Sigh, well, tomorrow ex remarries. My kids will be going with him to the wedding after we celebrate my daughter's and my dad's birthdays (they are both on Sunday but my dad leaves for out of town and the kids leave for a month with their dad). Even though I am soooooooo happy to be rid of the jerk, part of me is sadden that he has moved on so quickly. I'm trying to be happy for them and not be jealous of the fact that they are getting married. It's not like I want him back but I just want to have someone truly love me "til death do us part" and I don't know if I will ever have that again. I am dating a truly wonderful man, I would marry him in a heartbeat if he asked me but I don't really know how he feels about us. I know we've jokingly talked about marrying each other in the future, but it is all in jest. He has told me that he feels that I have invested more emotion and myself into this relationship than he has been willing to commit to it himself. That worries me. He tells me that there isn't anyone else he would want to be with and even downplays the fact that he is attractive (as he was a real a$$ in high school and college and wasn't very well liked) and that there are many women who would LOVE to have a man treat her like a queen. I just am feeling insecure at times because of all the times that ex made me feel worthless, that taking care of the house and the kids was the ONLY job I would ever have. I'm sorry for rambling, I'm having a difficult time explaining how I am feeling right now. I know how I feel in my heart and head but to say it verbally or through writing, it isn't coming out the right way. I think it's better if I just stop now. LOL
Thank you for sharing - I felt sad for you but also a bit warm to feel the honest true reality in your heart - I believe that we have a way of healing ourselves from something deep down inside and I feel you will find the healing and the love you need.
All my friends who have divorced have hurt when XH remarried.. and your wants are not too much,,, we all want to be loved..
Your XH own's the actions that caused you to feel insecure.. don't keep buying into his line of thinking.
as for the new man in your life...enjoy the time with him..it is nice to feel like a queen.. he isn't ready to commit to you and that is OK.. he has baggage that he needs to sort thru too ..a year from now would be the time to think I want more..marriage but right now you are still getting to know him,
I think Dr Laura says wait 18 months..(recalling from her radio show) before you are ready to remarry.
Have a good birthday party and your kids with be fine.. they can always call you.
((((hugs))))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
Thanks for the responses. Pat, you're right, I'm not interested in marrying right now, though I just miss the intimacy that marriage can bring. As for my guy, he is not ready to remarry either, as he had a very bad marriage (his ex-wife is 11 years older than him). So, we're taking it slow but the impatient person in me wants things to move more quickly. LOL LOL As for ex, it just bothers me knowing that he has NO problem jumping out of our disasterous marriage into another one. Again, I'm at a loss for words on how to explain, other than I feel like by remarrying so soon after our divorce, that to him our marriage meant absolutely nothing. Does this make sense????
My poor little girl is not doing well. She didn't eat her breakfast (we went out) and didn't even have any of her cake. I know she is very upset with this weekend and is dreading leaving me tomorrow. I wished that I could make this easier for her, but I can't. Hate to see my children suffering.
Anyway, thank you for the encouragement. I'm glad that someone understands what I'm going through right now.
You may not want your ex back, but of course it hurts that he seems to be so unaffected that he could move away from you and on from one woman to the next and so easily and quickly remarry.
"Out of the frying pan and into the fire!"
I'm sure, too, that part of the problem is the anxiety you are feeling about being separated from your kids for a month. You'll be OK. I know it will hurt, but I also know how much you love your children and that you won't do anything to hurt them or burden them. You will let them know that you'll love them and miss them but you'll be ok, and so will they.
Find lots of fun things to do. Spend some time with friends. Check out movies and books from your library. Do some gardening. Go on walks. Experiment with new recipes. Change your hair color. Have a manicure party. Make lots of smoothies. Lose five pounds. Gain 'em back! Clean out your closet. Get rid of junk. Help a friend. Go to the zoo. Go to a museum.
Be happy because every day that goes by means one day closer to having your sweethearts back home.
Thanks for your encouraging fairy hugs. I'm going to really need them. I was going to see my guy tomorrow after I dropped the kids off but ex has been a jackass and changed his plans from our original agreement, therefore making me have to cancel with my guy. I have a commitment to my mom to watch my Grandmother, as my dad will be gone this next week. He is inconsiderate and obtuse, the bastard!!! He's selfish and doesn't care a damn about anyone else but himself. Sigh.....I really needed that time with my guy because I know I'm going to fall apart tomorrow after they leave. I have plans to clean up the house and get rid of 15 years' worth of marriage junk. I will have enough things to keep me occupied, while in the evenings trying to see my guy as much as he wants to see me. I don't want to overburden him either. He has Friday night Boys' night and I encourage him to go, he appreciates me supporting him in this, as his ex-wife used to b*tch at him for going out. The guy makes nearly a 6 digit figure and he doesn't have the right to go and be with friends???? And whenever he has the chance to see his children, I always encourage him to do so, despite any plans that we have maybe made. He is sooooooooo supportive of me and being a mother, I can't do any less for him.
Well, the wedding is over, they're officially married. I "crashed" the reception dinner, as my oldest son wanted to leave as soon as possible, so I traveled up there to pick the kids up. His family was there and they pretty much snubbed me. I felt very awkward but I was polite to all who spoke to me, without being nasty or making a scene, despite him being an *******. He will find out what his actions today cost him tomorrow. Because he has changed the plans, I won't be able to take the kids down to him, he will have to pick them up because of my prior commitment. The time for the switchover has jumped by two hours later and bumps me against the time I promised my mom. That is IF he gets down to Columbus by 2:00 like he said. He told me to "call" him before I came down, I let it pass as I wasn't going to make a scene at the reception but he is in for a RUDE awakening tomorrow. Oh, yeah, he was pissy to me this morning when he called to let me know that his parents were 10 minutes out from picking the kids up. My oldest wasn't home yet, as my parents had a few things to do before 11:00. My mom knew she needed to be home before 11:00 and that she wouldn't disrespect Dave. Well, he decided to send his parents earlier than the agreed pick up time and when I told him that they would have to wait, he got nasty with me. I have busted my ASS for him and helping make this a smooth weekend for him. He is so ungrateful, but I can guarantee you that I am NOT going to forget this weekend and all that I did and that the next time he wants to throw a pissy fit at me for wanting to change things around, that I will REMIND him of what I have done for him. I didn't have to be generous and do all that I have for him, no ex-wife would do what I have done, but I did it to make it easier on my kids, as they would be getting home very late each night and thereby making them very tired and grumpy.
Grr......I'm just pissed. I know I shouldn't give a f*** but FOR ONCE I'd like to see some gratitude. He doesn't know all the times I BITE my tongue when I have every right to go postal on him. Sadly, I think that this will be the way it is for the rest of my life. My ex-mother-in-law was very nasty to me today, I made a comment about how I don't know how I will do without the kids and her retort was, "well, you'll have to get used to the way it's going to be". The woman is an IDIOT and doesn't THINK before she SPEAKS. Her brain is slow and doesn't catch up to her mouth before she spits some stupid, insensitive crap out. I could easily threaten her (as my daughter is the ONLY female born into the family). Her other ex-daughter-in-law used to blackmail them both by saying that if they didn't do what she wanted, she would keep her sons away from them. I KNOW that my ex-in-laws would die if I kept their only granddaughter away from them. HOWEVER, I don't play that way, no matter how tempted I am.
Sorry for the ramblings.....just need to get this out of my system.
How about this--you can be polite AND firm, assertive NOT aggressive when dealing with X and his parents. You are well within your rights to say NO if he changes his plans without consulting you. For instance, when he told you his parents would come prior to the agreed upon time, you could have told him that you would not be available until the agreed upon time. Period. If he became rude, you could just tell him his behavior was unacceptable and you were going to hang up.
You tolerated his behavior before because you were his wife. You no longer are, so you no longer have to tolerate his GARBAGE. So don't!
His new wife is in for a HUGE surprise, isn't she? I would kind of like to be a little fairy on the wall at their house in say, oh, six months or so. Tee Hee.
Encouraging fairy hugs and have fun throwing out his leftover garbage. Enjoy the tossing!
I wished I could send you to be a fairyfly on the wall and see him in six months with new wife. LOL LOL I liked that image. I can just imagine you waving your little fairy wand and doing some pretty nasty things to him. My mom tells me that I let him get to me, I suppose she is right. I just have to learn to ignore his idiocy and concentrate on the important things---me and the kids. Not an easy lesson to learn and I know it will take me a while to learn it. Hopefully I will learn it SOON as I don't like to lose my temper in front of him and give him the satisfaction of him knowing he pissed me off. Anyway, his immediate family snubbed me (his older brother, sister-in-law, nephews) but his mother's sisters and brother-in-law talked to me. I always liked Mary and Phil. My ex-FIL was his usual pompous arrogant self. He got lost trying to find the house and so my mom and I tried to be helpful and get him out of our neighborhood but he kept insisting that he was going to get out the same way he came in, which was going in the wrong direction. Whatever, he is an arrogant SOB and I'm soooooooo glad that I'm rid of him. As for ex-MIL, she's just plain stupid, there's nothing more I can say about that.
Well, I'm going to try to go to sleep, haha, but I know I won't sleep well at all.
DH
Addendum: I ended up only sleeping for 1.5 hours.
This message has been edited by DesperateHousewife72 on Jun 9, 2008 12:58 AM
I know she is very upset with this weekend and is dreading leaving me tomorrow. I wished that I could make this easier for her, but I can't. Hate to see my children suffering.