Prologue
“Mimi I don’t care what you think happened in that barn, but Shawn and I did not make love.” Belle Black said resting her head back down on the pillow of her hospital bed. “When the car crashed into the river we were soaking wet. We shed our clothes to keep from getting sick. The place caught fire and Shawn had to wrap me in my blanket and take me out. Well, I don’t’ exactly remember that part, but that’s what I assume happened. But I do remember it all until we went to sleep.”
“Belle you don’t remember half of it.” Mimi Lockhart said fiddling with a loose string on the blanket. “He paramedics said that they found evidence on both of you that indicated you’d made love. Can you explain that?”
“I made love with Phillip before he left to go see Rex at the gym.” Belle said trying to remember everything she had done that day. “We got a little careless. So any evidence came from our excursions with our soon to be life partners.”
“Think what you want Belle, you made love with Shawn Brady.” Mimi said feeling certain what Ty had said was true. “And if you were smart the two of you would sit down and talk about it. And I’d do it before you and Phil decide to walk down the aisle in two weeks.”
“Nothing happened Mimi and I am not talking to Shawn anymore.” Belle said trying to take a deep breath. Her lungs screamed with the effort and she wanted to kill Mimi for making them drive out to Jan’s house. “I’m tired of all the yelling that goes on between us. Right now all I want to do is sleep and get better so I can enjoy my wedding night before Phillip goes overseas.”
“You’re making a huge mistake Belle.” Mimi said backing towards the door. “You’ll regret what you’re doing someday, and when it happens you know I will be there to say I told you so.”
Chapter 1
Belle sighed as she sat in the large window of her loft, looking out over the snow covered town. She felt content as she watched the sun rise, blanketing the ground in blinding light as it bounced off the fresh snow. The loft was quiet, too quiet some days. Phillip had been gone a week now, and she had yet to get a letter from him, despite the promise of writing her everyday. She hugged her blanket closer and smiled. She had to give him some leeway, he was away fighting a war for their country he just might not have enough time to pick up a pen and send her a letter yet.
“Belle, Belle are you here?” Rex Brady asked as he let himself into her apartment. He’d promised Phillip that he would take care of his new bride while he was away, and that entailed making sure she was eating properly. “She hasn’t been eating well Rex. She said it’s he nerves from the wedding and now me leaving, but I think there’s more to it. Just see that she eats breakfast for me. He strode over to the stairs and leaned against the railing. “Belle, are you up yet?”
“Come on up Rex.” Belle called out, making sure the blanket was pulled over her skin. She’d crawled out of bed to the shower, then just wrapped herself in the blanket with a cup of warm tea. “I’ve been up for a while. I was hungry so I didn’t bother going back to sleep.”
“What did you eat?” Rex asked as he walked into her room. She looked pale under the bright sun light, and he wondered if she was getting the flu. “You promised you’d eat at least two pieces of toast in the mornings for me.”
“I had a bowl of oatmeal and an apple.” Belle replied as he sat down at he feet. He was such a good friend to her, and since they were now family, it made it all the more special. “Does that meet your expectations?”
“That’s better than my expectations.” Rex replied gently patting her foot with his hand. “How are you feeling this morning? You still look pale.”
“Better than yesterday.” Belle replied sipping her tea and looking out the window at the snow. “I can’t believe all this has fallen since Midnight. I guess we’ll all be getting the day off today. There’s got to be a foot of snow down there.”
“The news lady said that eighteen inches fell at the airport and that we’re in for more.” Rex replied leaning back against the wall and looking at her closely. Her blonde hair had become limp and dull, her face was pale and taunt, and her hand shook when she tried to drink her tea. “Are you cold Belle, you’re shaking.”
“No, I’ve been doing that for a few days now.” Belle said trying to steady her hands so he couldn’t see them shake anymore. “I thought it was because the heat was out at first, but it kept up. I have an appointment to see Lexie in a few days, so hopefully she’ll be able to tell me what’s up.”
“You’ll have to let me know what she says.” Rex said standing back up. He had to get back and make sure Mimi got up on time to go and pick up Connor for the day so her mother could go and run Alice’s. “Call me if you want company today. We’ll be watching Connor and I’m sure he could keep you laughing at least.”
“I’ll let you know if I’m up to it.” Belle said laughing at the thought of Connors antics. “I have some work I need to get done today as it is. I’ve been slacking off since Phillip left, and Kate is asking for my designs.”
“I’m sure your designs will be amazing.” Rex said heading down the stairs and towards the door. “Call us if you need anything!”
“I will.” Belle said grateful Rex was gone. His intentions were good, as they always were, but they were getting to be annoying. “Oh Phillip why did you have to put a watch dog on me?”
Climbing up off the window she headed towards her closet. Pulling out a soft sweater and a comfortable pair of jeans she quickly dressed and headed down to the living room. Setting the cup in the sink she grabbed her sketch pad and settled in on the couch for an afternoon of work.
Four Hours Later
Belle yawned and tossed her pencil down on the sketch pad. Her back ached, and her fingers were cramped. “Time for a break I think.” She said standing up and stretching her body until it felt better. She crossed to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and drank greedily from it. She thought about going over to visit Mimi and Rex, but she was afraid she would run into Shawn or Jan.
Shawn had been even more angry after she had gone through with her wedding to Phillip. It confused her when she wondered why. It wasn’t like they had ever been friends after they broke up, it wasn’t like he owned any part of her. A loud noise in the hall caught her attention and she moved over to look through her peep hole.
“No way Jan, I’m not getting married on New Years Eve.” Shawn yelled slamming the door to his loft. She had been on his case all morning, and he couldn’t take it anymore. “I told you we would get married when I felt the time was right. I don’t feel like that right now.”
“But Shawn, we’ve been engaged forever.” Jan whined grasping for his hand. She hated how he was still fighting to not get married, she wanted to make him hers as soon as possible. “What are you waiting for? It’s not like you’re still in love with Belle.”
Shawn swatted her hand away and moved to stand with his back to her.
Flash
“Make love to me Shawn.” Belle said winding her fingers into his hair. It was longer than she usually liked it, but it was growing on her. “I want you to show me how much you love me.”
“Oh Belle.” Shawn said burying his head in her shoulder, his lips nibbling the soft skin on her neck. No woman had ever felt as warm and soft as Belle Black, and none would. “Are you sure Belle, I want you to be sure.”
“Yes.” Belle said as their eyes locked. “I want you to love me Shawn. Please?”
Flash
“Shawn, Shawn?” Jan said snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Shawn, are you listening to me?”
“Sorry.” Shawn said shaking himself out of his daydream. “No Jan, I don’t love Belle anymore. But I don’t feel ready to get married right now. I don’t have a job to support you and you know I won’t let you use your parents money to take care of us.”
“We could do it for just a little while.” Jan said running her fingers along his cheek. She didn’t care if he wanted to be a loafer for the rest of his life, she just wanted to be married to him. “There’s no harm in that.”
“No Jan.” Shawn said shaking his head at her. The fingers on his face were icy like death, while Belle’s were warm and soft like heaven. “We will settle on a date when I am ready. I don’t care how much you want that gold band on your hand, it will get there when I want it to.”
Jan frowned as she watched Shawn pound down the stairs. “Damn you Belle Black.” She sad glancing towards Belle’s loft door. “I hope you can hear me Belle. If Shawn won’t marry me because he can't get over you, I’ll kill you.”
Chapter 2
One Month Later
“Coming!” Belle yelled as she jumped up off the sofa where she and Mimi had been having a conversation about their men. She and Mimi had been spending a lot of time together in the past few weeks, since Rex was out of town for a few weeks on business for Belle’s dad. “Hello?”
“Isabella Kiriakis?”
“Yes that is me.” Belle said frowning as two fully uniformed soldiers’ stood at her door. They looked somber, and it gave her the chills. “Can I help you gentlemen.”
“Mrs. Kiriakis, I wish we were here under different circumstance.” The taller of the two men said gently. “May we come inside?”
“What’s wrong?” Belle asked stepping back and letting the men enter her loft. She went back to her seat beside Mimi, her palms sweating with fear. “Is everything ok with Phillip?”
“Mrs. Kiriakis I am afraid we had better news to bring to you.” He said somberly. He wished that he didn’t have to make trips like these, but sometimes it just couldn’t be helped. “Five days ago a group of American soldiers were attacked while on route to their base camp. I’m sorry, but your husband was killed in the attack along with nine other men and women. His body is being shipped back to the United States in two days, we would like you to be at the airport to meet it.”
“Phillip’s dead?” Belle asked feeling her world crash down around her. “How can he be dead. He’s only been gone four weeks. No, there must be a mistake.” She felt Mimi’s arms wrap around her and she fought to free herself from them. “Phillip is ok, I can feel that he is ok. You must have found the wrong guy.”
“His dog tags were identified along with his body.” He said getting to his feet. “His captain was able to identify the body for us. I am very sorry for your loss Mrs. Kiriakis. Here is the information for the arrival of the plane. I truly hope you or another family member will be there to claim your husbands body. Goodbye.”
Belle sat, stunned beyond belief as the two men left her and Mimi alone. “Mimi, how can this be?” She asked as she felt her heart contract with pain. “This can’t be true, he hasn’t been gone long enough to be dead. It has been a month since he kissed me goodbye, it hasn’t been long enough.” She began to cry and clung to her friend. “Meems, what am I supposed to do?”
Mimi held on to Belle for dear life, trying to keep herself from collapsing into tears. She had to be strong for her friend, she had to keep together. No one would benefit from her breaking down at the same time. “Sit down and take it all in first.” Mimi said leaning Belle back against the couch cushions. “Oh my God Belle. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, or do. Do you want me to call anyone for you?”
“No.” Belle said as sobs shook her tiny body. She’d been so sick since Phillip left, and she knew that crying wouldn’t make it any better. “I just want to go upstairs and lie down for a little while. I need to be alone Mimi. Don’t call anyone, don’t tell anyone. Just stay here with me.”
“Ok.” Mimi said helping Belle to her feet and leading her stricken friend towards the stairs. “I’m so sorry Belle, he was such a good man.”
“Why Phillip?” Belle asked as Mimi helped her settle down onto the bed. She and Phillip had made love for the first time in this bed, not that long ago. He had been there with her only four weeks ago, holding her, loving here. “Why him Mimi, I don’t understand it. We were going to be so happy when he got home.”
“I know Belle I know.” Mimi said pulling a fleece blanket up over her friends shaking shoulders. She had seen Belle cry many time before, but never this hard. It surprised her actually, mostly because she and Phillip had only been married a month, and it had seemed to her that both had been reluctant in the end to have the wedding at all. She and Rex had chalked it all up to nerves, and had proudly stood by the two of them. “Do you want anything else?”
“Turn on the radio and leave me.” Belle said pulling the blanket up over her head, hoping that everything would just go away. The announcers voice caused her to cringe, and she buried her head further down under the soft blanket and drifted off to sleep.
***
Belle groaned as the sun streamed into her bedroom. Today was Phillip’s funeral, the day she would bury her husband. Fear gripped her as she remembered that it would be the last time she would ever see him, after today he would be buried in the ground for eternity. Pulling her sheets over her head she lay listening to the announcer on the radio.
“Good evening, thank you for listening to DSV 98.2 Fm, I’m DJ Harry Hart and it’s nine thirty on this cold evening. This next song is the newest single from the very first American Idol. Getting some great publicity this little lady is. Kicking off the second half of this hour, Miss Kelly Clarkson with Hear Me.”
You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I’m waiting…
Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I’m hoping my dreams bring
You close to me
Are you listening?
Hear me I’m crying out
I’m ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I’m lost inside this crowd
It’s getting loud
I need you to see
I’m screaming for you to please
Hear me
Belle sobbed harder as the song poured out of her speakers. How was it that songs always fitted the moment when you wanted them to least. Phillip was gone forever and it felt like no one was listening to her at all. She was a widow at twenty one years old, and they were more concerned with making sure his mother and siblings were ok than her. No matter how hard she tried, her words just fell onto deaf ears. She had lost the only person she could really talk to anymore, he was gone and not listening to her pleas to come home to her.
Even her parents hadn’t seemed overly concerned with how she was dealing. Mimi had said that perhaps everyone assumed that since they had only spent two days together as husband and wife there would be no terrible sadness for her. But she wanted some one to love her, to tell her that things would be ok in the end, where was her comfort?
Can you hear me?
I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
With no one to talk to and
No one to hold me
I’m not always strong
Oh I need you here
Hear me I’m crying out
I’m ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I’m lost inside this crowd
It’s getting loud
I need you to see
I’m screaming for you to please
Hear me
I’m restless and wild
I fall but I try
I need someone to understand
(Can you hear me?)
I’m lost in my thoughts
And baby I’ve fought
For all that I’ve got
Can you hear me?
Hear me I’m crying out
I’m ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I’m lost inside this crowd
It’s getting loud
I need you to see
I’m screaming for you to please
Hear me
The room spun as Belle launched herself out of bed to turn off the radio before she threw it out the window. It wasn’t possible for Phillip to hear her anymore, he was dead. He had left her alone, a widow and scared. She reached for the dresser to help steady herself, but the room lurched and she toppled to the floor, falling into a blissful darkness.
Chapter 3
“How is she doing?” Shawn asked Mimi as she quietly let herself into the loft. He’d been sitting up to talk to her, and it had been five hours since she’d left.
“She cried herself to sleep again.” Mimi said taking the cup of coffee that Shawn held out to her. He had been amazingly supportive towards Belle since the news of Phillip’s death. “Sami is staying with her tonight so I can get some sleep.”
“If she would talk to me I would go over and see her.” Shawn said stretching his long legs out under the table and frowning. It had been a long week since he had heard about his Uncle’s death, one with a lot of fighting between him and Jan. “But I think Jan would have a fit, and Belle doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“She did ask me to thank you for the gift you sent her.” Mimi said drinking the warm liquid greedily. She hadn’t had time to stop and get a drink since she left, Belle had insisted organizing all Phillips belongings so she and Kate could give them away to those who needed them. “I think she had inhaled the ice cream before I shut the door to the loft. She’s ok as long as I don’t make her stop, because then she cries.”
“I’m glad she enjoyed it.” Shawn said smiling slightly. He hadn’t wanted to send her flowers and a card, so he’d bought a fifty dollar tub of ice cream instead, and gave a large donation in Phillips name to a local charity he supported. “I figured that would be better than some flowers that would die anyway.”
“I agree with you.” Mimi said setting down her empty mug and stretching her sore back. “Where’s Jan tonight? Usually she’s stuck to your side like super glue on skin.”
“We had a fight again and she’s spending the night at her own house.” Shawn said trying not to get angry again. “She got upset when she found out about the gift for Belle and threw a fit. I wasn’t in the mood to take it and threw her out telling her to come back in the morning. I can’t handle her clinginess anymore Meems, she’s worse then a baby.”
“I won’t even comment on that.” Mimi said rolling her eyes slightly. “You know exactly how I feel about you and Jan, so you can just remember the lectures I’ve already give you.”
“I appreciate that Meems.” Shawn said standing up and grabbing a box of cookies off the top of the fridge and taking a couple to snack on. “But I tell you, if she keeps this up there will be no wedding at all. She’s bringing it up three or four times a day trying to get me to pick a date.”
“Why haven’t you picked a date yet?” Mimi asked taking one of his cookies and popping it into her mouth hungrily. “You’ve been engaged since summer, and you’re no closer to choosing a wedding date than I am to winning the lottery.”
“I won’t get married until I can understand everything that happened this summer.” Shawn said running his fingers through his long hair. He needed to get it cut, but he hadn’t felt like it yet. “When I can do that, I will choose a date.”
“We’d all like to know what happened to you this summer.” Mimi said softly, not wanting to start an argument with him tonight. “Let me know if you need my help figuring it out.”
“You have enough on your plate with looking after Belle.” Shawn said waving away her offer. “Is she feeling any better yet?”
“No.” Mimi said shaking her head and yawning. “I think she’s just so worn down that she can’t get over the bug she caught before Christmas. She’ll feel better as soon as she starts sleeping at night.”
“I hope you’re right.” Shawn said as a feeling of dread settled down in his stomach. He had noticed that Belle had been feeling terrible since the night of the fire, the night when they had made love. Of course she didn’t remember it happening, but he knew he did. If you’re pregnant Belle, that baby is mine, and I will make sure you know it.
***
“Belle honey I think you need to take a few days off and relax.” Lexie said as she checked Belle over. For the second time since Phillip’s death, she had been brought in after fainting for no reason. “You’re running yourself into the ground, and things will only get worse from here.”
“But if I stop I feel worse.” Belle said fidgeting with the strap on her purse. She hated that she kept fainting, because it meant that people were going to fuss over her and she wanted that like she wanted a third leg. “I’m just not sleeping well so I get really tired during the day.”
“Belle, your blood work is terrible.” Lexie said flipping through Belle’s chart. “Everything is out of whack here. Belle, when was your last period?”
“November.” Belle said casually. Her periods had never been regular, so she knew that she wasn’t pregnant. “But you know me Lexie, you know what my cycles are like. I’m not pregnant.”
“Belle, we can’t rule anything out just yet.” Lexie said reaching into a nearby drawer and pulling out a pregnancy test. “Go into the bathroom and take this. Come out when you’re ready and we’ll see the results.”
“I’m not pregnant Lexie.” Belle said reaching out and taking the box from her. “But I’ll take it because I know you won’t stop until I do.”
“Thank you.” Lexie said watching the young girl get up and head to the bathroom. She knew deep inside that Belle was pregnant. And after she and Shawn had been brought in after the barn fire, she also knew she had been intimate with him that night. There is a possibility either Shawn or Phillip fathered this baby. I will have to get her to do an amino or a cordon villus to see who the father is. But I can’t let her know I’m doing it. Her head popped up as Belle came back into the room. “And?”<br />
Belle looked up at her doctor, the little white stick clutched tightly in her hand. “What am I going to do?” She asked as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m a widow, I’m all alone in the world, and I’m going to have a baby.”
Chapter 4
Nine Months Later
“Oh god Mimi can it be any warmer?” Belle asked as she paced around the loft trying to cool herself with a hand held fan. Her air conditioner had cut out hours before, and the heat wasn’t relenting as the sun went down. “How is Chicago by the way. Stupid me, talking about myself the entire time when you’re off having a good time.”
“It’s lovely.” Mimi said as she lazed on the balcony of her hotel room. She and Rex had escaped for a week to the windy city, and it had been wonderful weather the entire time. “But I guess we’re in for some pretty bad thunder and lightening tonight. Are you going to call Brady to come stay with you?”
“He and Nicole are at the green mountain lodge for the weekend.” Belle said crossing to the fridge and opening the freezer. Cool air rushed out and bathed her face, making her sigh. “But I will be ok Meems. If worst comes to worst I will go across the hall to Shawn like I promised you guys I would.”
“Have you see Jan around since we left?” Mimi asked casually.
“According to Shawn he and Jan are through.” Belle said taking an ice cube and running it over her warm skin. She had always loved the heat, but the spending the summer pregnant hadn’t been fun. “I guess she got upset over lack of sex and he threw her out. In fact the argument woke me up and I tore a strip into her myself before she left the building.”
“Belle you shouldn’t get all worked up like that.” Mimi said hoping Belle didn’t put herself into labor by getting upset. She had ended up with false labor three times since the start of summer, and Dr. Bader was scared that next time it wouldn’t be false. “But I’m glad to hear Jan is gone for good.”
“Me too.” Belle said sliding down onto the couch and kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. She was dressed in only her night shirt and her blossoming stomach filled up most of it. “She seems to glare at me more often now. I don’t know why either.”
“It’s Jan, does she have a reason for anything she does?” Mimi asked as a knot tightened in her stomach. Or it could have something to do with the fact that you could be carrying his baby. She had stood by the assumption that Belle and Shawn had slept together and the baby wasn’t Phillips. “Just don’t let her get to you too much. I want that baby to still be inside you when we get home in three days, and if keep worrying and getting worked up, that won’t happen.”
“Don’t worry Mimi, I’m trying very hard to stay calm.” Belle said laughing at Mimi’s eagerness. The moment she had found out she was pregnant she had chosen Mimi and Rex to be the baby’s godparents, and Mimi had been completely thrilled with it. “But if this little one decides to come before then, I will not stop it!”
“You just want to have your baby in your arms.” Mimi said trying to sound upset at Belle’s eagerness. “I’m just picking at you Belle. I can’t wait for you to have that little one to love and hold. I’ll bet it’s a girl who looks just like you.”
“I hope it looks just like Phillip.” Belle said sadly, stroking her stomach for comfort. “Sandy blonde hair and blue-green eyes, yes it hope the baby takes after him. That way everyone will be able to see how he lives on in our baby.”
“Don’t go getting sad on me now.” Mimi said shaking her head at her stupidity. She knew better than to bring up any topic that could lead to Phillip, she had made the rule herself. “This is supposed to be a happy time Belle. Why don’t you go put on the heart beat monitor that Hope brought over for you and relax. If this storm is as bad as they they’re predicting you’ll need to be relaxed when it hits.”
“Ugh, I’m not looking forward to the storm factor.” Belle said frowning at the mugginess that rolled into the room. “Wind has picked up now. This is going to be a long night, I can see it now.”
“You can always call me if you need me.” Mimi said as Rex poked his head out of the room and motioned for her to get off the phone. “Anyway Belle, we’re heading down to dinner right now. But I’ll take my cell phone in case you call. But call Shawn if you need anything ok?”
“I will.” Belle said wondering if the storm would knock out her power. “Enjoy your dinner Meems. Goodnight.” She flicked off her phone and quickly moved to plug it in to charge. “I’m not going without my phone in the middle of a storm.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance and a cool breeze blew through the window causing her to shiver. Late summer storms were common in Salem, but they tended to be severe and cause major damage. “Damage I don’t want to even think about right now.” Belle said as she moved around the apartment cleaning up the mess she had made during the day. When she finally flopped back down on the couch with the fetal heart monitor, her back was killing her.
Darkness crept into the still room as she listened to the rapid beating of her babies heart, and she was unaware. Blackness covered her as the power gave out, but her eyes were closed and her mind resting. Sleep wasn’t something that she came by easily in the late months of pregnancy, and she relished in the time she was unaware. Exhaustion set in, and no one noticed the sudden stillness of the unborn baby, no one noticed when her water broke, and no one noticed when lightening struck.
***
Shawn locked his door, shining the flashlight on the lock. The power had been out for three hours now, and he hadn’t heard a peep out of Belle. Mimi had called him asking about her, so he figured it would be a good idea if he went across the hall to check in on her. Half the town was up in flames, and the roads were blocked, he had to make sure she was still ok. He would feel personally responsible if anything happened to her or baby. Taking out Mimi’s spare key he slid it in to her lock, and pulled the door open. The room was pitch black, not even a candle was lit. “Belle, are you in here?” He called out before walking in to the loft. It wasn’t like her to sit in the dark, he knew she was still terrified of it. “Belle?”
Reaching for a candle and matches he quickly had a warm glow in the room. A noise caught his attention and he moved to see what was causing it. A blonde head lay on the pillows of the couch, the fetal heartbeat monitor’s headphones securely fastened over her ears. Gently he removed them, and smoothed her hair off her face. She was so lovely, regret latched onto his heart and he shook it away. “Belle sweetie, Belle come one wake up sleepy head.”
“Mmm.” Belle said shifting uncomfortably. She opened her eyes and was shocked to see Shawn standing over her. She remembered when she used to wake up to his face, and for a moment she found herself missing him. “Shawn?”
“Yeah it’s me.” Shawn said kneeling down on the floor next to her so she could see him. Any resentment he had had for her or Phillip had disappeared when she found out she was pregnant. “Mimi was worried because she can’t reach your phone and sent me over. I used her key, I hope that’s ok.”
“Yeah it’s fine.” Belle said pushing herself up into a sitting position. A sharp pain ran through her abdomen and she gasped. “Oh God.”
“Belle are you ok?” Shawn asked watching her face contort with pain. She grabbed his hand and squeezed with all her might. “Belle what’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure.” Belle said releasing his hand and letting out the breath she was holding. “False labor I’m going to assume.” She brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up at him, blushing. “But my pains were never this severe before. Maybe I should head over to the hospital to make sure.”
“You can’t get there Belle, all the roads are closed.” Shawn said hoping she wasn’t going into full blown labor. “Lightening has been hitting all over town, and all the routes to the hospital are either on fire or flooded from the rain.”
“You mean the storm has started already?” Belle asked looking over at the clock and frowning. “I’ve been asleep since six. I never sleep that long.” Another pain ripped through her and she screamed softly.
“Belle, I think you may be in labor.” Shawn said taking her hand so she would have something to squeeze. The pains had been less than two minutes apart and his heat beat began to quicken. “You’re due this week right?”
“In four days.” Belle said gritting her teeth against the pain. She shifted her weight to lean to one side and jumped at the dampness of the couch. “Ugh, my couch is wet. Oh my God Shawn, my water broke.”
“Shit.” Shawn said pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and dialing 911. “Belle you’ve been asleep for hours. There’s no telling when your water broke is there?” He patted her leg lightly and jumped into action when the operator came on the line. “Hello, I’m here with a friend who is in labor. She fell asleep and sometime in the last five hours her water broke.” He paused and tried not to get angry. “Yes she is full term. Is there no way at all to get an ambulance here? Shit, no I’m ok I think I can do it. No, I will call back if I need any help.”
“What’s happening?” Belle asked trying not to cry out again as another contraction ripped through her body. “Shawn, oh Shawn.” She grabbed for his hand again and let her scream out.
“Breathe Belle, breathe.” Shawn said leaning her back against the cushions of the couch. “There is no way an ambulance can get here anytime soon. There are trees downed in front of our parking garage so I can’t even get the car out to try and make it there ourselves. I’m sorry perfect girl, we’re stuck.”
“No.” Belle said as tears welled in her eyes. “I need a doctor. My baby is on it’s way. You can’t deliver it yourself and I can’t do it. Oh where is Rex when I need him.”
“Calm down Belle, everything will be ok.” Shawn said as she came down from another contraction. “Look, we’re stuck here now. Why don’t you let me take you upstairs and get your comfortable on your bed. The couch is cold and wet, it’s only going to make you more miserable.”
“Ok.” Belle said weekly. Her body felt drained as she let herself be lifted to her feet, and she tried to keep her balance. “Thank you Shawn.”
“For what?” Shawn asked lifting her into his arms and cradling her against his chest. He remembered doing this once before, but the circumstances had been much different.
“For not hating us.” Belle said resting her head against his chest and fighting off the pain. “For being here with us now. We’re very grateful for you being here.”
“That’s what friends do.” Shawn said laying her down on her bed and moving to go into the bathroom and gather some essential items they may need. He noticed she was looking worse and worse, and thought she might be hallucinating.
“It could be yours you know.” Belle said closing her eyes and trying to relax. “The baby that is, it could be yours you know.”
Chapter 5
“Shawn.” Belle moaned as yet another contraction ripped through her exhausted body. She had been in labor for five hours, and they were coming at a constant pace now. “Shawn.”
“Thanks Lexie, I appreciate this.” Shawn said placing his cell phone down on her bed and reaching for the wet cloth and bowl of water he had placed on her night stand. “Lexie and Abe are going to try to walk over. There isn’t much happening in this area, and if they cut right through they should make it soon.”
“It hurts Shawn, it hurts.” Belle whined softly as he placed a cool cloth on her forehead. She had been covered with a sheet not long after Shawn bringing her up to the bedroom, and it was wet and clammy on her skin. “Ow.”
“Just breathe Belle.” Shawn said taking one of her warm hands into his and squeezing it slightly. “Do like Mimi said. Deep one in, blow it out slow.” He demonstrated and smiled when she copied him. “That’s right, in and out.”
“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Belle said as the pain passed and she slipped into her moment of peace. Her body was screaming at her, and she wasn’t sure if she would be able to make it all the way through the birth. “I was supposed to have an epidural in the hospital, it was supposed to make it easier for me.”
“I know Belle, but think of how happy you will feel when your baby comes out and you can hold her for the first time.” Shawn said as he watched her slide into another contraction. He didn’t like to see her in pain, especially the kind that he couldn’t stop. “Lexie asked me to check you again Belle. I know you don’t like me doing it, but we need to know when you’ll have to start pushing.”
“Ok.” Belle said as tears welled in her eyes. Shawn wasn’t part of her life anymore, and it made her uncomfortable to let him touch her in that way. “I don’t want to push until Lexie gets here.”
“Belle, if you’re fully dilated you won’t have a choice.” Shawn said remembering what Lexie had said to him about lack of oxygen to the baby. “Belle, if you don’t push you risk hurting your baby even further. Do you want to take that risk?”
“No.” Belle said glad he was finished with the examination.
“Belle, the baby’s head is fully accessible.” Shawn said disposing of the glove he had been wearing on his hand and patting her leg. “Belle, you have to start pushing and very soon. Do you want me to try Lexie again and see what she thinks?”
“Yes.” Belle said wishing Mimi was there with her. She didn’t know what it was, but something bothered her knowing that the man who had nearly ruined her life was the only person around when the greatest moment of her life was happening.
Shawn went quickly to dial the number. He knew that Lexie and Abe were a good twenty minute walk away on a good day, it would probably take them more than an hour to get there. He rushed back when he heard her shriek, leaving the phone on the floor. “What’s happening.”
“It hurts more.” Belle said nearly screaming out at the pain she was feeling. Nothing in her life had ever hurt like this, and she had been through some pretty rough situations. “Oh Shawn make it stop.”
“The only way to make it stop is for you to push.” Shawn said flinching at the strength at which she squeezed his already mangled hand. “Lexie said to make you push and to start with your next contraction. It could take a while to get the baby out Belle, and since it’s just you and me we have to work fast. Do you think you’re ready for this?”
“If I have to.” Belle said feeling like she was going to explode if something didn’t happen soon. “Shawn I’m scared.”
“Don’t be afraid Belle.” Shawn said smoothing her hair off her face with his hand. “I’m here with you and I will not let anything happen to either one of you. You and your baby will be safe with me, and inside you know it.” His face was so close to hers, and he lowered his lips to her forehead. “Are you ready for this?”
“Yes.” Belle said gritting her teeth. “Here it comes.”
***
“That’s it Belle, stop for a minute.” Shawn said as he held her babies head in his hand. He reached for the suction tube he had dug out of the nursery, and cleared the air ways of the baby. Lexie had called to say they were five minutes away, and it looked like it was going to be a close call. “Let me get things all cleared away before you push again, breathe for me ok?”
“Ok.” Belle said glancing down at the sight.
“Alright Belle, I want you to push gently ok?” Shawn sad grasping the baby’s head in his hands and preparing to pull like Lexie had explained. “Slowly, slowly, alright one last one and yes, yes, yes… it’s a girl!”
“A girl?” Belle asked as Shawn deposited the screaming infant on her stomach. Ten fingers, ten toes, a head of black hair all kicking and screaming. “Oh Shawn, she’s perfect!” Tears streamed down her face as her daughter lay wailing in the cold.
“She is.” Shawn said quickly wiping the fluids off the little girl and suctioning her mouth and nose again. There was something wrong with what he was seeing, not with the baby’s health, but with her appearance. Ignoring his hunch he wrapped the child in a fluffy blanket and moved to hand her to Belle, when he noticed that she was wincing again. “Belle, what’s wrong.”
“It hurts again.” Belle said as more contractions ripped through her body. “I thought once the baby was out it was all over for pain.”
“It is when you have one baby.” Shawn said quickly setting the little girl down in the bassinet he had pulled out of the baby’s room, making sure she was breathing well before turning away. The sight he saw when he pushed Belle’s knees again shocked him and his heart thudded in his chest. “Belle, did you know you were having twins?”
“No.” Belle said shaking her head gently. “There was only one baby on the sonogram, and only one audible heart beat with the monitor I wear.”
“Well Belle, there is a second baby right here and I need you to push at the next contraction.” Shawn said pulling on another set of gloves; he wasn’t sure what he would have done if Belle wouldn’t have kept a massive first aid kit with a box of latex gloves. “One, two, three.”
“Argh.” Belle screamed as she bared down and pushed again. How was this happening to her, she was only carrying one baby according to all the test they had done.
“Whoa.” Shawn said as the noticeably smaller baby slid right out of Belle and into his hands. The infant fit easily into his two palms, and a smattering of blonde hair graced the head, it was a boy. But something was wrong. It all it’s perfection, there was no crying. Reaching for the suction tool he went to work on clearing the airway, nearly panicking when nothing happened. It was then, that he realized he had seen a baby like this before, when Jan had had her miscarriage in high school, because it had been premature and still born.
“Shawn, what’s wrong?” Belle asked when she couldn’t find him, or hear her second baby. “Shawn?”
Shawn picked up the baby, wrapping it carelessly in a blue blanket and stood up to face her. He knew this would break her heart, especially since this one resembled Phillip more than the girl. “Belle, I’m sorry.” He said as he looked down on her tired body, fear in her eyes. He knew he hadn’t done a good wrapping job with the baby, and he watched her heart break as one small lifeless arm flopped out of the coverings and hung in the air.
“No.” Belle said covering her mouth as she looked at her baby. She reached out for the child, and sobbed when Shawn placed the lifeless form in her arms, tears in his own eyes. A perfect replica of Phillip lay in her arms, and like his father, he was dead. “No.”
“Belle.” Lexie said from where she stood in the entryway of the bedroom watching the interaction. It was then she knew what happened, right from the start. “I’m so sorry Belle. Time of birth 2:43 am. Time of death, 2:43 am.”
Chapter 6
“Lexie I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” Belle said as she lay nursing her baby girl on clean sheets in her bed. Shawn had quickly changed the sheets after Lexie had finished up the delivery and Abe checked the babies over. “Start again.”
“Ok, you son was stillborn, meaning he was dead before today.” Lexie said trying to speak calmly. “By the size of him, he was probably dead a little while, and since we didn’t know about him we never noticed. Now that I think about it, he was probably the reason you had so many false labors, making them not really false labor at all.”
“So I was in actual labor each time and no one knew about it?” Belle asked feeling slightly betrayed by the hospital she had placed her life in so many times. “Lexie, how did this all happen, how did we not see my son on the sonograms?”
“Belle, a sonogram only shows us what’s in front of the little adapter we use.” Lexie explained trying to make sense of it all herself. “I am going to assume, because I don’t have any solid answers here with me, that he was hiding behind your daughter the entire time. He is much smaller, so it leads me to assume that there is a genetic problem within somewhere that we can test for as soon as we can get you to the hospital.”
“What are they going to do to him?” Belle asked looking down at her daughter again. There was something unsettling about the little girls appearance, and it chilled her to the core. “They aren’t going to mangle him are they?”
“They’ll take some tissue samples and then turn him over to the morgue.” Lexie said watching the way Shawn was looking at the baby in Belle’s arms. It was obvious to her that something was amiss with the appearance of the babies, but she wouldn’t say anything until she was sure of her assumptions. “I promise they won’t hurt him Belle.”
“Ok.” Belle said yawning. She was exhausted, and wanted to sleep. But she knew she would never relax until she was at the hospital and her baby taken care of. “Have you had any luck getting an ambulance here?”
“There is one on the way.” Lexie said nodding her head. “They should be here with in the hour Belle. You did great today, the both of you did. I never would have thought you two would be capable of getting along long enough to deliver babies. I just wish things had been a little easier on you.”
“Me too.” Shawn said shivering with his memories. He would never forget the fact he could do nothing to save Phillip’s son’s life. No it was more than that, these babies were his cousins, and he had failed one of them. “I’m going to go get some air.”
Belle frowned as she watched Shawn leave. She knew he was going to the roof, and was glad the storm was over now, there was no risk of him being struck by lightening anymore tonight. “Will he be ok Lexie?” She asked softly.
“He’s shaken up over not being able to help the baby.” Lexie said moving to take the sleeping baby from Belle and place her in the bassinet. The child was an exact replica of Hope Brady, and it led her to ponder her ideas even more. “He will be ok, Abe will keep an eye on him for me.”
“I want to name her now.” Belle said reaching for a the baby name book and paper. She had been pondering names for a few weeks now, but all the names she had thought about were out the window now. “Will you tell me if you like it?”
“Of course I will.” Lexie said sitting down on the bed next to Belle. John and Marlena had been informed of the birth of their granddaughter and were going to make their way to the hospital as soon as they could, so she felt like she was playing the motherly role for the young woman. “But I’m sure the names you choose will be wonderful.”
“I had chosen Angelina if we had a girl, but I don’t want to use it anymore.” Belle said rapidly flipping through the book she had already spent hours reading. “Ah here it is. What about Kari? It’s pronounced Caw Re a variant of Katherine and it means each of the two, don’t you think it fits?”
“It’s perfect.” Lexie said as her heart broke for Belle’s loss. “And very unique, I’ve never heard it pronounced like that.”
“Kari Miriam Aurora.” Belle said looking at her daughter intently. There was something stopping her from adding Kiriakis to the end of the name right now. She couldn’t help but notice how much Kari looked like Hope Brady, and it caused her great discomfort to think about it. “Sounds perfect.”
“What do you want t name the other?” Lexie asked gently, knowing that the name would have to be placed on the birth and death certificates within the next few days.
“I was going to call him Phillip.” Belle said flipping through her book once more. The name for her son had to be perfect like the one for Kari. “Engel. I want to call him Engel Phillip Victor John Kiriakis. It’s long I know, but I didn’t want to leave anyone out.”
“It sounds like the name of an angel.” Lexie said smoothing Belle’s hair gently. “Your parents will make all your arrangements Belle. Just let them know what you want done, and they will take care of it. They want you to enjoy your daughter, with out having to worry too much over Engel.”
“I figured they would want to do it.” Belle said closing her eyes and wishing all this was a bad dream. She would give anything to go back to junior high and change all that had happened since then. “When do you think the ambulance will be here? Do you think that the roads will open soon?”
“The ambulance will be here any minute now.” Lexie said wondering how Shawn was coping up on the roof top. “Do you have your bag packed? I’d like to set it out so we don’t forget to take it with us. Oh, and do you have a certain blanket you want Kari wrapped in?”
“Any of the pink ones from the nursery will do.” Belle said wondering where the blue one Alice had given her had been placed. “Lexie, can you look for a hand made blue blanket in there too? I want Engel wrapped in it when we leave, and I want to make sure he’s buried with it too. I think it’s in a silver box in the closet.”
“Dr. Carver?”
“Up here.” Lexie called recognizing the voice of one of the local EMT’s. “Belle, they’re going to get you loaded onto a stretcher and get you ready to go. But with the stairs this narrow they may ask you to walk down.”
“Just get the blanket for Engel.” Belle said smiling at the young man and woman who came into her room. “Leave the rest up to me.”
***
Shawn slammed the door to the roof and stalked to the edge. He hated it when his anger got so out of control that he was afraid he would hurt someone, it meant he had to leave a room, or even the city for a while. He knew why he was upset, and that there was nothing he could really do to calm himself down other than to hit or scream at something, neither of which seemed all that appealing at the moment. He placed his hands on the raised barrier on the roof and sighed.
“Why did you have to take the baby?” He asked casting his eyes skyward. In his weakest moments, he always took his aggressions out on God, because he knew God would rather him yell and scream, than use his fits on someone. “Was it because you didn’t want her to get attached to him before you gave him to his father? Is that why? She didn’t deserve to have this happen, she’s lost so much in her life already.”
Shawn jammed his hands into his pockets, giving the wall a little kick as he backed away from it. “She’s such a wonderful woman. She’s forgiven some things that people shouldn’t have to deal with in the first place. She’s made it through the past year after you took Phillip away from her, she’s carried a baby knowing that it would never know it’s father.”
Shawn approached the wall with the intent on smashing his hand into it, but when he got near it, he leaned forward and rested his head on it, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Did you take the baby because of what happened between the two of us before Phillip and Belle got married? Did you kill her baby to show her what happens when you are unfaithful? You should have punished me and not her! I was there, I was in my right mind and I still made love to her! Punish me not her!”
His hands slapped uselessly at the wall as he cried out his pain and his fears. Never in his life had anything hurt this much, and he knew deep inside that it hadn’t even been his fault. “Are you doing this to punish the both of us? Is this a way to tell us that we should have tried to work through our problems and been together for the rest of our lives? Wasn’t there a better way to open our eyes, couldn’t the babies have been mine instead and they both could have lived? Do you want me to admit I still love her? Do you want to hear that every night I long to hold her in my arms again, that I want to make love to her until we’re too tired to stay awake, that I need her to be with me so I can be the person you wanted? Is that what you want to hear?”
A small sob caused him to jump back and look at the door. Belle was standing there, supported by a female paramedic, with tears streaming down her face. “How could you?” She asked him in a quiet voice. “How could you not tell me that you loved me back then? How could you not tell me that we made love?”
“I…” Shawn said trying to talk, but getting all jumbled up in his words when Belle shushed him.
“Please don’t.” Belle said silencing him quickly. “I can’t Shawn, I can’t do this anymore.” She turned her back, and headed down the stairs with out saying another word.
Shawn stared after Belle, unable to believe what had just happened. He had no idea she had been there, or just how much she had heard in the first place. He slid down the wall, bringing his knees to his chest, the tears continuing to fall. His heart was breaking yet again over Belle Black, and this time he was afraid that it just might be over for them. Forever.
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