G'day all I just found this site, so sorru for the long post as I am very frustrated and deepressed. Here is the story in January I found a text on my wife's cell phone. It read please talk to me. I had asked my wife what it was about, she replied with its an old friend from college and we just started emailing again and got back in touch, being me I believed. I was upset that it was the first time I have heard about this person. (I later found out that this person she met through the adopt a soldier program) Fast forward to early April I look at her laptop and find a whole bunch of guys names that she was searching for in facebook, google and yahoo. I ask my wife about and she says its nothing to be worried about. Fast forward to early May wife left her email open I find that she has been emailing guys, skyping sending photos of herself semi naked and telling guys that she loved them and wife was having online sex with upto 20 guys. She even gave them her cell phone number and work phone. I was very angry I confront her about it and she tells me it has stopped. She was mad at me because I found the pictures that she had taken of herself and she said they were for me for my birthday. But I said to her why were they send to all theses other guys. She stormed away angry. I was irrational and angry I said stuff that I regret. Fast ward to late May I found out that she was still emailing and having online sex with the guys that she told me had stopped. But my question to her was why was she telling all these guys she was in the middle of a divorce or she was seperated before I even found out stuff was happening. I was angry and upset but most of all I was hurt. It has affected my work and I have lost weight and appetite. Now we are seperated and she has said its because I cant control my temper and I am being a mr hyde and dr jeckyll. I am seeing a counselor and it has helped. Wife and have spoken and she said she wants a divorce, we are currently seperated, me living in the basement. She is still talking to her soldier friend even after I asked her to stop.

Hi H,

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. Your wife is in her own lalaland.. selfish actions.. it is all about her and has nothing to do with you.. it is not your fault.. and don't accept any blame for her actions..

there are some great books to read. Reasourses.... look at the helpful links on the left side of the page.. Dear Peggy is a great ..

You might find that posting on the Healing Heart message board is helpful and reading some of the past posts may help you.... this site Single Healing is sometime very quiet.. ..

take care of yourself..


Pat



"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

Hi H,

Pat has given you some good advice. You can't change your wife, your not responsible in anyway for what she did to you. I am glad that you are seeing a counselor, as their is no pain, except for the death of a loved one, than to be betrayed. I know, it happened to me 27 yrs. ago and I'm still having effects from it, as I stayed and didn't leave. That has nothing to do with you, except that your wife is surely not remorseful and wants to continue the life she is living.

You need to do whatever you can to keep yourself stable, so take care of yourself and it sure isn't easy. You are going to be in for a rough time, so just know that ahead of time so that you can be prepared.

Read the books that are suggested on the side, like Pat mentioned. Also do come to this site and post your feelings. Everyone is here to help you, believe me. The Single Healing does seem to be more quiet, you might want to check out the Open Board and the Healing Heart for advice, especially the first one.

Best of luck to you, I'm sorry you are going through this pain, I can relate and I know how much it hurts to be betrayed and still does.

Hugs and Blessings,

Linda
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