Documenting reality

Since the first D-Day in May I haven't been able to write in my journal or do any kind of writing except at this forum (thank god for this forum). This morning I dared to look at the entries in my journal I made before discovery. I went through the entries and made notes in a different color by things that were/are true and things that obviously were not and are not true about my former relationship. What's sad is that my writing documents the daily struggle with his issues of secrecy and unavailability and how I attributed much of that to his shyness instead of his secret life. Things are so easy to see now in retrospect.

It is only today, 10 days after the 2nd D-Day, that I feel strong enough to sort fantasy from reality in what I have written. I feel good about this progress. So much of not being loved back respectfully is steeped in shame. When I read the posts of others here I cannot imagine that, with your big and beautiful hearts, someone could stomp on your heart and lie about it besides. I thought I must be the only one to endure such sad treatment from someone I thought I loved. Through all of your wisdom and strength and good energy I know I have been able to see a new reality about myself (not shame-based) and move toward a happier life. Like you folks, well, geeze, I am a pretty darn good person too! (sometimes hard to think that way in these situations). Thanks for being here to help with this.

Judy

I want to edit this to also say thanks to those who just read and do not post, because you also add your energy to the flow just by showing up as a "visitor."