Prologue
Belle Black smiled widely as she moved her eyes around the small room that she found she spent countless hours in. The pale yellow walls were cheerful, and the daisy border made the room seem to smile at you. Light blue and white check curtains fluttered in the warm summer breeze and she sighed at the scent of roses that wafted in and quickly diffused around her. It was going to be another warm, but beautiful day in Salem and she was excited for what she had planned for today.
A tiny gurgle turned her smile downward. The small child that lay peacefully in her arms was the perfect blend of her parents with her mother blonde hair, but her fathers stubborn brown eyes. “And what do you want Miss Aslinn?” She asked the content infant as her arms and legs moved in every direction. It seemed that the tiny girl was ever moving, not stopping even in her sleep. “Are you excited about our day too?” She cooed to the child as a new song started on the radio behind them.
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes
Things were peaceful in the small home that Belle Black occupied. Her father had bought the home for her when she’d found out she was pregnant and had allowed her to decorate it at her own taste, with his money. She spent her days with her child, creating the fashion line she loved so much, working at her own pace. Basic Black had gobbled her up as soon as she’d finished design school and was happy that she could do most of her job from home so she could be spend as much time with her daughter as possible. Life for them was perfect.
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The loud scream of the sirens tore him from his bed, his body drenched in sweat. Wasting no time Shawn Brady dressed in his uniform and reached for his lifeline, his gun. After being deployed almost ten months ago to a small town in the Mid East his life had been filled with war. Nearly being shot was an every day occurrence for him and he groaned when the siren registered. They were being bombed or attacked by air, not exactly how he had imagined his evening going.
Quickly he made his way out of his tent, making sure to stay hidden from any unfriendly eyes. He knew exactly where he was to go, but the path to his destination was a difficult one. Open terrain was all that separated him from the weapon that he was trained to use. A bullet whistled past his head and he quickened his pace, jumping out of sight just as some form of explosive went off behind him.
This was his life, this was what he lived for, fighting for his country. Few men he knew were more patriotic than he. Setting his mind on the task ahead of him he couldn’t help but remember the small blonde who was waiting for him back at home when he was done here. Six years they’d been waiting to be together, and now, in ten days if all went well they would finally get that chance. He grinned as the small radio the vehicle had played a soft country tune, “That’s right Belle, you hold on,” he whispered before beginning his job, tonight they, the United States Marines would end this war, or he’d die trying.
It's hanging' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
Chapter 1
Belle sat numbly as she listened to what Hope was telling her. The words weren’t sinking in, but sliding along as if on ice. She’d been slightly alarmed when Shawn’s mother had called her the night before asking her to please come over at a certain time. The first thought that ran through her mind was that either something had happened to Shawn again, or that there were problems with Sr. Shawn Brady who had been in and out of the hospital for a few months. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.” She admitted cradling Aslinn against her chest as if to protect her from the horrid words her grandmother was saying around her. “Hope, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There was a certain tone of desperation in her voice as she spoke.
“There was a raid Belle.” Hope said taking one of the girls hands into her own. When the news of the explosion had reached her and Bo they’d been devastated. At first there had been no news for them, as Shawn was still missing when they’d first been notified.
This disaster,they had been told,
is going to delay the return to the US until after we’ve found him, and pending on his injuries could be put off for months. Shawn was set to return to them today, two months after the original date of arrival, and all they knew was that he’d been found and was being treated for injuries. “Shawn was pinned in his tank for two days before anyone got near enough to check for survivors. He was hurt Belle, that’s all we know right now. They didn’t tell us anymore than that.”
“Is he still coming home?” Belle asked in a whisper. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, he was supposed to come home to see his daughter for the first time and pull them both into his arms. He was supposed to come home so they could finally stop putting off their feelings for one another and get married like they’d planned before he’d joined the Marines. They were supposed to be happy, they weren’t supposed to have to deal with injuries. “Is he coming home to me?”
“He’s set to arrive today, he’s on the plane as we speak.” Hope said gently looking at the grandchild that looked so much like her parents and sighed. They’d elected not to tell Shawn about Aslinn after Belle had discovered she was pregnant, because he told them that he didn’t want news from home. He didn’t feel that he’d be able to concentrate on the task at hand if he was wishing he was home all the time, and they’d honored his wishes. “Bo will be bringing him back any time now. That’s why I asked you to bring Aslinn over this afternoon.”
“You have no idea what’s wrong with him?” Belle asked as she felt Aslinn slip off to sleep in her arms. Nothing made happier than to know that her child was safe and comfortable enough in her arms to drift off to sleep. It made her feel like the most important person in the world. “Do you have any idea the extent of his injuries?”
“All that we were told was that his mobility was impaired.” Hope explained reaching out to take the sleeping infant. Gently she settled the baby into her bassinet and whispered a few soothing words to her to insure she stayed asleep. She missed having babies around, and she longed to have another of her own. “They made it seem like he’d broken his leg or something. I didn’t take it to be anything more serious, and we all know that I’m one to over react on everything.”
“Thank God.” Belle said leaning back into the couch. She’d been afraid that Shawn had lost limbs or his sight or even perhaps been burned beyond recognition. Not that it would keep her from loving him, because she’d love him forever and a day, she’d been saying that for years; and she’d meant it. “I can handle that with my eyes closed. Broken bones heal.”
“Not all of them.” Shawn’s voice said from the door way. It cracked slightly, clogged with emotion as he spoke, and tears welled up in his eyes at the sight of his one true love sitting there with his mother. “There are some that stay broken, like the ones I broke.”
A smile formed on Belle’s lips as she heard Shawn’s voice, but it rapidly faded as she looked up at him. The Shawn’s she’d known her whole life wasn’t there. Gone was the six foot tall man with a smile that could melt her, gone was the ever present desire in his eyes, gone was the life. Instead, a shell of a man was before her, with brooding eyes and a tough exterior. “Shawn.” She whispered moving to stand.
“Stay seated.” Shawn said as his father helped him down the stairs that led to the main floor of the living room. He looked at her as the tears slipped out of his eyes and he lowered his chin to his chest. “Don’t get up.”
A sob escaped her throat as she looked down at him. Never in her life had she ever seen Shawn in such a down state. The life that had once shone from him was gone all together and he was like a stranger. “Shawn.” She whispered dropping to her knees on the floor and shuffling over to him. Gently she lifted his chin so they were looking in each others eyes, and gave him a tiny smile. “Oh Shawn.”
“Don’t pity me Belle.” Shawn said as he looked into the deep depth of her blue eyes. He could see his reflection in them and he shook his head to break the gaze they shared. “You don’t have to be here, I don’t expect you to be here.”
Belle gasped at what he was saying. Did Shawn not understand the way she felt? Was his outlook for himself that low that he believed that a little setback like this one would effect their love. “Shawn, why wouldn’t I be here?” She asked as tears blurred her vision. “This doesn’t change anything.”
“Yes it does!” Shawn bellowed pushing himself backwards and making his way around the back of the couch. He connected with the baby bassinet that had been tucked behind it and cursed wondering why it was there. “Dammit!”
Belle leapt up at the sound of Aslinn’s scared cries. She quickly crossed the room with wide strides to cradle her daughter in her arms. “Shhh… it’s ok sweetie.” She whispered placing soft kisses on the babies head. “It’s ok.”
Rage filled Shawn’s eyes as he watched Belle speak to the child softly. Here he’d been planning on marrying her as soon as he’d gotten home, and she had a child. He’d had a child with out him. “How could you?”
Shawn’s question caught her off guard and she turned around to look at him. It was then that it hit her. Shawn knew nothing about Aslinn and was more than likely assuming that she’s been cheating on him while he was gone. “Shawn no, no, it’s not what you’re thinking.” She said taking a step towards him. She could see the hate in her eyes and she gently knelt down beside him and placed the baby in his arms. “She’s ours, she’s our baby. Aslinn Julianne Marley Brady, she’s ours.”
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Shawn sat quietly in the nursery in Belles home watching his daughter sleep. He’d insisted his father bring him over when Belle said she had to get Aslinn home, he wasn’t going to miss on minute of this day. He leaned closer to the rail and smiled gently as he watched the tiny babies lips twitch in sleep. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.’ He whispered gently as he traced her fingers with his. “And I’m sorry I can’t be the daddy you need me to be, I really am.”
“You are the daddy she needs you to be.” Belle protested quietly from the door. She’d been hiding in the hall listening to what Shawn had been telling the baby, but those words were just too much. “All she needs is you Shawn, nothing more.”
“She deserves a father who will be able to teach her to ride her bike or kick a ball.” Shawn said in frustration. Quietly he moved out of the nursery so he wouldn’t wake the tired child, barely making it through the door with out running into Belle. “Belle, I can’t be the father I had to her. And it kills me to know that I’ll never take her fishing or sailing.”
“Shawn you can still do all those things.” Belle insisted as she sat down on the couch and watched him again. It broke her heart to see him coming apart like he was and she felt helpless because she couldn’t fix it. “You just may not be able to do them by yourself.”
“She deserves better than that Belle.” Shawn said running his fingers through his hair. It needed to be trimmed, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore, he had lost everything over seas, and he wouldn’t be able to get them back like he wanted. “And I can’t be that.”
“Shawn, what has happened to you?” Belle asked as tears welled up in her eyes. “You never ever gave up with out a fight, why start now? You have a three month old daughter that needs you to be here with her, to love her and care for her. I need you here.”
“You don’t want me here Belle, I’m too much of a hassle.” Shawn said looking away from her tears. Nothing got to him like Belle’s tears and he cursed her power over him. “I’m not worth the trouble.”
“What trouble?” Belle asked crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “Shawn Douglas Brady you are never any trouble. You never have been and you never will be. So what if maybe I have to hire someone to help us out? Are you afraid of what Aslinn will say or something? I love you, and I want you here with us, forever.”
“How can you still want me around Belle?” Shawn asked leaning forward and resting his elbow’s on the arm of his chair. “Look at me. I’m not the same person I was when I left. There are things that I can’t do right now, and there are things I’ll never be able to do again. I don’t want to burden you with those things.”
“But I want you to.” Belle insisted sliding over to the end of the couch to be closer to him. She reached out her hand and laid it gently on his arm. “I love you Shawn. I’ve been telling you that all day. I don’t want you to miss out on a single day with Aslinn, and I don’t want her to grow up with out her father here wit her. She deserves a happy family.”
“Can we be happy Belle?” Shawn asked as his own tears started to fall. “Can we be happy if things stay as they are right now? Can Aslinn grow up with her father being down farther than she is? Can her friends accept all the weird machines through the house? How will we explain our predicament to her when she’s older?”
“Shawn you’re talking like this is the end of the world.” Belle said feeling hurt by his words. He already thought Aslinn to be shallow, despite her young age. “Do you think that life stops for you now because you got hurt defending your country?”<br />
“God dammit Belle look at me!” Shawn said in frustration. Using his arms for leverage he pushed himself to his feet and immediately crumpled to the floor. Sobbing he lay his head on her lap allowing the tears to drop onto her pants. “Look at me.”
Belle gently smoothed Shawn’s hair out of his eyes as he cried. She knew that he was hurting, and that there wasn’t really anything she could do for him other than show him how much he was loved. “Shhh…” She whispered gently as his sobs quieted. “Don’t do this to your self.” She closed her eyes as a familiar song drifted to her ears.
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength
When I am weak
“The damage is already done Belle.” Shawn said as his chest stopped heaving and he was able to lift his head. “Look at me. I can’t go anywhere now until someone helps me get up. I can’t get myself into bed, and I can’t do anything for myself.. I’m absolutely useless.”
“No you’re not.” Belle said standing so she could help him back into his seat. He fought with her until they both landed on the couch. “You’re far from helpless Shawn Brady. You can lift your daughter into your arms, you can change her diaper, you can take her for walks. Those are all things that matter, and things that you can do with minimal help. Don’t ever feel like you can’t do something.”
“I can do those things with Aslinn until she gets bigger.” Shawn said settling into the comfort of the couch. “But what happens when she starts to walk and run? Or when she decided that the puppy has to come with. I can’t do those things.”
“You have a lot of time between now and then to learn how to do those things Shawn.” Belle said gently feeling a slight pang in her heart for everything she had lost since he’d left. First she had lost the man she shared her days with, now she had lost his spirit and happiness. “Don’t give up on yourself Shawn, use Aslinn as your strength. She can help you learn what you have to.”
“What can I learn Belle?” Shawn asked feeling angry at her stubbornness. He didn’t want to get upset with her, but he knew that his anger could get uncontrollable. “Can she teach me to take a shower without getting stuck? Can she teach me how to dress myself?”
“I don’t know what she can teach you.” Belle said shaking her head honestly. “She’ll show you how to get across the floor with out using your legs, I remember when Zach used to do that. She can teach you how to get things done when you’re uncoordinated. There are lots of things Shawn, you just have to be patient with yourself.”
“Why are you so positive?” Shawn asked with a grin. She’s always has this optimistic view of life, one that he honored and loved about her. “Why won’t you let me wallow in my own self pity?”
“Because the Shawn Brady I fell in love with wouldn’t do that.” Belle said matter of factly. “He’d have smacked the person who was feeling sorry for themselves and told them to smarten up and get a life. So that’s what’s I’m telling you.”
“Belle, the Shawn Brady you fell in love with would have bounded into the house waiting to sweep you off your feet.” Shawn said as his heart fell again. Looking around the room he sighed before looking up into her eyes one more time. “But I didn’t. No, I was forced to roll into the house, because I’m crippled. That’s right, I will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and there is nothing we can do about it.”
Chapter 2
“God dammit!”
The loud words echoed through out the small house and Belle cringed. She’d asked Shawn if he wanted any help getting out of bed, but he’d insisted that he could do it himself. The loud thump followed by his curse proved him wrong. “Shawn are you ok?” She called out as she finished making Aslinn’s breakfast.
“I’m fine!” Shawn grunted as he struggled to pull himself back onto the bed. He knew he could do this, but he’d forgotten to lock the wheels on the chair and it had slid out from underneath him. Bracing his useless legs firmly on the floor he leaned back and sat down in the chair. “I got it, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
Belle breathed a sigh of relief at hearing him say he was ok. She was more than capable of helping him out, but she did want to see him do things for himself. “Did you want a coffee this morning Shawn?” She called out as she set the baby cereal on the counter to let it cool. She made a silly face at her daughter and smiled at the laugh she received.
“Yes please.” Shawn said as he quickly pulled on his clothes. He thanked god that Belle’s house had wide doors and halls, or he’d never have been able to get around, and was glad his therapist had been diligent at getting him able to dress himself. It had killed him to spend four months at a rehab center, but Belle had been good at bringing Aslinn in every weekend to see him. “But I’ll get it. Can you get a cup out of the cupboard please?”
“Not a problem.” Belle said gathering all the necessary objects. She made a mental note to talk to her father about installing a pantry so she could bring half the dishes down to Shawn’s new height. “I’m having eggs and toast, is that ok for you?”
“Sounds fine to me.” Shawn said pushing himself out into the kitchen. His face lit up when he saw Aslinn sitting in her highchair smiling happily around the room. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
“You can feed her if you want.” Belle said taking the baby cereal and setting it down on the table. She shook her head in amusement when Aslinn reached for the food, and started to fuss when she couldn’t quite reach it. “She likes her cereal as much as you did when Zach was a baby as you can see.”
“She’s like her daddy.” Shawn said moving as close to the highchair as he could get and reaching for the spoon. “And since when do you eat breakfast? You were a coffee and bagel girl before I left.”
“I started eating breakfast when you mother would force it down my throat because it was good for the baby.” Belle said remembering how Hope would fuss over her. “She’d come over every morning and cook for me. It was too funny.”
“I’m assuming you fought her every morning?” Shawn asked raising an eyebrow at her. He knew that she could be difficult and was sure his mother had been just the same. “So what are your plans for today?”
“Look at you being all relaxed and inquisitive.” Belle said moving to grab the butter off the table where she’d left it. “I’m supposed to go into the office today. I go in two days a week and I take Aslinn with me most times. Brady loves to take a long lunch break and show her off while I do what I have to do. Then Dad will take her until I’m ready to go home, or she ends up with Mimi. I never know where to find her.”
“Sounds like she’s pretty popular around the office.” Shawn said laughing as Aslinn sneezed and the food in her mouth went everywhere. “She’s gonna be a popular girl like her mommy. She’s already almost as pretty.”
“Did you want to keep her today?” Belle asked as she set two plates down on the table and moved to find the jar of jam. “Brady and Dad are in meetings, and my work time would be cut in half if I didn’t have to take her.”
“Do you think I can watch her?” Shawn asked as Belle handed Aslinn a mum mum cookie to chew on so he could eat his breakfast. “I mean, can I reach everything that I need to take care of her?”
“Everything is in the lower cupboards and closets in the house.” Belle replied watching as Aslinn happily gummed up the cookie. “And if you need help you mom or I can be here in 5 minutes.”
“I think I will keep her with me today.” Shawn said digging into his eggs. He’d missed what the Marines call ‘real food’ and chuckled realizing that Belle had cooked and not burnt anything. “So tell me Miss. Black, when did you learn how to boil water and not burn it?”
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Shawn grinned as he lay on the floor with Aslinn. She was such a little ball of energy, trying to wiggle her way across the floor. “Well sweetie, we may have to stay down here till mommy gets back because daddy doesn’t know if he can get you into that chair that he foolishly left over there.”
Aslinn looked at the man laying across from her and laughed. He made funny faces at her and she loved it.
“Oh you think us being stuck here is funny do you?” Shawn asked resting his body weight on his elbows. He wasn’t used to being on the floor, or out of his chair for that matter, but he figured he couldn’t hurt himself if he wasn’t doing anything exhaustive. “Well maybe I’ll have to wiggle over there and get you.”
Aslinn squealed and started to move her little body in attempt to get away.
Shawn watched his daughter closely. She wasn’t quite old enough to crawl, but she was able to move her self over the floor by moving her arms and legs. ‘I can’t move my legs, but perhaps I can do the same thing by moving my entire upper body.’ He thought watching her again. Getting ambitious he began to follow her. “Look at that Aslinn, did you see what daddy did?”
Shawn grabbed his daughter and quickly rolled himself over onto his back, holding her up and making her giggle. “I got you silly!” He exclaimed making her giggle again. “But now it’s time to get you down for a nap.” He pulled her down onto his chest, savoring the feel of her on his body. She was a part of him, a fully operational person who would grow to live a complete life. He sighed relishing in her warmth, wishing she could know him as he was before.
Closing his eyes he smiled at the music that drifted from the radio. It seemed that every time he started to feel sorry for himself it played, and cheered him up. Smiling he realized that Aslinn had fallen asleep on his chest and he signed happily. Reaching over his head he snatched a blanket and pillow off the couch and situated himself comfortably for a nap. The music continued to play as he drifted off, leaving him to ponder the last few words he heard.
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
Chapter 3 - Rated R
“Shawn the test results look promising.” Dr. Hall explained as he spoke to the young man on the table in front of him. “You did not sever your spinal cord as previously thought. It has been compressed in places, but we could attempt surgery on it. With it being pressed in by the bones in your back you will more than likely stay in that chair. Surgery could in fact get you back on your feet.”
“So if I want to walk again I need surgery?” Shawn asked turning his body so he could see the doctor. The prospect of going under the knife was not a favorable one to him, it wasn’t that he didn’t like doctors, but that he didn’t trust them.
“That is what I’m telling you.” Dr. Hall said moving closer to the man. “Shawn you are very strong and healthy. Your back muscles are very well defined, I am positive that you will do well in surgery. We’re talking small incisions in three places, two days in the hospital and a week where you will need an aide. After that, you’ll be crawling around on the floor after your daughter, since I know that’s your favorite activity.”
“I’d rather run after her in the backyard.” Shawn said seriously. Aslinn was getting more and more active and he was having problems keeping up with her on the floor. “Is there any chance that I could walk without the surgery?”
“Most likely not Shawn, the bones are stopping any electrical impulses from getting past them.” Dr. Hall explained reaching for a chart on the desk. “See these spots here, this is where your vertebrae are pressing into the cord. A few impulses are getting down to the lower half of your body, that would explain why you can still, ‘perform’ shall we say.”
“If that’s what you want to call it.” Shawn replied with a huff. He and Belle had discovered that yes, he could get an erection, but it couldn’t be sustained long enough for it to be of any use. “I’d like to be able to do that too. I won’t beat around the bush. I don’t like hospitals, I never have. If I have to be in one again I want it to be for the shortest time possible. If I agree and you go in there, I don’t want to be here for six weeks because it was more invasive than you thought it would be. Close me up and throw me out.”
“Shawn, you have a good chance of walking again, I can’t believe you’d jeopardize that because of a fear.” Dr. Hall explained helping him down into his wheel chair. He knew that Shawn was capable of doing things like that himself, but this table was about a foot taller than regular ones, and he didn’t want to risk him crashing to the ground. “We’re talking about you getting back on your feet permanently or at least with the aid of crutches and braces. That would make your life a whole lot easier, especially with your little one around.”
“You’re right on that one.” Shawn said getting himself comfortable in the wheelchair. He’d grown to have a severe detest for the wheeled device, preferring to pull himself around on the floor after Aslinn, even though she was faster than he was. Her added use of her legs gave her an advantage over him. “Let me talk it over with Belle, and I’ll get back to you. But you might as well go ahead and book an appointment to do it, once Belle finds out she’ll push me until I give in.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon with a day and time.” Dr. Hall said reaching over to shake Shawn’s hand and give him a reassuring smile. “I meant what I said before Shawn, you’re looking at a maximum of two weeks laid up, and no more than a week in the hospital as long as you don’t end up with an infection. But you’re strong and determined, there isn’t a better combination.”
“Thank you sir.” Shawn said moving towards the door. “I’ll he waiting for your call tomorrow. I have no plans to leave the house unless I have to come here.” He quickly wheeled himself down the hall, pausing outside the chapel. Making a sudden decision he moved inside the quiet room.
Silently he moved up until his chair rested in front of the cross and eased himself down onto his knees, making sure to lock the wheels of the chair so he could use it as a support. With out speaking he quickly crossed himself and bent his head in prayer.
Dear God, in my life I have never asked you for much other than to keep my family safe from the evils of the world. I know that I did ask for you that night in the tank, I knew no one else to ask what I needed. You did deliver me safe from harms way that night, with a few bumps and bruises, and you did allow them to find me alive after those many days alone and in pain. And for that I am grateful, you alone had the power to grant me my prayers.
Now I am here to ask another favor of you’re my Lord. I do not wish to live my life in this chair if it is not in your plan, so I have decided that if Belle wishes it so I will have the surgery that may allow me to walk on my own legs again. I wish to ask you to look out for my little family in this time of confusion. I hope I am doing the right thing, I do not wish for Aslinn to grow up having the ‘daddy in the wheelchair’, I know kids can be cruel to each other. I want to run and play with her, teach her to ride a bike and climb a tree. God, please, if you only do one thing for me in the rest of my years, allow this surgery to be successful and let me walk again.
I know my great grandpa Tom and Gran are watching down on me, and that gives me comfort when I have none here on earth. I know that Belle and I have a love like theirs and I ask for you to allow us to have that time together as a whole, so my grandparents wishes may come true. I love them and respect them more than anyone in this world, and I do hope that Gran’s wish will come true. Thank you for your guidance and love. Amen.
***
“So you’ll do it if it’s what I want?” Belle asked as she and Shawn spent a quiet evening in bed enjoying each others company. She’d been overjoyed when he had said that the doctor thought surgery might help him get back on his feet, but it had faded when it became apparent that it wasn’t what he wanted for himself. “Shawn, what about you? Don’t you want to do this for yourself?”
“I do but I’m afraid.” Shawn said settling back into the softness of the bed. He always enjoyed the time he got to spend out of his chair, he found that the long hours in it caused great discomfort to his lower back. The doctor had explained that it was because he technically did have impulses going down to his legs and buttocks, just not enough to make his legs move. “You know I don’t like hospitals at all, and if I can avoid them I will. But I don’t have to tell you all this, I know you already know it.”
“You’re right I do.” Belle said placing a reassuring hand on his leg. She blushed when she realized what she had done, and quickly moved her hand to his stomach instead. “Shawn, I can’t make this decision for you. If you want to walk again, if you want your old life back, then you will make this decision on your own.”
“Are you sure you can’t just tell me to do it so it’s so much easier on me?” Shawn asked with a mischievous smirk. He’d known that Belle would say what she did, she always tried to let him make his own decisions. But deep down inside, he knew he only wanted her to tell him what to do.
“And if things go wrong somehow you’ll say it was my fault for asking you to do it.” Belle said shaking her head at his smirk. Their relationship had become more normal in recent weeks, and they’d actually come very close to being able to make love. But the connection between Shawn’s brains wasn’t working properly, and he couldn’t sustain himself very long, not nearly long enough to satisfy each other in the least. “No Shawn, you do this for yourself. Afterwards, I’ll do things for you.”
Shawn groaned as she ran a seductive hand along his cheek. She was always doing or saying little things that would get him erect, at least partially. He flushed with arousal immediately and he prayed that the sudden erection would last long enough for them to put it to use. “What do you say we try doing a few things for ourselves? Do you want to give it one more try?”
Belle giggled as Shawn deftly moved himself so he was laying over her, their clothes on the floor. She bit down on his ear lightly as she felt Shawn enter her, rock hard, for the first time since before his tour of duty. “Oh Shawn.”
Shawn groaned as his body flooded with pleasure, his hips pounding in and out of Belle’s body. He changed it up, making his movements slow down to almost nothing, and then picking up the speed rapidly. “Belle.” He whispered as he felt her clench around him. “Belle.”
“Shawn!” Belle exclaimed as she tumbled over into ecstasy. Her body convulsed and shook under his and she felt him follow her within seconds before collapsing onto her. “Oh Shawn.”
“We did it.” Shawn said kissing her neck softly. He had been sure he would lose the erection before he was able to obtain his own orgasm, let alone one for Belle. He gently rolled off her and snuggled into her body, feeling exhausted yet happy. He smiled to himself when he realized that he hadn’t gone completely soft as soon as they were done, but was retaining the slight hardness that he had had as a teenager. “We did it.” He felt her sigh and slowly drift off to sleep, knowing that Aslinn would be up early ready for her day. Shawn smiled as the sounds of the radio drifted through the room, before closing his eyes and allowing the music to lull him to sleep.
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter’s eyes
Chapter 4
Belle sat quietly beside Shawn’s hospital bed, keep his hand clutched tightly in her own. The doctor had just been in to see her in the last hour, to tell her that the surgery had gone off with out any problems and that Shawn would wake up from the anesthesia soon. The nurses had administered the proper medication to wake him up forty five minutes ago, but so far there had been no change in his condition.
“Miss Black, I’d like to check him again.”
Belle smiled at the nurse who had been staying with her since Shawn went into the operating room. “Sure, I wish he’d hurry and wake up.” She moved her chair back a bit so the nurse could do her job, and she grinned happily when Shawn moaned at the thermometer clip being placed back onto his finger. “Shawn, come on honey open your eyes up for us. We want to share some good news with you.”
“Can I walk yet?” Shawn groaned as he tried to open his eyes to look at Belle. He could hear her voice, but nothing else seemed to be working on his body. “Belle.”
“I’m right here sweetie, just hold on a minute and let yourself wake up a little bit more before you try to talk.” The nurse moved aside and she quickly leaned up over him so he could focus on her with out moving his head from side to side. “You have a foam neck brace on too, that’s why you find it hard to move your neck. The doctors don’t want to take too many chances with your moving your back too much.”
“How did it go?” Her face came into view and he smiled happily. He’d been scared when they’d wheeled him away from her before the surgery, but happy memories had kept him calm for the most part. “Did it all go ok?”
“The doctor said that you did wonderful.” She stroked his cheek lovingly before kissing the tip of his nose once. “He told me that they were able to stabilize the bones in your spine enough to release the spinal cord. There is some damage, that they are worried about, but they said that your legs responded to painful stimulus.”
“Pinch them.” Shawn pushed his eyes open as far as they would go so he could wake up faster. He tried to push himself into a sitting position, but quickly gave up as pain shot through his body. “Pinch them Belle, I want to know if I can feel them or not.”
“Shawn, if you can’t I want you to realize that you’ve got some swelling going on right now, so you might not be able to feel everything yet.” Belle bit down on her lip, not sure if she wanted to pinch his legs or not, in case the doctors were wrong and he couldn’t feel his legs at all. “Why don’t we wait for your doctor to come in and check on you again and get him to do it? That way he can explain to you exactly what they found when they made the incisions.”
“Belle, why do you not want to let me see if I can feel my legs?” Shawn felt his chest tighten in fear, and he wondered if Belle had been lying to him when she’s told him about his surgery. “Belle, did they really get my legs to respond?”
“Yes they did, I’m just afraid that the swelling may have numbed you again, and you’ll be upset when you can’t feel anything.” She turned away from him, brushing away a stray tear that slipped down her cheek. “You did this for Aslinn and me, and I don’t want you to be disappointed in it.”
“Belle, I made this decision for you because I love you.” He reached out with his arm and placed it on the small of her back. She was so tiny, and he realized that he could probably put his hands around her waist no problem. “I love you and my daughter enough to want to give you both what you deserve from the man in your life. If I can’t walk then at least I tried to get better. If I can feel them, then it’s time for therapy to begin so I can get back on my feet and back into your life the way I want to be.”
“I just want you to be happy Shawn, I don’t care if you’re in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, as long as you can love me and Aslinn I’ll be happy.” She turned back to him and cupped his cheek with her palm. “Will you be able to be happy if you’re in that chair and can’t feel your legs now because of this surgery?”
“Will I have you?”
Belle smiled through her tears as she laughed at his question. Never in her mind had she thought about leaving Shawn because he had become disabled, and she knew she never would. “Shawn, you will always have me. I love you with all my heart, and we share a little angel together. She and I need to have you around, and we don’t want any substitutes ever.”
“Pinch my legs Belle.” Shawn looked at her with more love than he had ever felt in his life. “I’d rather you to be the one pinch me if I can’t feel them. I know you care about me, you want me to walk again. The doctors don’t have to care.” The radio droned from somewhere nearby, and he wondered if it was fate that one song always seemed to play when it needed it the most.
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
“Ok.” Belle gently peeled the blankets off Shawn’s legs and smiled at the nice tone of them. His therapist had done a wonderful job of making sure that his legs stayed in good shape, and she wondered if they were strong enough to hold his weight right away. “Here we go.” She moved to his foot, and pressed her thumb nail into the sole. Running his up along the bottom of his foot she grinned. Shawn’s foot twitched and tried to move away from the tickling of her finger.
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“That’s it Shawn, press your weight into your feet and use your arms to lift your body up into a standing position.”
Belle sat nervously as she watched Shawn go through the paces of his therapy routine. She’s been coming with him to his afternoon sessions for a week now, and she was thrilled at the progress he had made. The beore week he’d come in alone he had learned to bed over and tie his shoes from a sitting position, moving his feet as needed to tie the bows. Now he was getting read to stand up onto his feet, for the first time since his surgery. She grabbed at Aslinn, who was playing on the floor, but who wanted her daddy. “You can do it sweetie, I know you can.”
“Listen to Belle Shawn.” The therapist motioned for Belle to leave Aslinn alone, and let her go over to Shawn. “Ignore the pain you feel Shawn and place those feet on the floor and get yourself up onto the bars. Walk over to your daughter Shawn, she wants to see you. But she’s not allowed to come further than half way across those bars, Belle’s not going to let her. You have to meet her half way.”
“I don’t know if I can.” Shawn admitted as his back ached from the exercises he’d been doing for the past hour. He watched as Aslinn crawled to the edge of the bars, protesting when Belle held her back. “I’m sorry baby girl, Daddy’s tired now.”
“Dada!” Aslinn fought against her mothers arms, wanting to be in her daddy’s lap.
“Shawn, you can do this. Your back is only going to get more painful from now on out if you stay sitting in that chair all day long. It’s your choice. Do you want to sit in that wheeled device for the rest of your life, or do you want to get up and go over and see your daughter. Half way is all I ask, and I’ll wheel your chair over and you can sit back down.”
“Dada!”
Shawn’s heart broke as he watched his daughter cry for him. He’d never been unable to go to her when she cried, and he hated himself for wanting to quit now. “Baby…”
“Dada!”
Unable to listen to his little girl cry for him, Shawn planted his feet and pushed with them until he was standing up right for the first time in a long time. He wobbled as the pain shot through his legs and back, but he held onto the bars like they were his life. “I’m up, I’m up.”
“That’s it Shawn, that’s it! Use your hands to bear the weight of your body, and move one foot forward. That’s it, that’s it! Keep going keep going.”
Shawn’s arms burned as he took step after step towards Aslinn who was trying to get away from Belle. He paused, watching the child’s reaction to him being on his feet and he smiled at her. “Belle, let her go. I want us to meet up in the middle.” He kept moving his feet, lifting each food deftly and setting it gently back down on the floor.
Belle released her daughter, wondering if she’d be able to stand up for a few seconds like she had the day before. It was wonderful to think of her soon walking, because it meant that she and Shawn could learn together, and that would be wonderful. Her eyes bugged out of her head when Aslinn didn’t fall down to the floor like she usually did, but took a slow but careful step towards Shawn. “Oh my God, Shawn look.”
And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Shawn’s heart thumped excitedly as he watched his daughter take her first steps across the floor towards him. This was a day that they wound never forget. Both he and Aslinn took their first steps together. He stopped half way down the bars and dropped to his knees, opening his arms for his little girl. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he scooped the little girl into his arms, covering her little face with kisses. He hugged her close and looked over at Belle, knowing that the rest of their life had finally begun.
Epilogue
Shawn swallowed hard as he took his careful steps towards the stage. He had no idea why his family had chosen to sit near the back of the crowd, but he was annoyed at them for making him have to walk the long aisle to the podium. He was slightly more annoyed at his father for making him give the speech at the fourth of July celebration that Salem was holding to celebrate the end of the wars over seas. He finally stopped in front of the microphone and took a deep breath. He could see his family clearly from here, and the smile on Aslinn’s face told him why they had sat where they did.
The realization was, they had wanted him to show everyone that he could walk the distance to give a speech, just like he could run into a burning building to save a child, that he was ok now.
“I’d like to thank you all for coming here today, I know you’re anxious to get to the food so I promise I won’t keep you too long here. But I do have a few words I would like to say, and a story I would like to tell.
Three years ago I was serving overseas when my troop was attacked. I did what I was trained to do, and that was run a tank. Unluckily for me I was injured and pinned in that tank for two days with out food or water. I have spent that past three years learning to live again after a spinal cord injury.
I learned to live again, through my daughter, and this is where my story starts.
In my daughters eyes, everyone is equal. She doesn’t see the evil in a man with a gun, she sees a friend who can make things run away like a game. She doesn’t have the ability to recognize the good and the bad in people yet, so she makes the best of it. If you offer her a piece of gum, you will be her best friend of the day. If you snap at her, she will cry, but tomorrow she will come back again and try to make friends. This is because in her world
darkness turns to light and the world is at peace as it should be in ours.
Finally after four years of fighting we have ended the war in the middle east. Many lives have been lost during this time of terror for the men and women over there, and many families suffer. To them I say I am sorry. Many times during my two days in that tank I begged for death, I begged God to make the pain go away. But recently I have realized that God didn’t want me to die, but he wanted me to know the pain of war so I can teach it to all of you. So I can teach it to my daughter when she is old enough, I can teach it to your children and grandchildren.
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future and it’s looking brighter and brighter each day. Peace is settling on our world, and it’s about time that we thank God, and the men and women who fought for it. When you think of your little one, or even your big one growing up, say a quick thank you to the people who made his freedom, this safety, possible.
Do I see anything else when I look into my little girls eyes? Of course and the first thing I see is,
a reflection of who I am and what will be. To her I am the best father in the world. And I know that what she thinks is the God honest truth, because she doesn’t know the world of lies and deceit yet. In those brown little eyes of hers I can see what I will become, because I will never let her down. I will never let anyone down again.
Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family, it doesn’t matter, because I will always be able to think of the little girl that gave me back my life. The moment I laid eyes on that little one, I fell in love with her, the moment she was placed into my arms, I was whipped. I hope that in truth, Aslinn does raise a family of her own someday in the future, so she can share the love that she gives to her mother and me, with some very wonderful people, so she can carry on the message of peace.
But in this world, despite our new found peace, we never know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day. In a week I could find out I’m dying, and in a month I could be gone. I could be run over by a car, or struck by lightning. There is no way for me to predict if I will live to see my daughter reach that blissful day where she has a family of her own, and I guess there isn’t even a way to guarantee that she will live to reach that day. But
when I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me, because that is the true reward. If every person who sees me with my little girl thinks that I love her more than life itself, that we are truly happy, then we have done our jobs.
And when that day comes that I am gone, that I have left the world for a better place, I hope that you will all know that I’m not really gone. No, I will never truly leave this world,
for I'll be there in my daughter's eyes”
