I won't repeat the phone story between my W and I (read Going Crazy from a week or two ago). There are a few things that are just really bothering me.

1) She has lied and lied and lied! She never admitted to anything. I found all of it on my own. So how am I now supposed to believe that she isn't still involved with him?

2) She has NEVER really apologized for any of this. Is it too much to want her to say "I'm sorry" ???

3) She puts no effort into making sure that my needs are met. I come home from a long day at work and she barely even acknowledges that I'm home. I have always been very affectionate with her. Incredibly she says that the reason she turned to OM is that her emotional needs weren't being met. She does admit that I was trying to but that she had shut me out and wouldn't let me. I have never felt that she has met mine. I will admit, I am probably more needy in this area than most guys. I guess I've just always made excuses for her. At first it was that she had some baggage from a previous marriage, then it was something else, then something else. Starting to realize that nothing is going to change. It seems like since d-day, I've been the one working harder to make this marriage succeed and she has slipped back into the same routine. I give - she takes. That's all this marriage has ever been.

It just seems like one minute I love her and everythings okay, then the next I am thinking about all that's happened and I just hate her for it. I guess right now, I'm in the hate mode.

Can't help you, except to say you're not alone! I feel the same, love, hate (with a bit of friends and like thrown in for good measure) and I hope someone gives you a positive answer cos I'd like to know too.
Guess that's why we're all here, because we all know far too well that affairs cause SO much damage, in all kinds of ways. The emotions, well, I just never thought I had that many different emotions all muddled up inside my head.
You get nothing but love here, though.
Love (( ))
Sandy
xxxx

Scott, people here have told me it's a big rollercoaster ride and I have marvelled at the fact that it is. I guess it has to be to keep the struggle in perspective.

I think the "neediness", a term I have used often here, is common. I got a chance to discuss this with my wife just minutes ago. She asked if I was okay today and she said it seems sometimes like I'm still depressed about it. Heck it's only been 12 days since D-Day and we've made great progress, but it's still too early to not be effected. I honestly told her that it was because I still worried about what she was thinking about me and described my neediness for assurances. I told her that I knew she couldn't provide that constantly and that I will work that out. I fear being a pest or seeming to overcompensate.

It's tough and the fact that you found out, she hasn't accepted her responsibility for it, and lack of real assurances means your lows are going to be more intense. I think you need those things and deserve those things. Without them I don't know if you could ever stay in the relationship and ever get out of the emotional limbo you are in.

Take care and best wishes,

Mac