THIS IS AN ARTICLE I FOUND ONLINE: Is Depression in Men Different Than in Women?
In reality, depression affects both sexes, disrupting relationships and interfering with work and daily activities. The symptoms of depression are similar for both men and women, but they tend to be expressed differently. The most common symptoms of depression include low self-esteem; suicidal thoughts; loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities; fatigue; changes in appetite; sleep disturbances; apathy; and sexual problems, including reduced sex drive.
There are several reasons why the symptoms of depression in men are not commonly recognized:
Men tend to deny having problems because they are supposed to "be strong." American culture suggests that expressing emotion is largely a feminine trait. As a result, men who are depressed are more likely to talk about the physical symptoms of their depression, such as feeling tired, rather than those related to emotions. Depression can affect sexual desire and performance. Men often are unwilling to admit to problems with their sexuality -- mistakenly feeling that the problems are related to their manhood, when in fact they are caused by a medical problem such as depression. The observable symptoms of male depression are not as well understood as those in women. Men are less likely to show "typical" signs of depression, such as crying, sadness, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, or verbally expressing thoughts of suicide. Instead, men are more likely to keep their feelings hidden, but may become more irritable and aggressive. For these reasons, many men -- as well as doctors and other healthcare professionals -- fail to recognize the problem as depression. Some mental healthcare professionals suggest that if the symptoms of depression were expanded to include anger, blame, lashing out, and abuse of alcohol, more men might be diagnosed with depression and treated appropriately.
Depression in men can have devastating consequences. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that men in the U.S. are about four times more likely than women to commit suicide. A staggering 80% of all people who commit suicide in the U.S. are men. Though more women attempt suicide, more men are successful at actually ending their lives. This may be due to the fact that men tend to use more lethal methods of committing suicide, for example using a gun rather than taking an overdose.
Why is Depression Different in Men?
Understanding how men in our society are brought up to behave is particularly important in identifying and treating their depression. Depression in men often can be traced to cultural expectations. Men are supposed to be successful. They should restrain their emotions. They must be in control. These cultural expectations can mask some of the true symptoms of depression, forcing men to express aggression and anger (viewed as more acceptable "tough guy" behavior) instead.
In addition, men generally have a harder time dealing with the stigma of depression. They tend to deal with their symptoms with a macho attitude or by drinking alcohol. This attitude still pervades many male-dominated institutions, such as the military and athletics, where men are taught that "toughness" means putting up with physical pain and admitting to emotional distress is taboo. Rather than seek help, which means admitting to what they perceive as a weakness, men are more likely to deal with their depression by drinking heavily or committing suicide.
Special Consideration -- Bereavement
Men also tend to deal with the loss of a loved one differently than women. This may also be related to the their belief that men must be strong in the face of adversity, and that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Men tend to assume full responsibility for their bereavement and suppress their grief. Studies show that this suppression can increase the time it takes to grieve and lead to complications such as escalating anger, aggressiveness, and substance abuse. Physical symptoms may include increased cholesterol levels, ulcers, high blood pressure, and pain.
Because they feel unable to openly express their feelings, many men deal with grief by taking on more activities -- such as working overtime or going on business trips -- to occupy their time. They may become involved in risk-taking behavior, such as dangerous sports or compulsive sexual activity. Some addictive behaviors, such as alcohol or other drug abuse, can escalate as the result of suppressed grief.
Can Depression in Men Be Treated?
More than 80% of people with depression -- both men and women -- can be treated successfully with antidepressant medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both.
This message has been edited by pizzalady on Mar 7, 2007 3:06 PM
Here is the article you requested. Like I said on Healing, my H exhibits many symptoms but is not willing to admit it. The section on BEREAVEMENT was particular of my H. And today I saw the MC in my individual session and he confirmed that my H is depressed and that the depression is a main ingredient in many A's. I hope this helps.
I think me and my wife both knew that I was suffering from depression over the last year+ but this article sure makes me pretty sure that I was. And certainly it had gotten worse over this long, crappy winter. I believe it was these symptoms that caused my wife to then be in such a state as to stray from the marriage. Not justifying her affair, just the environment in which she was living that made her vulnerable.
I think the thing that the article left out is that it wasn't that I was denying the depression, but that I didn't really know that it was depression.
I was always tired, irritable, and uninterested in anything including sex. I did not do alcohol, not that I'm a tee-totaller, but I am a rare social drinker and never drink at home.
Thanks for your response. I knew for a long time my H was depressed. It started with the loss of his cousin.best friend about 7 years ago. He had a bad car accident about 5 1/2 years ago and it seemed to make the depression worse. H is also addicted to pot and although not a heavy drinker he does drink everyday. With the way my H treated me many people wonder why I am not the one who had an A or divorce him. I tell them "that's just not me". I could never do that.
I think for me it was the combination of all of my close friends moving away over time, my wife's shift at work, and the fact that while I love my children dearly, every day, day after day, has been about tending to their wants and needs. And man, do they want and need! It had come to the point where there just wasn't anything about me anymore. I sure do see it clearly now, but couldn't see that before this past month of tribulation. I have become a shell of a human being with nothing to look forward to and nothing to do.
I do think my first marriage broke up in part because we were both potheads. As much fun as it was, I quit smoking weed shortly thereafter simply because when I reflected on our relationship it seemed that all we shared was the pipe. Every once in awhile my kid sister might bring some on her visits and I would spend some time in the basement bathroom getting a buzz for old time's sake. But she's getting out of that now and that's great by me.
I do have one addiction that dominates my life and probably had as much to do with every problem as anything else and that is nicotine.
ooops, I realised I forgot to thank you, Carol, for posting this..so, thanks Carol, thank you for the MEN on this board present and future members who still struggle everyday...
See, guys.... we are thinking about you.... and care for your finding your 'place' again...
One distinction that's been lost lately is the difference between "situational" depression and "persistent" or "chemical" depression.
The first is relatively transient, it lasts only as long as the problem that causes it. For instance, if an entrepreneur's business hits a problem (short staff, decrease in business, fire, etc.), then he may exhibit signs of depression for a while but "snap out of it" when the triggering problem is resolved.
"Chemical" or clinical depression can arise out of the first type, or it can arise on its own. On the two occasions I have been seriously depressed for an extended period, it was a time of major life change or loss that took me quite a long time to work out.
There is no question that most men are raised (me included) to think that we ought to be able to handle whatever life throws us. For myself, the second time I was seriously depressed, I didn't recognize it until I was well on the upswing. (I only recognized the first episode at the end of the second, years later.)
Psychoanalyzing our spouses is a dangerous game. No matter how well we think we know them, we can NOT see inside their minds. My exwife often "diagnosed" me as "depressed" when the real issue was (still is) her own anxiety and the anger that arises from her inability to control everyone and everything around her. I have been depressed. I know what it feels like for me...and I was fond of telling her, "I know depression, and this ain't it."
Suspecting or speculating that someone may be depressed is different that diagnosing them and/or labeling them as such. Only someone in the medical profession can diagnose and treat depression. Many people do not even recognize that they are depressed and need help, but especially men. And many think that such a diagnosis is a stigma, when it is a medical condition and can be treated.
...and sometimes what looks like depression from the outside, isn't, and sometimes the person in question DOES know the difference. That's all I was trying to say, from my personal experience.
Since you have experience on your side you know the difference. Many people have no idea what is going on inside themselves and need help. For those who do know, that is great! But many either don't know why or don't understand why they feel the way they do and don't know why they are not feeling better in time. Since many affairs sprout from depression it is something to consider that a WS may be depressed...not that they are depressed, just that it's a possibility. The BS can become depressed too. No one is immune to depression. It can happen to even the happiest of people and they don't even know it...they don't recognize or think of themselves as being depressed.
My husband's cousin/best friend died about 7 years ago and my H lost one of the most important people in his life. Not only that, this was his first experience with death. No one close to him had died prior to that. He had no idea how to handle his grief and even today feels a profound loss for this person. Then shortly after that we lost a baby. I had a miscarriage at 21 weeks. It was not easy on him either. He didnt even cry or deal with it. He wouldn't grieve with me or support me at all during that time. His mother even had to take me to the hospital for a D&E, because the baby did not come out on her own. He would not take me! I really needed him and he ignored me...too busy working. I thought he was being cruel. I know men and women greive differently but he was actually callous about it all. Then we had another child and a few years later. A few weeks after he was born H got into an accident. He broke his collar bone and had 15 stitches in his head. He went to work THAT DAY! He was so detremined to not be injured even though he was...he denied taht he was hurt. He even refused medical attention at the scene of the accident. I told him he needed stictches and something was wrong with his shoulder. I had to convince him to let me take him to the emergency room. And when they told him he broke his collar bone and needed stitches he got angry! He worked through-out his recovery. All the while so very angry at everyone...at the world! He became very mean and very bitter. He pushed me and the kids away. The only time he talked to me was about "the goood times with his cousin" and how much he misses him. He then told me taht he felt nothing for no one, not even me or the kids. He detached from us and that's when he had the A. I really thought H was depressed. I did not accuse him, I just felt that what was happening to him and why he had changed so much. And when I asked the MC (privately) if he thought H was depressed and he said definately "YES". He said he knew H was depressed after talking to him for about 2 minutes. He said it was very obvious. I was releived because I know it can be treated and that H can be helped. But of course H does not think that he is depressed...he also didnt think he needed stitches and he also didnt think he broke his collar bone.
