There are a few things I need to get off my chest. Since you have decided to hang around with my husbands friends, and there is a chance we could run into one another. I thought I should write to you. If we were to talk about this in person, I feel the out come could be tragic in one way or another for both of us.
Last time I saw you (New years eve), my 8 year old son was with me. You said something really stupid to him. My son is still very hurt and doesn't understand things the way your convoluted mind does and neither do I.
See in M's eyes it wasn't Daddy, it was you and L that did it, that tore apart his family and wrecked his world. You blamed his father as if you were innocent in all of this. You f'd with my family, as a mother you should understand, that was a f'd up thing to do.
My son cried his eyes out for his father for days while r went to "clear his head". In M's mind "L and K took my daddy away from me" I didn't tell him different, he was too upset and I wanted him to stop saying that his father left him. Quote from M "Why did daddy leave me?" You can't imagine what M and I went through. Not that your cold heart would care. The questions, insecurities, my poor son's heart was broken and I tried so hard to console him. But he wanted "Daddy".
Finally I had to tell him that dad just made a bad choice. M hated you. Realistically, even though he would say this, I after a while had to say to him that he may feel differently one day and that was ok.
Hopefully as a mother you will understand what I have to say- Don't ever talk to my son and bad mouth his father, I tried not to and you have no right, he doesn't understand. If in that situation again, I would appreciate it if you re direct his questions to either r or I, his parents.
After we left that night you still dared to proposition his father, my husband. What part of r telling you he is not interested don't you understand? And you said I had to worry about the other women that were there, Hell I wasn't even worried about you.
Anyway, days before r left we were happy to be together. Of course we had some problems to straighten out but thats a given. R was telling me he loved me, would never leave as well as other things. I also got to know quite a bit about you and you and R together. see I needed to know everything even if it hurt.
So there I was a wife trying to deal with my husbands actions and hateful things he did and said to me. On top of that I had four people, two who claimed to be his friends, one I didn't even know at all, and his ex-girlfriend harrassing us. So instead of getting over it so to speak, we fought. I got mad. R couldn't handle my being so hurt and angry, he thought I wouldn't get over it and left. If you had done the adult thing and left him alone we would have been fine, eventually.
What I am trying to say to you is that you had everything to do with this. YOU did something wrong, you dated a married man, you found out he was still involved with his wife and you still persisted. Even when he tried to say good-bye to you over at L's. You even persisted when he moved back in with his family.
How do you think it was for my family (who I would kill for) to get phone calls from you and L and whoever you put up to calling us at all hours of the night?
You got what you wanted, chaos in my family. Yes, I do hold things against you and always will. Over Mar's, I don't want to talk to you, be friendly. You are just an annoyance to me and r at this point.
Phone calls etc... you made us argue at that point. You helped to break my son's heart. I can handle it, he can't. He doesn't understand. You said to me once that you cared about my son.
Then why did you help to put his family/parents through hell? You can believe this, I would have made sure he never forgot about the fights he witnessed when you would call. The harrassment, no he would have always hated you.
R, after he left came back a few days later. He expressed regrets. Big hickey on his neck. I decided to see how serious he was about you. We went to bed. Guess what - he was the liar, not me. I didn't want him home at that point, I was just trying to prove a point.
When I reduced the RO, R fairly early on told me he thought he made a mistake, he would tell me this when he would visit with M at the park. I didn't even want to talk to him at that point but had no choice. R has always expressed towards me regret for his actions and choices he made. He has always told me he wanted to be with me, will always love me, I'll always be his wife even after the divorce. Yes,
when he was with you, he told me these things.
Believe me I hold R the most responsible for his actions. That's why we don't live together. It will take some time before I can truly trust him again.
You should have backed off when you saw me for the first time. You knew something was between R and I still. He told me you had only a few dates at that point and it was basically nothing to him. Backing off would have been the moral thing for you to do. Instead you played with a very vulnerable family, you took advantage.
When r decided to be with you, did I bother you? On the contrary, I made it so r couldn't ping-pong back and forth between us any longer. I'd had it.
R never respected the restraining order, he talked about us, while seeing M. (not supposed to)Then when he couldn't come near me at all (his mom was supposed to get M) he did anyway.
With R and I , one thing led to another and..... It wasn't J you had to worry about, nice girl I like her. It wasn't J he was screwing. It was me all along, since the middle of OCT. I'll admit, I'm not normally a cheater but R finally broke through my resistance and I ended up having an affair with my own husband.
You know the day you picked him up, he had pics of M? Ya, R and I before that in his mothers room, and it wasn't the first time.
I told him not to break up with you because of me. I thought he needed to see if you were for him. I of course didn't respect the relationship you two had so I figured I'd just have some fun. You didn't respect my relationship with him or our family. Why should I respect you?
I am and was also pissed at you because you helped to destroy a family and you treated the man like SH*T!! How dare you go after a family man with a child to play with him?
I figured if I let him go he would at least have someone treat him nice, even better than I did. I won't even tell you what he thinks of you now. He's told me a lot of things about you.
I found out that you have been trying to get him to go with you. Calling, leaving messages, asking him to go to a bar with you, hanging (or trying to) all over him, propositioning him, flirting at Mar's.
You need to knock the sh%t off. He doesn't want you, he knows you are not his type. His type isn't a player at a bar or a woman who sleeps with his friends. Thanks K, you made me look like a saint.
Don't ever let me catch you all over him.
I understand you prefer married men, sleaze.
so find someone elses husband to f$%k, this one is no longer available for you.
Even if we weren't together, he wouldn't want you. He might f$%k you if he was horny, like his friends and all the guys at the bar do, but he will never be serious about you.
He found out on his own that you are not what he wants. You really should, for your own good, stop and get over it. Get a life. Respect his wishes and respect his family. And on top of that reserve some self respect for yourself. And stay off the crack, nothing good will come of that.
Sincerely,
S
PS. You need closure, call me anytime. But leave R alone he has had enough of your antics.
I understand your emotions, and the reason you felt you needed to write this letter.
However, my question is, why are you wasting time, emotion and energy on someone who is CLEARLY not worth it? Why even bother to validate the fact that this person even exists?
Venting is fine, but I wouldn't send the letter. Take it and burn it, along with anything else (notes, cards, etc.) that's a reminder of her. Have a burning party with your H, as a way to seal the deal of committing to recovery....
Also, its a bit long, short and to the point is better if you must do anything.
I have to admit, though, that I got revenge on my H's lover but not in the form of writing a letter. They say its not good to get revenge, but it jolly well felt good at the time, and it still does, 3 years down the line! But it was entirely different. See, she had a boyfriend (or 2 or 3) along with my husband, and eventually dumped my husband for boyfriend number one. So, after I'd found out a few real truths, I made a little phone call to boyfriend number one, you know, friendly enough, just thought he'd like to be put in the picture about one or two FACTS. I guessed she'd been lying to him because of his behaviour towards my H - blaming it all on him for 'seducing' her. So I just told him one itsy bitsy little thing - that it started with a one night stand. He hung up on me. BUT!! He dumped her!!
So now she knows all about how it feels to have your heart broken. Shame, eh? Poor girl. My heart bleeds.
Love Sandy xxxx
That letter was sent about a month ago.
I wouldn't have written the letter, but she basically started hanging out with my husbands friends. Maybe to catch him on an off moment? To cause trouble between us? I don't know... He started to feel like he couldn't go see someone he knew for 20 years cause of her unless I was with him. And of course she would snicker and make comments, towards him, she's nasty. She did it less when I was there but I caught the little comments etc. She was also trying to be too friendly to me at some points, fake... (for ex... she said " I hold nothing against you")
We tried to get back together once and the harassment was just too much. I was a mess....
So..... needless to say I was sick of her trying to call him, see him etc.
She made comments to my son that were uncalled for... he saw first hand her harassment. So he vented to her one day, again because she was at my husbands friends house. And as soon as we left, (husband stayed) she was coming on to my husband..... nice. But he did tell me, all that she was doing including the phone calls.... like I said, I'd had it, enough was enough. Obviously if he wanted to be with her he would be, but he wasn't, he was trying to work on things with me.
I guess I was hoping to appeal to her in a way.
Of course I don't think that would really work because my husband told me most of her ex's are married. He found this out and he was shocked.
A letter might not have been the best way to go about things, but we haven't heard from her since. She talked to a mutual friend about it and was told that I just wanted her to stop being a fool.
