I am now having a hard time NOT wanting this to end. I'm crying alot cause I just want to start a new life w/o him. All I see is them together. I know now that he has taken her to places I wanted so desperately to go to and he wouldn't take me. I've read the love letters she wrote him and I will NEVER be able match up to her. I feel distant from him and I just don't think we will ever be able to have passion in our marriage because of this affair. Also I just found out yesterday that he was still talking to her as of FRIDAY. So, that is 15 days AFTER he confessed to his affair with her. He says he swears on our childrens lives it truely is over and he made a appt with our counselor. But, I don't believe he will stop talking to her and I know the memories of them having all those wonderful times together will linger. He will always look back and wish he was with her. I just feel dead inside when I'm with him. I feel so much happier when he isn't around. Will counseling help us? Do you think it's possible that he can replace old memories of them with new memories of us? I just don't see how this can work. I'm not sure if I even want it to. I just want to be happy, happy with someone who hasn't cheated and held on to another woman.
Jen, I know much of what you're feeling. I can't let go of my wife, I love her so much and I believe her when she says it's over. Still I know she sees him at work and is hanging onto this "we can be friends" stuff with him. What is their "friendship" like? It's painful for certain.
Somehow I feel that both of our partners need some closure of some sort with their others although it is hard to understand. Should they have that considering it is still emotional contact? I don't know what it's like to be them.
It is hard and we are both in the early days. This feeling of competition we have where we are the old toy and the others are the new toy. We have history of them knowing our faults and things that irritate them at times. They have nothing but that fantasy world where everything between them is like all new love. We can't compete.
I can't offer advice but maybe to know I'm listening can help. Hang in there, Jen.
I know what you're going through.... I got the 'I swear on my mothers life, your mothers life, Freckles life, my life' every flipping life, and it was all lies. And the sick thing is, you SO want to believe it!!
Loads of sympathy
xxxx
I am going to give you the advice that I was given by the seasoned vets around the old board, "Give it time." I hated hearing that all the time and I was SO sure nothing would change with time, but the fact is, it does.
You're a raw nerve right now. You probably don't know if you're coming or going. You probably question everything you ever believed. You might wonder how someone can say they love you but do something so horrific... or I at least I did all of the above. The first few weeks were pure hell. My STBXH continued his first affair for several months, off and on - all the while telling me he loved me and wanted to work it out. I don't think he EVER really got it.
Just know that the first few months are awful, but I promise, it gets better. Try not to make any rash decisions right now.
And puhhhhhhhhlease, don't compare yourself to HER. She wrote those letters to some fantasy man. Everything looks a little different when you LIVE with someone and see them day in, day out, not just for the fun stuff. I kept thinking that my H's OW must be some cute thing, young and wild. WELL. She most certainly was NOT - in fact, when I saw them together, I said, "EWW! At least you could have picked a CUTE one!"
Hang in there! Keep posting, there are so many of us who have been there, you'll find an amazing support network here.
Monica
This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot
I know. I broke down crying today whle talking to h. He wants to try and work things out and so I'm going to give it ONE last shot. I sure hope he's serious....
I really hope your H is serious about wanting to work it out. If a FWS is 100% willing to do the work it requires to rebuild the relationship and the BS are willing to give it a shot, then it can happen. And like everyone else said, it takes time. There will be highs and lows. Expect them and do not get too discouraged!
