Hi everyone,
Right here my nbe history. Im 23, 34a/aa lopsided. I used brava for five months last year between febuary to june and had about half a cupsize growth. I've been massaging my smaller breast for about 3 months now and taking wonderup for about 7 weeks. I have a history of depression and was on anti-depressants for about a year and a half until about a year and a half ago. Hate to admit it but i'm extremely ashamed of my breasts which is probably why i haven't had a boyfriend for the last 3 years,
don't know the exact reason, but it seems that since wonderup/ massage my smaller breast has shrunk & looks worse than before. I don't know whether to carry on or give up.
I think this is actually making me dreppessed I seemed to be consumed by it- its the first thing i think of when i wake up & before bed, i'm allways checking them to see of they have grown & always on here.I've turned down dates because I know eventually when the guys my breasts he will be disappointed- i dont feel sexy- after I stopped using brava when i had the swelling i did ( or normal)
i feel ashamed for feeling so shallow and don't want to tell anyone about nbe for that reason.

After brava, when i had the swelling I though i'd left some of that insecurity and self hate behind in my teens but it seems to have loomed its ugly head again.
I was surfing the internet the other night and came accross Body dysmorphic disorder & think I might have this.

I think i wasting my life being consumed by this pathetic obbsession but it is uncontrollable.

I know what you means.
I was on antidepressive pills for one year and Wonderup didnt work for me. Now I stoped antidepressive pills and i'm taking hipericum for depression. Gave WU another chance and i feel pains but still no grow.
My routine now is. WU+SP+Vitex and i'm full of hope.
With NBE we must be pacient. But I think antidepressive pills were stoping my body to grow and now i have hope it will give me results.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. :( I have a history of depression and body dysmorphia. I tended to focus on the same problems over and over again. It's really good that you're posting about this because others can support you and try to help. It can take a while to truly feel better, but it can happen.

I suffered during my 20s quite a lot (I'm in my 30s now) and took antidepressants for a short time. The drugs helped take the edge off, but they also made me feel bad in other ways. Sometimes they can make things worse, too. My estrogen level was rather low during those years and that can create depression. There can be dietary factors in depression, too, including not getting enough vitamin D (we need much more than the vitamin pills contain and most doctors claim we need), but there are so many things that can cause it.

I understand your frustration about why these feelings are coming back. I've had relapses, too. Recently, in fact, when someone I was in love with wasn't attracted to me in the same way I was to him. It hurt a lot. I thought I was okay and felt good about myself, but that brought me crashing down again so I now know that I wasn't okay deep down. I've been using EFT to feel better. You might like to try it. You can download the e-book for free. http://www.emofree.com/

I like EFT a lot. I didn't used to believe these kinds of things could work, but they can. It's only one part of what a person can do to feel better because sometimes depression is so deep and the person is so hurt that they don't have the energy to try something new.

I have a friend who had an almost entirely flat chest and she's married to a fantastic guy who didn't care about that. She cared, but he didn't. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't do BE, but there are many very small chested women who have boyfriends and husbands. The problem is that you don't like the way that you look (I truly understand how you might be feeling because I've struggled too, even when people complimented me). I really hope that you will start to feel okay about how you look. It can take time, but it can get better.

Keep writing and other people can help. :)

The ideal thing is to feel better about yourself while you're doing BE. Depression is really hard on hormones. It could be that if your hormones improve with things you do for BE, your feelings will improve, too. :) The kind of depression and anxiety you're describing reminds me of how I used to feel. I wish I could give you a hug and make all of that go away so you'd feel good as you grew your boobs to the max! :) So, I give you an e-hug instead and hope that there is a way out for you that will work quickly.

Thanks for all your kind advice. I have not been diognised with Body dysmorphic disorder, but since finding out about it if i peel back all the layers this was probably the cause of my deppression a couple of years ago. I also feel now I have found out about this disorder it might of made it worse because now it actually has a 'label' to it, and think that might actually be perpetuating how i feel. I'm going to try to stop touching them to see if they've changed, (even when i'm in public toilets and no ones there i lift up my top to look at my breast in the mirror) and going to limit by self to looking on this board so much as i think its unhealthy for me and might also be perpetuating my image problem. I also self conscious of my chubby cheeks and have recently wasted hours looking for possible surgery on the internet- Which i probably would never have as this would mean people finding out& judging, in turn making me feel worse ( when i was at uni- there was a girl who had gotton breast implants and as we didn't know her name she was know as 'boob job'- i do not want to known as 'boob job' or the like)As i said before, i can't talk about this with anyone really as i feel i'd come across as a self obsessed narcissist. This is not the kind of person in my rational mind who i want to be, i don't want to be a drone to the image obsessed media ideal. really i just want to feel feminine and sexy. I'm going to see a cognitive behavioural counsiller next week and i will continue to take the pills.i really think i need to exorcise at least some of these demons before i think about a relationship,- who is going to put up with this crap?
Thanks again for finding the time to reply- its comforting to know others have experienced the same feelings as me.

Hi again!

Everything that you've decided to do sounds great. :) I drove people nuts with repeated questions like, "am I fat?" I had to stop looking at certain images and reading certain things, too. When I was healthier in my mind it wasn't a big deal to look at things anymore because the obsessive part wasn't active.

I wasn't diagnosed with body dysmorphia, but like you I read about it and it fit me. A really nice male friend of mine pointed it out as well.

It's interesting that people often don't realise that this kind of obsession with looks doesn't come from being vain in the 'I'm better than you' sense, it comes from feeling pretty damn bad about our looks. And so many 'beautiful' actresses and models have eating disorders and are insecure, too. I remember that when I was in highschool there was a girl who was very pretty and got lots of attention from guys. Guys would hand her their phone number on the street. One summer I went to the beach with her and another friend. She left early, and later I found out from my other friend that she left because she was jealous of the way that I looked in my bathing suit!? It was so strange that she felt that way when she was the one getting so much attention all of the time. Guys didn't hand me their phone numbers, etc., but she still felt that way.

The therapy sounds good! I'm using EFT and other things to work on my body image problems.

Sometimes I think I have had this body dysmorphia (in a mild form, not depressive). Actually I suspect it is more common than most people would think.