Hmmm... For the first few months, I spent SO much time being mad at him and making things ugly that I didn't heal. I was still projecting energy onto the situation. I dated. Both, bad moves.
Then, I found a great therapist and learned how to really handle the situation. I journaled a lot. I mean, A LOT. I sometimes wrote 7 or 8 pages a day. Re-reading them helped - to see how far I'd come. I asked for help from my friends and family and LET them help. Slowly, I realized that I was walking away, relatively healthly - and he was still (and IS still) carrying so much baggage from past relationships.
It took me a long time to get used to being alone and being content in my own skin, that was the hardest part. I spent a lot of time on the phone and online, just trying to make a connection with someone so I didn't feel completely alone. As it stands now, I like being alone. I like changing things to suit ME (redecorating - that kind of thing). I took a trip to California and had the time of my life. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones that my ex wouldn't have taken the time to get to know.
I took foster parenting classes and got my license last month - so maybe I will share my life with a child who needs me.
It's a journey, it really is. A year ago, I was so mad and hung up on WHY he hurt me... This year, I know there was nothing - abolutely NOTHING I could have done to change the outcome of my marriage.
In September, I met a really sweet guy and have been dating him since then. He could NOT be any more opposite of my ex. He is divorced too (from a cheater who never came clean), so we have more respect for this relationship and eachother. He thinks infidelity is like the LOWEST thing a person could do, and I agree.
I had to let go. I let go of all the "what if?" things. I think I've actually forgiven my ex. He wasn't laying awake worrying about it, I was, so that was more for me than him. I'm not mad at him anymore. Again, he never cared so that was another thing I did for me.
Just focus on one day at a time - change what you can - give your energy to what needs it first, THAT DAY and let the other stuff fall into place. Don't be too hard on yourself and know that you'll have some bad days along the way... but don't lose hope.
I think you're doing great. You're making steps in the right direction, for sure!
This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot