against the mattress, I wrap my arms around his waist as my hands begin to run up and down his strong muscular back.My fingers claw into his back mere seconds before we are joined as one.
Suddenly I hear crying, bringing me back down off of this high, I remember my daughter and that Alec had bought her upstairs last night to sleep.Alec falls to his side of the bed as I get up out of bed finding my clothes in the corner of the room on a chair.I quickly dress and run down the hall to the sound of my daughter crying.
I enter Drew’s room to find her sitting up in his bed. I’m a bit surprised that she hadn’t moved from his bed all night.I pick her in my arms holding her tightly against my chest.I sit down on the bed holding her in my lap.I keep thinking about what she had seen yesterday.I begin to wonder if anything will be normal with us again.
A few minutes later we make our descend downstairs as we get closer to the first floor I get a sniff of bacon cooking in the kitchen.Seeing Alec moving around in the kitchen makes me adore him even more.
“How does pancakes and bacon sound,” Alec asks moving around in the kitchen in dark blue sweatpants and white t-shirt.
“Sounds good to me,” I reply ticking Janey’s tummy.“Janey thinks so too.”
We sit down to each some breakfast at the table.I can’t remember the last time Cooper made me breakfast, he never has.
“How about you come over for dinner tonight,” I ask Alec handing Janey half of my pancake.
“I’ll have Drew,” he replies.
“That’s fine, we could have a cookout,” I suggest.
Twenty minutes later I buckle Janey into the car seat as Alec stands behind me.I close the back door and stand in front of Alec.
“I’ll see you about six,” I remind Alec before kissing him good-bye.
We leave Alec’s with a new found of hope that I didn’t know could exist.Sure Alec and I have to talk about what happened between us last night, but right now I’m going to enjoy our new relationship.
Janey and I walk into our house and as she runs to her toys, I check the answering machine realizing there are ten messages all of them from Cooper.I can’t talk to him right now nor do I want to try and explain why Janey didn’t stay with her father last night.No, all I want to do is enjoy the day with my daughter and get ready for the cookout with Alec and his son later tonight.
A few hours later, Alec is grilling some hamburgers in khaki shorts and a white wife-beater in my backyard.I sit at the picnic table a few feet away in some blue and white checkered shorts and a white t-shirt watching Drew push Janey on the swing set.I begin to think this is the way my family was supposed to be with cookouts, swings, and a family eating dinner together on a hot summer day.
“Awe, a picture perfect family,” Cooper announces from the back door of the house.“I see you replaced me already.”
“What are you doing here, Coop,” I ask getting up from the picnic table quickly so Janey doesn’t see him.
“I came to see my daughter since you never showed up with her yesterday like you were supposed to,” Cooper yells catching Janey’s attention.
Suddenly I hear her start to yell for her daddy.Drew begins to pick her up out of her swing when I catch Alec behind me stopping him.Alec is trying to protect Janey from the bitter fight over two parents who love their daughter so much neither of them want to let her go.
“This isn’t the time to get into this,” Alec tells us as he steps beside me.
“This is my house, I’ll do whatever I damn please,” Cooper demands pushing me out of the way to get to Janey.
“No,” I shout, “you forget so easily, Cooper, this isn’t your house, this is my house. And it’s time for you to leave.”
“Just tell me why you told me you were going to bring Janey, and you didn’t,” Cooper asks me putting his hand on my arm.“She’s my daughter too.”
“I was there, Coop, I showed up, ask Lulu why I left,” I answer him before I turn away to go to my daughter.
“I suggest you leave, Cooper before I call Mac,” Alec says to Cooper.
Cooper leaves without ever being able to talk to his daughter or hold her.She cries for her daddy and I just want to cry with her.This wasn’t how it’s supposed to be between us.I take her inside the house for a bit trying to calm her down leaving Alec and Drew outside.I wanted a family, I want to be part of a family that doesn’t lie or leave when things get rough.Promises mean nothing unless you can keep them and Cooper couldn’t do that.
I can’t believe it’s been two weeks now.I’m having the time of my life with Alec and Drew, but something is missing.I try time and time again to make my daughter understand that even though daddy doesn’t come to visit, it doesn’t mean daddy doesn’t love her.
Now, I sit next to Alec watching a movie tonight while my Janey sleeps peacefully upstairs in her room.The past week has been good.It has yet I can’t stop thinking about what I left behind.I haven’t heard or seen Cooper since the day he showed up at the house unexpected.His daughter misses him terribly and it breaks my heart every time she calls out for him.Alec has been trying to soothe her as much as he can, but both of us know who she really wants is her father.
We sit here on the couch his arm wrapped around me snuggling close together.He may be watching the movie, but I haven’t paid attention to it in the past fifteen minutes.I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I’m going to go check on Janey,” I say standing up from the couch.
He grabs my hand and brings me down on his lap.I know what he wants, I can feel it and at one point tonight I may want it also, but now I just want my daughter.
“Not now,” I tell Alec pushing myself off of him.
“What is it, Maxie,” he asks as our hands touch.“I can tell when something is wrong.”
“I just want to check on my daughter,” I repeat leaving him sitting there.I have this awful feeling inside of my gut and it’s getting worse.
Seconds later I walk into Janey’s darkened room.I see her laying on her stomach in the corner of her crib with her Winnie the Pooh blanket.I pull a few strands of hair away from her face and with a single touch; I grab her out of the crib in a haze.She feels not just a little warm like she gets when she is sleeping, no, she is burning up.
As I take her to the bathroom to cool her down, I begin to strip her of her Princess pajamas.She wakes up screaming as I put her in the cool water.As I put the wet wash cloth over her head, Alec comes up behind me putting his hand on my shoulder.
“She’s burning up,” I cry.“Can you call Robin, please; the number is by the phone downstairs.”
“Okay,” he says leaving me with Janey seconds later.
I begin to cry realizing that this is it.This is what I have been waiting for – the other shoe to fall.Everything I did to Cooper is coming back to haunt me, I know I should have tried harder with him.I am not meant to be happy ever and now my non-existing relationship with my husband caused our daughter to be sick.
Five minutes later Alec comes back in the bathroom that’s across my daughter’s room.I sit on the toilet drying off my daughter as best as I can through the tears that I can’t help shedding.
“Robin says if her temperature is above 101, we should take her to the hospital immediately and she will meet us there,” Alec tells me.
“Great, so 103 is bad,” I mumble picking up the thermometer and handing it to him.“It’s 103, Alec.What could it be?”
“Let’s wrap her up in something other than this wet towel and get her to the hospital,” he recommends.
Fifteen minutes later I follow Alec, who is carrying a sleeping Janey, into the hospital emergency room.As we walk in I see my cousin, Dr. Robin Scorpio-Drake waiting for us.
Robin takes Janey from Alec and says she will be back in a few minutes with news.As the revolving doors close to the examining room I catch a glimpse of Robin’s husband, the mighty Dr. Patrick Drake in the examining room.
Before anything else can happen I feel the room begin to spin then darkness overwhelms me.As I begin to open my eyes I realize I’m lying down on a stretcher, I see Alec sitting next to me his hands holding mine.
“What happened,” I ask shaking my head trying to come out of the fog.
“You passed out, but you’re fine just a bit dehydrated, Robin said,” Alec tells me.
I sit up instantly regretting it instantly as the room begins to spin once again.I lie back down feeling better as my head hits the pillow.
“How long was I out? Did they find anything out on Janey,” I question.
“Seven minutes and forty-three seconds,” he replies, “and Robin will be here in a few minutes she said.I’m sure Janey will be fine.”
“You don’t know that.”
“No, I don’t, but your daughter is being treated at one of the best hospitals in New York, the staff here has saved your life and your family time and time again.”
“Alec, my Uncle died here because of some of those doctor’s.I almost died because the doctor’s couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me until it was too late.BJ almost died because of their incompetence.”
“Yes, you did, but both of you and BJ lived miraculously to become two healthy beautiful women with families that love you unconditionally.And it’s your cousin working on Janey; she won’t let anything happen to your daughter.”
“I wish I could believe you,” I state closing my eyes praying that everything turns out okay.
Patrick and Robin walk into my room without my daughter and I know from the looks on their faces that all is not well.
“I’m sorry,” Patrick says before I fall to pieces.I realize this is my fate, this is what karma is.All the promises I made my daughter mean nothing now like the promises Cooper and I made one another.From the moment my daughter was bought into this world, my life belonged to her.Now nothing could take the place of that.
I sit here next to my darling daughter not sure what to do anymore.My past is coming back to haunt me in more ways than one.My mother never told me the horrific experience I went through when I was young would come back and hurt my own children.How could this be? Now I have another reason to hate my mother.
“Through the years we have learned more about the disease, so it’s going to be easier this time.I won’t let what happened to you happen to Janey,” Robin promises me as she holds my hand.
“I almost died because of it, Robin, please, don’t let my daughter go through what I had to go through,” I beg.
“Will she need a heart transplant like Maxie needed,” Alec wonders putting his hand on my shoulder.
He is standing there being the confident, strong one that I can’t be.He is here for my daughter and me like Cooper should be.Why isn’t Cooper here?I need Cooper.It should be him here with me, holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay.
“Dr. Quartermaine will let you know when she reviews the chart on her rounds,” Patrick replies.“If you need anything else, just let us know.”
Seconds later Patrick and Robin leave the room leaving me standing beside my daughter.
“I’m sure your mother would have told you if she knew,” Alec says trying to make me feel better.
“My mother left Georgie and I, she hasn’t even met her grandchildren, why would she have the courtesy of telling me that this disease is hereditary.It’s her genes that gave me the disease and now it’s her fault that my daughter has it.”
“Don’t think of it like that.”
“Why not, Alec? My mother never gave a damn about me or she would be here.No, I wrote her off long time ago and I don’t expect her to ever come back to Port Charles.And if she did, I would treat her like the trash she is.”
“How about I go out and get us some coffee,” Alec suggests leaving the room before I can give him an answer.
He remembers the days my mother was around.He remembers what she did to protect us through the years, I do too, although I remember her not being here the day Georgie and I got married or for the birth of her grandchildren.I remember the bad times more than anything.I am still angry with her for cheating on Mac with Luke Spencer.Mac was the best thing that ever happened to my mother and she ruined it.She has ruined every good thing in her life and I can’t ever forgive her for that because I am just like her.
“I will never leave you,” I tell my daughter grabbing a hold of her small fragile hand. I gently kiss her hand then lay it back down before laying my head down beside it.I won’t make the same mistakes my mother did – never.
“Maxie,” I hear someone say behind me.I come out of my slumber hoping everything was a nightmare, but the moment I open my eyes and lift my head I know it wasn’t.
“Alec,” I whisper.After I turn my head to the man behind me, I’m more than shocked to see my husband.
“No, sorry,” Cooper says without reservation.“It’s just me.How is she?”
“Asleep,” I mumble before standing up wrapping my arms around Cooper crying.“We can’t lose her.”
“I know,” he replies as his arms also wrap themselves around me in instinct.Now that he is here, for some reason, I feel better, I feel like things might be okay.It’s crazy; it’s insane when all we have done is hurt each other the past few weeks.
“Robin called me and I came right over,” Cooper tells me kissing the top of my head.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call when we first got here,” I explain.
“Robin told me that you fainted, so I understand.”
“Why? Why do you understand this when I don’t.Ever since she was bought in all I wanted was you beside me.After all the fighting and misunderstandings, can you be the one I want holding my hand through this.”
“Because, Maxie, I’m her father. No matter what happens between us, we will always have a bond because of her and we did create her out of love.Even though I’m not the world’s best husband, I try to be a good father to our daughter.”
“You are a good father,” I point out.“And you weren’t the world’s worst husband.It’s just that through my eyes we weren’t as important to you as you should have been.”
“I’m not your father, Maxie.I may not be under the same roof, but I’m always here.I’m here when it counts,” Cooper explains.
“I know,” I whisper as I lay my head on his shoulder.He is here when it counts and he isn’t like my father because Cooper is only a few miles away not a few thousands miles.
I look up for a moment into Cooper’s eyes realizing that this is what counts.He is here with us now when it counts.Without hesitation I lean into kiss his scruffy cheek and I notice something I hadn’t noticed when he came in – the restlessness in his face.Cooper looks like he hasn’t slept in days; suddenly I begin to rethink everything I’ve done the past few weeks.I begin to think maybe I made a huge mistake by leaving Cooper.
“Excuse me,” Dr. Monica Quartermaine announces from the doorway of Janey’s room.
“Dr. Quartermaine,” I say shaking the renowned heart surgeon’s hand.“Can you prevent Janey from going through the same thing I had to years ago?”
“I’m hoping so,” she answers flipping through the chart.
Cooper and I stand beside Janey’s bed holding hands while Monica checks her vitals and such.My mind rewinds to the moment Janey came into the world, how in love I was with Cooper the first time he held her in his strong arms.I swear I even say a tear that moment when he held her.I remember the days after she was born and he took care of the both of us as if we were the only ones on earth.He treasured the two of us those few days; he was the man I thought I would spend forever with.Then reality sent in, and he went back to work and I began to see less and less of him.
I pull my hand away from him turning to walk out of the hospital room for a moment when I see Alec standing there.I walk out of the room towards the new man in my life, the man that became my best friend, the man who helped me keep my sanity.As I walk towards the waiting area, Alec follows me.
“How long have you been there,” I ask him as I sit down in one of the chairs.I can’t look him in the eyes like I did something wrong, like I’m trying to hide something.
“Long enough to know that you need Cooper right now more than you need me,” Alec answers.“I don’t blame you, Maxie.I could never blame you.He’s her father; she needs him now just as much as you do.So, I’m going to go for right now, but I’ll be back later.”
“Alec, please,” I beg standing up to reassure him.“I need the both of you.I do, it’s just -.”
“You don’t have to explain,” he says backing away from me before I can touch him.“I understand - I understand more than you think.”
Before I can say anything else, Alec is gone.After a couple of minutes getting my composure, I began to walk back towards Janey’s hospital room until out of the corner of my eye I catch one of the elevator doors opening.I stop for a moment as the one man who will always have my heart walks out.
“Mac,” I utter before running into the arms of the only real grown-up in my life that hasn’t disappointed me.
“Oh, sweetie, I came as soon as I could,” Mac says patting the back of my blond hair like he used to do when I was younger.“Robin called me and told me what was happening.I know you are not going to like this, but I called your mother to tell her what was going on.”
“Why,” I yell before stepping out of his arms.“How could you call her? She doesn’t care about me or my daughter?”
“Maxie, she had to know about Janey,” Mac replies.
“Why would she care? She hasn’t cared about Georgie or me in years, why should she care that her granddaughter is fighting for her life.”
“Because, Maxie, it’s different this time.”
“You still love her, don’t you,” I ask knowing full well he does.He hasn’t been on a date in years, not since my mother left town the last time.He still thinks she is coming back and they will live happily ever after.“She won’t come back for her own children; I don’t expect her to come back for Janey.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” I tell him before walking back to Janey’s room.
I will never forgive my mother for leaving me and Georgie.No matter what Mac or Georgie says my mother will never be welcomed in my life again.
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It’s been forty-eight hours since my little girl had been bought into the hospital.I sit here next to her where I have been most of the time.
“You look terrible,” Alec says walking into Janey’s room handing me a cup of coffee.
“Gee, thanks,” I reply running my hand through my ratty greasy hair that hasn’t been washed since the morning Janey was bought in.
“If your best friend can’t tell you the truth, who can,” he comments.“How about you go home and get cleaned up? I’ll stay here with her.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Don’t you trust me or does it have to do with Cooper?”
“He’s coming by after his shift to watch over her while I go home for a bit.He promised he would be here, Alec, he promised that he would look after our daughter.He hasn’t broken a single promise to me since Janey was admitted, so I can’t break one to him.”
“I get it,” Alec mutters before leaving the hospital room.
“Urrghh,” I shutter walking over to the window looking out towards the dark clouds over Port Charles.“Men.”
“What about us,” Mac asks from the doorway.
Whenever I need him, he’s there.He’s always been there for me even when I didn’t want him to be.He may not be my real father, but he’s the only one I’ve known for most of my life.I see him stand beside my daughter looking down at her.
“Is this like how it was before,” I ask him, “when I was sick.”
I stand on the other side of the bed looking down at my young daughter who hasn’t woke up the past few hours from her pneumonia.The plastic bubble around her doesn’t make me feel any better.I just stand there looking over how pale my baby is and I try to remember when I was sick.
“Yeah, it’s exactly what it was like.Your mom was there everyday with you, I had to drag her out a couple of times just so she could clean up and get some rest. And when your dad showed up, he would drag her out.”
“Do you regret finding him for her?”
“Maxie, it wasn’t necessarily for her but for you.You had a bear that you named Frisco Bear and you wouldn’t go anywhere without it.I knew when you kept being admitted into this hospital that you needed the real thing not just the bear.”
“Robin told me that after my dad came back, you decided not to marry my mom.Why?”
“It doesn’t matter now, your mom and I did get married it just took us a few more years than I thought it would.”
“Mac, didn’t you love her?I mean I really don’t know how you could love a woman that just deserted her family like she did.”
“I wish you would stop blaming your mother for leaving you and Georgie.I am partly to blame for that,” Mac admits looking up at his step-daughter.“She knew I never really got over her sleeping with Luke.When she came back the last time, we tried to get something started again, but I told her that if she gets involved with Luke again or takes off that we are through.”
“You never told me that,” I state.
“I didn’t think I needed too.My relationship with your mother has always been rocky, but I’ve always loved her and I always will.”
“Why?”
“I have never met anyone like your mother; she challenged me like no other person I know.Plus she gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for – you and Georgie.”
“But she broke your heart,” I whimper remembering that it wasn’t only his heart she broke.When she left for good a few years ago, it broke mine, and I don’t think it will ever heal.Mac may still love her and Georgie may forgive her, but I can’t.
“Maxie, she is still your mother.You seem to remember all the bad things, not any of the good ones.I remember the times she took you to the beach and the park.I even remember the moment she found out you were missing when Chamberlain kidnapped you so long ago.She was so worried about you.There are only a handful of times I’ve seen your mother breakdown and most of them involve you. She loves you and Georgie so much.”
“I do love you,” a familiar voice said from the doorway.
Looking up I saw the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who bought Mac into my life, the woman who raised Georgie and I until we were young teenagers and the woman who left us in care of our step-father.My mother stands before my daughter and I and even though I want to run into her arms like I did when I was a little girl, my heart won’t let me.My heart will never let her back in not after she deserted her family when we needed her the most.
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