I just feel really heartbroken and would like some advice/opinions from impartial women...

I have been with this man for about 3 years, we have a one year old daughter together. When I was 5 months pregnant he cheated on me with his ex that he has another child with. My daughter now has a brother thats 4 months younger than her. I stayed with him and tried to get over it and accept this other child but we've had many problems with trust (obviously). He also repeatedly had many different girls and text messages in his phone, so I know he repeatedly cheated even though he denies this.
His mother knew what he had done well before me and when I found this out i was very upset and told her off. She said she didnt care about having a relationship with my daughter so we didnt speak for a year until this past sunday.

Things were getting better between me and my daughters father so we decided to go to his mothers for mothers day. When we got there, i noticed she had put a portrait of him and his ex right in the living room for me to see. I have no doubt she did this on purpose to hurt me. I stayed through and hid my emotions and when we left I told him I was not putting up with this and its over.

Im very hurt and confused and upset and depressed. But i just feel like he will never give me what i want and I cant stand his family or his ex or his kids for that matter.

Do you think I did the right thing by leaving? How can I get over this? I have so much resentment for him and his family for what they put me through and its eating me up. Sorry for the long post. Please help me, im so scared and confused and alone. I feel so bad for my baby, i did not want this for her....

Heres my 2 cents...it takes two to make a relationship. It is ovious that you are not that important to him as heartbreaking as that may seem. time will heal your heart and there will be a man who will love you and your daughter and love you and make you feel special, it is just not the guy your with and as long as you are with him you are not open to finding that right person, or them finding you and it usually happens when you don't expect it to. I was with a guy for 5 years and thought I would marry him in my early 20's...was heartbroken when he dumped me and married someone else 7 months later. It took me 2 years to get over that, but I am married to the best guy ever and he came out of nowhere, wasn't what I was looking for but he was so sweet I just fell in love with him. I look back now and I am glad I didn't marry my high school/college boyfriend. Hope this helps.

Sorry to hear about your heartbreak. If you wanna chat privately feel free to email me. I have also been through a lot relationship wise, so I feel like maybe I can help. I believe you did the right thing and yes it's going to be hard for you, but BE STRONG! You deserve someone that you can trust and that's going to love you and especially to have their family love and respect you too. It's easy for people to say "just move on." No, cry if you wanna, just to deal with your pain, let yourself get over it and heal. But then pick yourself up and know that you're a stronger person when you allow yourself to go through things and learn from your experiences. I'm a single mom, and no people don't usually ask for that, but you can do it. Your child will make you stronger than you've ever been. Think about it through their eyes. They need you to be strong. And you wouldn't want your child to see that behavior as an example of how to be in a relationship. You definitely did the right thing, and you were right to forgive and give him another chance, but you know in your heart that if you can't trust it's not worth it. And there's no need to keep fighting for that trust. That will stress you out, break you down, and make you crazy lol you have other things to worry about, you and your child's health and happiness. You will find someone who will be good for both of you. In the meantime, keep your head up, believe that you can do anything, and things will work out ok. I could go on & on, so I'll let it go at that for now :) write me anytime on here or my email if you wanna talk.

to begin with, i really want to commend you for being as strong as you are right now. and i want to say that i lack a lot of experience (im only 24) when it comes to the department of love but i wanted to give you some support.

from what i can see, you did do the right thing. a person can only change if he/she wants to. no one else can make changes for that person. if even after knowing it is killing you inside and eating you up, your daughter's father does not change, he is obviously not worth your tears or heartache. i dont know him personally so i cant vouch for his morals or heart. and i feel bad slandering him now if you have any sort of love for him, but im speaking purely from the perspective of a stranger, so bear with me :).

you arent getting any support from him or his family. so why should you have to put up with their shortcomings? why should you be stuck to clean up their mess?

do not feel guilty or badly for your children. they have a mother who loves them and will go to the ends of this earth to care for them. what more could children ask for than a parent to love them so? you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, because the only way youll be able to care for your children is to heal yourself. everything takes time, and all sugar-coated lies aside, some things leave scars in your heart and will never properly heal. but i think most people will agree, looking back on this one day, youll see that youre a better person and in a better place because of it.

i remember i was going through this "bad time" in my life. the first thing everyone said was "be strong." to tell you the truth, it didnt help much that they said that. i didnt want people to pity me or for me to pity myself, but having to be strong was the last thing i wanted to do. cry, cuss, punch your pillow, listen to the waves, eat some ice cream (no too much and preferably with soy to help with the NBE :D)... heal yourself the way you want to in your own time.

i hope that tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that, and every day that comes after that will be good to you. take care of yourself.

I really appreciate all of your responses, more than you guys know. This is the hardest thing ive ever dealt with and the past two years have been hell.
Im only 21 and this is my first child. The way this all happened I dont think i'll ever trust anyone again, im afraid to have other kids, even though I want another one one day.

Thank you Melissa, my email is anna_p@rogers.com
I really do appreciate all of your opinions, its good to know you guys agree I made the right decision, I keep second guessing myself.

I just want to stop caring about this, im so sick of hurting =(

As much as the situation is painful, you must do the right thing - leave, get it over, learn from the experience to become stronger and smarter. Realize that you deserve better and never again settle for less than you deserve. You don't have to put up with the treatment that you mother in law gave you, you should never hold your emotions in, but stand up for yourself. You managed it quite well by leaving and I really congratuolate you for that. It's normal that you are distressed and uncertain after living such an experience, but the important thing is that you did the right thing. To stay in such a relationship would be denial, irrational and a self-destructive act because it would anly bring you a very long suffering.
As painful as it is, the fact that he cheated on your repeatedly shows he probably didn't have much love or even respect for you (at least that's my opinion on love - if you love someone, you care about them, so hurting them like cheating is not an opption). The fact that he denied cheating, and even against strong evidence, shows that he's irresponsible, that he likes to take easy paths in life and actually expect everything to be easy, and not least that he's a coward too. The fact that he let his mother treat you the way she did also shows that.
You've probably heard about the rathwer widely spread psychological phenomeno called thr Oidip's complex, which is basically any sort of abnormal relationship between a mother and a son, like the mother's possesive attitude towards her son, her competitive hostile attitude to the son's female partner, and a man's submission to his mother's will over his partner's. The reason I'm mentioning it is that this phenomenon is really frequent and because of that percieved as almost normal in the nowdays' society, but in truth it's actually very messed up and I think we are good to be able to recognise it and stay away from people like that.
Anyway, know that you did the right thing, so you will be alright. The only other advice I'd give you is think very well about this experience – how did you end up with a guy like that anyway, did he show any ''warning signs'' of being untrustable, unreliable and emotionally immature in the early stages, etc. Learn to recognise these faults and never go for such men again, chose only someone who trats you with the most kindness, generosity, love and respect, like you deserve.

thank you Moon, what you said made a lot of sense and your right.
I plan on being very picky now, I will never let this happen to me again. Especially since I have to be an example to my little girl. Your post truly has given me a lot of strength (when I need it most) and I really really appreciate it

Hi Tianna,

I haven't read the other responses but if i'm repeating something that's been said by someone else already then please ignore that.

First of all I'm sorry you've been through this and I know how it's like to hurt over someone you care about, especially when you've done your best to make that person happy.. in my case it just made me furious as well because when u know you're worth so much more and the one you love turns around and hurts you like it was nothing, you know its time to move on because anytime anyone does anything they know would cause pain that's downright disrespectful towards u. So those type of a-holes can take that disrespect somewhere else.

Love is supposed to feel good, you shouldn't be hurt over and over again because if you are, then something is wrong. And it only needs to happen once. I know if any man laid his hand on me it would be over, there wouldn't be no time OR room for a second time. Same goes with cheating, he has to be amazing in every way for me to forgive him the first time and I must have gave him a reason to (i.e. never being there for him, not giving him sex often enough, being out all day and being distant), but if he jsut went out and cheated for no reason, then its a wrap. Lets say i do forgive him, and he does it the second time, he's out the door, because when a man cheats more than once it's no longer a spontaneous-didn't-think-twice type of mistake, it just reveals a serious underlying cause and most likely it's because he didn't have what he needed/wanted so he went and looked somewhere else. In which case you made the right choice because he may have loved you, he may have been in love with you once, but something changed within him and he decided that you was no longer his main focus.

The fact that he wasn't man enough to tell you that he had issues or that he wanted to see others, or even admitting to you what he had done makes him completely dishonest. If you can't trust someone, how can you be with them? or more importantly how can you love them? and a question worth thinking about is, how much did he love you?

The only reason why he decided to hide it from you is most likely because he still had some sort of love for you and that at the end of the day if the other girls decided to not deal with him no more he would still have you to come home to or that he decided to be selfish and (if u've seen the movie "why did i get married") go for the 10% although he had a 90% at home. And that makes him selfish as well.

A question worth asking urself is, how much is too much? And when is it enough? Many people choose to ignore red flags in relationships, which is the worst mistake because red flags is an indication of personality flaws and some and more serious than others. red flags add up and years later u'll be at a crossroad and look back and think "damn, i should've known". people dont really just out of nowhere turn into monsters, there are always red flags in the beginning that will show the top of the problem pyramid, and they're so small that u have to really pay attention and NOT dismiss it in order to address it and catch it early on.

No matter what comes your way, you will always have to make a decision and when it you get a clouded vision and can no longer clearly see what the ''righter'' thing to do is, just follow your instincts... do whatever feels good in your soul.

So although he's hurt you, he gave you the best gift on earth, and that's a beautiful daughter ;-), so run with it and don't turn back, live ur dreams even though u have a kid and find someone who is WORTH your itme and someone who will treat you like a queen because you sound like a beautiful, gifted and smart lady. Don't even dumb urself down to someone's level, let them come up to your level and if they can't, wave ur pretty and and say ''good bye!"

Hey, Tianna. Sorry about what happened to you. Good thing you finally got rid of him and his mom! If you're devastated, go ahead and cry if it makes you feel better. But I tell you, they don't deserve your tears. And I think it would be good if you do not give him any hints about how hurt you are. The best revenge is living well. And if this creep sees you happy without him, he'll wonder why you aren't like the other girls who can't live without him. And he'll think, "Hey, why doesn't she seem to need me anymore? It's only been a while..." I know a lot of cases when the girl seemed to get over the guy really fast and the guy starts to wonder why he ever let her go. But if he ever does want to go back to you, think twice about accepting him again. Loyalty and fidelity are NOT privileges - they are RIGHTS! They are necessary for a relationship to flourish. Once trust is broken, it's hard to mend it. The best of luck to you. Be strong!

Its weird though, because I truly never suspected for a second he would cheat. I thought things were great. We were together all the time, we literally never fought. I think that he saw an opportunity, and he took it. I really hate him.

Thanks ladies, you are helping keep me strong in my weak moments of thinking maybe I made a mistake by leaving. I really do appreciate all your help

Lena your right, I havent been texting him or anything and he keeps calling and trying to talk. I dont answer the phone. But I knew he wouldnt be like this if I were trying to talk to him. Its because he sees I dont want him so now he wants me more. Hes such a child

I haven't read any other responses just going on what I feel it right.

First of U GO GIRL for being so strong and doing what you feel is right :p Right now must be very hard but time will heal the pain or atleast make it easier to cope with. Being from a family where my father cheated on my mother over and over and over I saw her go through a lot of emotional pain and have even been blamed for some of his mistakes. After all of this I have realized that it takes TWO people two to make a relationship work. U obliviously were the only one working through this. He has to want to change and since he was the one that was unfaithful needs to realize that he must go above and beyond to prove that u are the one for him. If he is not willing to do this then it is not worth. Councilor, church spending 15hours week of uninterrupted together, whatever you feel is efficient. My mother is a member of marriage builders which you may find very helpful.(www.marriagebuilders.com). She has talked a lot about it to me. One thing that I always found interesting was something called a "lovebank" both partners need to make deposits into the account and work together to build a relationship. Anyways, the site has really helped her through all of her hard times. His mother must be a evil b*@ch to go so far out of her way to hurt you.

The worst part is your daughter, I really hope that time will bring him to realize his mistake and at the least make up for the pain he is going to cause her.

I strongly encourage you to check out marriagebuilders. Google it if the website isn't what I put in the message.

Oh yeah, my parents are still together after separating a few times and my dad cheating on her since I can remember. However he has realized him mistakes, learned what the hell boundaries are and has a made a very strong effort to show my mother how important she is. My mother amazes me how she has stayed with him through all of this, she says she couldn't imagine her grandchildren not being able to see both granparent at the same time. They have been together for over 35 yrs. now. and today they are the happiest they have ever been. Sometimes they look like they just got together. they go on dates laugh together, very romantic, it is truly amazing the change that my father has made and his efforts to change his mistakes. THERE IS HOPE for the relationship if he is willing and patient.

I don't know if this was helpful at all but I really think that talking with others that are going through the same thing will encourage you to do what you feel is right. I hope you go to marriage builders, as it has really helped my mother. she is still on a member and always wants to help others through the pain. I can get you in contact with her if you'd like. She is amazing and very straightforward and honest.

I will pray for you and your daughter and that your heart will heal with time.

Good for you and serves him right. One never realizes the value of what one lost until it is, well, lost. Have fun giving him a hard time! LOL!

Tinacker, Thank you for that site. I truly wish I had found it sooner. Unfortunately, I dont think theres any hope for us. I still have love for him, but this isnt what I want. Im disgusted by him. But thank you, I really appreciate your response, and marriage builders is a great site, ive already found some comfort there.

Lena LMAO, I will be giving him a hard time HAHA!!!!

No problem Im glad that if helped you out. There are people in there that stay and don't stay with their partners but they all are going through the same thing and help one another out every step of the way. Good luck