We talk a lot about growth when we experience life's traumas, such as infidelity, divorce, a death, and so on. Anything that "rocks our world" has the potential to change us in little ways, or profound ways. The more you traumatic for us, the more you grow. Maybe that's why they call it "growing pains", lol. Or "what doesnt kill us makes us stronger". Not sure about that one, lol. Personally, I have felt dead. I find I do not feel the same about people or life in general as I once did. Some of that is a good thing, some of it not so good in my eyes. But I do know it is 100% necessary for growth! I do have to say that I now know why some people stay in a marriage that is unhealthy or accept unacceptable behavior because the alternative is too painful to bear....being alone! I am not judging anyone. We all do what we feel we need to do. Being alone has not been easy....it has been emotionally difficult...more than I thought it ever would be to tell you the truth. I also thought meeting someone else wouldnt be so hard, but it is! I thought if my ex could pick up that easy why cant I? Well, I have standards and I am not going to settle. Perhaps that is the difference, lol. I dont really know. I have been alone for 2 years at the end of this month...and it seems this is the way its going to be for a long, long time! Anyway, the separation marks the begining of the 2nd half of my journey...this is when I began to grow...when I began to heal. I still yern to have someone special in my life, but do not want someone to be my life. I accept that I made mistakes...that I gave away too much of myself so that I didnt have to be alone, but I ended up alone anyways...what we fear we create. I am starting to get out of my anger phase, lol. Well, really it comes and goes. But less and less these days. A wise man once told me that one day I will be grateful to my ex for walking out. I thought he was crazy! But now I am begining to understand what he meant.... more and more I am begining to appreciate the good things that I do have in my life instead of dwelling on what I have lost. I have begun to let it all go... and I am happier... happier with me and the choices that I have made... being alone is a consequence of that but the truth is I was always alone, even before the seperation... I just didn't know it. Finally, I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and what "he" did to me... my life is my own, I have taken it back and accepted responsibility for it and I have grown because of it...
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
This message has been edited by SoCalGal on Oct 8, 2009 1:39 AM
Hi Cal - This is an occasional visit as I have been very tied up with my life - And I was hoping to find you here and catch up - Also others like Kid - I just want to say that I think that you are doing just fine - I know how good a woman you are - I just know I can't be alone and there will be a man to find you.
may you be safe and well, contented and happy
PS: I know that lonely bit as well - How I just long to have someone "there" who looks at me and just knows - You know - It is not something I can describe but, someone who knows and cares - I guess it is just being human isn't it
Cal,
I too am just two years "alone".... but like you had felt alone even when I was still in my marriage. The processes that you and I are going through is, I think, similar to many people who go through separation or divorce. Unlike our xHs who just jumped right into a new relationship, we went, and to some extent, are still going through a period of pain or grieving for what we thought our lives should have been... our relationships should have been. Through this painful period our thought processes are being wrenched out of their former paths of "what's supposed to be" or "what we thought it was" into new untried channels of thought. The feelings involved in this are both exhilaration and fear, boldness and tentativeness, in other words, we are growing, exploring, finding ourselves again.
It is difficult to find someone to love again.... it is sometimes almost a miracle when it does happen. However, I think you are correct in saying you won't settle... you shouldn't settle. You have to find a person who is really intuned to you, who you are. They will give you the feeling that you are the most wonderful gift to their lives. When you have that, it just makes all the rest follow so easily.
Cal, your life is your creation and what you do with it will be an expression of who you really are... Have fun discovering what it is that you really are!
Wishing you lots of love in your life and happiness.
Diane
Thank you Diane for your kind words and encouragement. Tonight I am feeling more lonely than ever. I do hope that oneday that will not be so and that all of this was worth it in the end.
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
