What can I say...H has decided that he doesnt want to do the MC thing anymore. Today was "our" last session. I guess he feels he is wasting his time (which was obvious to the MC & me) since he doesnt have any issues in the marriage. I have decided to continue and turn it into IC, which for me is a good thing right now. I have a lot to think about and I have to make a decision.


Carol~

>>I have decided to continue and turn it into IC, which for me is a good thing right now<<

Good for you, I say. Not too long ago, Consumer's Union/Consumer Reports surveyed the level of "satisfaction" of clients of therapists and counselors. On average, people who had received indidivual counseling were satisfied with the results but people who had received marriage counseling were unsatisfied. Nobody knows what that means, I suppose. It probably means that marriage counseling is much tougher than individual counseling. Some marriage counselors claim that it means that by the time people get in to marriage counseling, only one of them really wants to be there.

>>I invest every moment I have trying to make the marriage work<<

That didn't work for me. It wouldn't have mattered if I had hired a small army of marriage counselors to keep an eye on us 24/7.

>>Maybe IC will help me sort it all out<<

That did work for me - a good individual counselor helped me to sort it all out. He was worth every penny.

>>I am so very sad and hurt right now<<

I bet. I know it hurt me like hell - by her actions (not words) my X told me that she did not want to be married to me. I hope your mileage varies and that your h comes to Jesus (so to speak) before it's too late.

>>He has dedicated 1 hour a week for the past 6 weeks to work on the marriage. I invest every moment I have trying to make the marriage work<<

Carol, look at what you wrote.

Which of those two sentences describes "a problem" that you can solve by yourself?

Chris.

Ok Chris,
I am not good at puzzles or equations but I will take a guess here...I need to stop trying so damn hard. Yes, I have realized this, which is why I didn't say a word when my decided HE didnt want to go to MC anymore...totally his choice. So be it. I cannot control him, I know. I am starting to let go. It doesnt happen over night...it is a process. I think IC will help me with these issues.

Quinn,
Thank you for all of you wise words. I think MC didnt help that much because my H feels HE has no issues with the marriage. Although there are obviously issues he feels they are mine to deal with and MC was just wasting his valuable time. I also think MC didnt work well in our case because it is hard to say some of the hurtful things that need to be layed out on the table. After an hour you are on your own to deal with it all until next week. That's pretty hard to handle for many couples and it causes a lot of stress. Right now I cannot take on anymore stress. So I can see in many ways how IC would be better.

Thanks for the replies guys!
Carol~

<<<<<<I am not good at puzzles or equations but I will take a guess here<<<<<

I believe, Carol, you may not have understood Chris's question. Step back a little and focus your energy on you and your children. Yes, letting go is a process, but it is also a decision. And not making a decision at this point is also a decision.....

Going away for a few days may be what you need at this time. Have a good time...

And as you walk you make your path Kat

How was your time away Carol?
I have been taking a 'break' of sorts myself of late thinking and trying to focus my energies on the storm I could see was coming and it hit yesterday. See my post.
I am thinking about you.
Jean