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Requesting some words of wisdom from those who've unfortunately experienced infidelity

December 31 2009 at 12:10 AM
Mindy Hanna  (Login minjamn)

Hello everyone! I am a newbie (so to say) to this situation and to this site. However, I am very excited to be able to speak with other people who have been in the same situation as I have as I have no idea what I am doing or not doing or should be doing.

I will start out with my story. My husband and I have been married for 6 years but have been together for 8. Together, we have 3 children. The oldest is his stepdaughter and then we have two girls together. We were having some minor issues but for the most part, I really did believe that we had a good marriage. Then one day online on Facebook, I received an anonymous message about Ben and how he was having an affair with not only one woman but two women. The first affair had started when I was 6 months prego with his youngest daughter and both affairs went on for a total of 1 1/2 years before this email with the last time being that he had had sex with either one of them was the week before.

Ofcourse at first he denied it and denied it until I did some research and looked up cell phone records, etc. Then he finally admitted to it all! The woman that he had the relationship the longest with was actually a friend of mine and while they at least didn't have any sex in my house they did in our shop in the back yard while me and the kids were home (for her birthday)! The other woman, I actually had went to school with some years ago so she had known me but we had quit talking once school was over! The problem is we live in a small town and those girls both live 6-10 minutes away from us. He states that while this went on for such a long period of time, that the sex only happened a few times with each of the women.

Anyways the moment of discovery was five months ago. I come from a broken home and really don't want to put my kids thru that too. So I am really trying to stay here and work thru things. We did go to many many counseling sessions and then were released and told we could come back for booster sessions whenever needed. I am on an antidepressant and antianxiety meds as that is the only way that I can seem to function. I am now just having a really hard time moving forward. I am someone who does hold a huge grudge against people when they have hurt me and this is the hugest hurt that I have felt. My husband keeps making comments about how "Its been five months and I would think that you would trust me a little" or if I say anything "We have been over this again and again and this keeps just getting thrown in my face". I had a dream that he cheated again and fathered a child. When I told him this, his response was "Even in your dreams you can't let it go". I just am so confused and still hurt and at this point really ready to just throw my hands up in the air, tell him its over and walk away! I love him so much but I just can't take how he keeps making these comments when its his fault in the first place that we are even here in this situation.

Any words of wisdom or help that you can give will be greatly appreciated. I really feel like I just need someone to be able to talk to that has been thru this, who knows how it feels, etc.

Thank you for your time and for anyone who responds!

 Respond to this message   
Response TitleAuthorDate
 Re: Requesting some words of wisdom from those who've unfortunately experienced infidelityAngelaDec 31, 2009, 9:00 AM
  Thanks for respondingMindyDec 31, 2009, 2:16 PM
 Re: Requesting some words of wisdom from those who've unfortunately experienced infidelityAngelaJan 1, 2010, 9:52 AM
  Thanks Angela for taking the time!MindyJan 1, 2010, 10:29 PM
 Wishing you peaceAnonymousNov 24, 2012, 3:23 PM
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