Subject: MOMMY...DADDY'S HOME



Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an

Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and
he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess
he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?"

mildly amusing

A woman walks into a pet shop one day and sees a sign saying “Parrot £5”

She says the pet shop owner “Only £5?! Aren’t parrots normally worth at least £100?”

The pet shop owner says “Yes, but this parrot is actually a rescue case, he used to live in a brothel and a lot of our customers just don’t want him because of some of the things he says.”

The woman, deciding she doesn’t mind, takes the parrot anyway, paying only £5 for parrot and cage.

She takes the parrot home, and the parrot immediately looks around, saying “I can’t believe it, I’m in a new brothel, with a new madam!” The woman calmly tells the parrot that she is neither a madam, nor is her home a brothel.

The woman’s son walks in, and the parrot exclaims “Wow! New brothel, new madam and a new bouncer too!” Again, the woman attempts to put him straight, telling the parrot that the man he is talking about is her son.

Then, the woman’s two daughters walk in and on seeing them the parrot says “I can’t believe my luck! A new brothel, a new madam, a new bouncer and two beautiful new prostitutes!!”

At this point the woman gets very angry and tells the parrot that her daughters are not prostitutes and he must be respectful towards them.

Finally, the woman’s husband walks in to see the new family pet and the parrot gets really excited.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe it! I’m in a new brothel, with a new madam, a new bouncer, new prostitutes...but the same old customers! Hiya Mike! How ya doing mate?!”

Hahahah, that's great