I saw your posts on our Members board to Kenny and to Rob and wanted to respond to you.

You wrote:

>>I could write here for hours as I am speaking to my lonely self all day almost going crazy.<<

Then do it. It helps.


>>Is there a way to jump of the roller-coaster and find peace?<<

No. You've got to ride the roller coaster until it flattens out in order to find your own peace.

The ride may be long or it may be short.

>>Can a couple survive?<<

Yes. Our accumulated wisdom, though, says that's up to HER at first, as long as you're willing.


>> Will I ever been able to let go of my resentment for what she did?<<

Yes. It's entirely up to you, though, and if you try to let go too quickly it may come back and bite you. (I'm speaking from experience.)

Paul, the oldest advice in the book is this:

Focus on Paul. Get rest, eat properly, exercise, take care of work and your kids.

Decide what you need from her, AND TELL HER.

Try to feel your way through this without making any life-altering decisions in the next few weeks or months.

And tell us MUCH more about what you're hearing from her...consider posting YOUR story on the Members board.

We have all been there, man. (In my experience, just knowing someone else had been there was such a relief.)

And...a welcome post wouldn't be a welcome post without our standard closing:

Welcome to the club no one wanted to join. Sorry you had to find us, but I think you'll be glad you did.

Chris.

"This is all so fresh for me. I hurt so much. I hope some of you here, old timer of the pain will tell me what i should expect in the futur."

"Does the heart ever stop hurting."

Paul

I can tell you that regardless of what happens to your marriage, you will feel better and better as time goes on. It is pretty rough in the beginning for everyone. Out of us old timers, some of us are still with our spouses and happy about that because they have done lots of work to help them heal, some are with spouses and not happy about it but at least feel better than they did when they first found out (I guess the pain dulls somewhat and you realize that your marriage is no longer the same but the pain isn't as raw since you've accepted the fact), some are divorced or separated and trying to reclaim their old selves and happier times without their spouses, and some are divorced or separated and happier than they were with their cheating spouses.

"Can my life be happy and meaningful someday?"

My two cents is that your life is what "you" make of it regardless of whether it is with or without your spouse.

Hang in there.
Charlie

Paul
We are all here with you and send our support. Hearing from others who've shared such pain is comforting and helps to keep you sane when you are ready to say it is all just too much to bear. Keep working at it and keep posting. Consider telling the whole story on the members board when you are ready to go through it all. Take care of yourself. -Rob

"It'n not fair and it sucks, but it's our reality, so deal with it."